Should I be upset that my girfreind let her ex husband stay at her house? Who's more in the wrong?

Question

Dating for 1yr, my girlfreind and I are in recovery. 13 yrs. for her,19 mo. for me. Divorced for most of her sobriety. Recently her ex has also wanted to get clean and sober, and now attends the same meetings we attend. She's very good at helping anyone who is willing to help themselfs. Her ex is part time employed. She offered him odd jobs around her house to help with monies. Her ex does not have transportation. My girlfreind cares for disabled children and cannot leave her house in the evenings. We talk at night via Instant messaging. One night she messaged that her ex was going to stay the night. I replied:" I did'nt need to here that". She asked If I trusted her. YES I do! Next day we go to her mom's for BBQ. She invited her ex , then told me. Later we dropped her ex off. It was a strange and odd feeling to me. Not in anger but now knowing I was upset, I told her that I would have asked her approval 1st if the roles were reversed. She hasn't spoke to me since, but I've tried.

Answer 1

It ok to be jealous but I also think that you should be upset that your girlfriend is letting her ex stay at her house. I mean she is not with him now they been divorce for a long time, and he should respect the new relationship that she has with you. I think that its not fair that she is letting her ex stay while you are with her.It's nice that she cares about other people's being but does she cares about your being or your feelings towards the situation that she's letting her ex stay at her housed or going to that bbq. I think she still has feelings for her ex coz she wont let him stay if she has'nt. I mean if you really trust her you should tell her but also tell her that you trust her but not her ex. I think you two really need to talk about this situation before it get's out of hand.

Answer 2

Unless they're being hurt or being exposed to their sex life, you can't keep them from him because he's got a girlfriend. If anything, someone that young will likely tire of playing stepmom to such small children (I could be wrong, but probably not), so it's a win-win. In the meantime, get your kids trained to sleep in their own beds, and what happens in HIS bed will no longer be a concern. edit: Actually, we DO see your point. You've made it abundantly clear that your husband's abrupt departure and and part time shack-up are the entire motivating factor in this. I KNOW it's heart wrenching that he's left and moving on, and I honestly feel for you. That's the problem, though, you're approaching this from an entirely emotional angle, understandably, so we're trying to inject a little logic into the situation. You asked, we answered.

Answer 3

They have been divorced for a long time, and it sounds like she's got her life together pretty well. I can understand that little twinge of jealousy you get when you first hear something like that, but you can't let your emotions take over. You do have a right to know, however. She should have asked about your feelings before bringing him to her house or the barbeque, not for permission, but just out of courtesy. And out of trust, you would have said okay, thanks for considering my feelings. So neither of you are completely right and neither of you are completely wrong. Now you gotta break the silence barrier and first apologize for making her think that you don't trust her, and then share your feelings about being included in their plans for his recovery, just out of common courtesy. Good Luck!

Answer 4

How old are you,12 perhaps. This is a hard working woman why does she have to come to you for approval ? Get over it.
God bless.