And I've been thinking a lot about college and graduation lately, and it made me think of other future events that will most likely happen in my life (Weddings, Funerals, etc). I'm just starting to wonder if I should invite my father to these occasions. He left my mom, brother and myself when I was about three and I haven't talked to him in years, but he's still my father. He partially pays for the insurance of my brother and I, and my grandparents on his side always send us cards for birthdays and such filled with small notes saying how they miss us, so I almost feel obligated to invite him. But DAD left US, so I barely even feel like his daughter... it's a confusing situation... what do you think?
2007-09-11 16:02:43 · 13 answers · asked by caitrin2009 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think the first thing you should do is ask yourself, do you want to have some semblance of a relationship with him? It's a hard question I know, but in order to decide what to do, it's the first step. If you decide that yes, you would want that, then invite him. If your decision is no, you don't want a relationship with your dad, then don't invite him. If you do invite him and he doesn't show up, then at least you know that you took that first step and opened the door for him.
2007-09-11 16:27:25 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Caitirn-
Congratulations on your achievement. Big step accomplished.
I can sympathize with you. I had a non-involved father and had no need for him to be in my life, as is still to this day. He came to my graduation, but for me, it would not have mattered one way or the other.
It is entirely up to you. It is your day..no one elses. There will be others there to celebrate with, so if he were there, you can make your pleasantries and still enjoy other family and friends if you do invite him. An invitation may also make him realize what his absence has done and he may actually use the time to reflect and make positive changes.
I would definitely consider your mothers' and other siblings feelings as well. Talk to them and see what they think.
Money does in no way replace love or respect, nor is it an open invitation into ones life.
I hope this helped. Again, congratulations, and good luck.
Koa
2007-09-11 16:13:11 · answer #2 · answered by koa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should invite him. Everyone makes mistakes and for a lot of ppl in situations like this it seems hard to fix. What you could do is let him back in your life to try again. What could it hurt to find out whether your father is willing to accept his role. If he is unresponsive then you know where your relationship stands. On the other hand, it may be the opposite and he may be the person you run to later. But see you will never know unless you give it a chance.
2007-09-11 16:19:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so totally up to you. You have to weigh how you feel with what you feel is the right think to do. Sit down and make two lists. Reasons why you should and reasons why you shouldn't. Then decide.
Don't let the fact that he pays for insurance or even once payed child support influence your decision either, he had to.
Forgiveness is a wonderful thing, though, in my opinion. Sometimes it is better to just forgive. That doesn't mean you will forget what someone did to you. It just means that you take that burden off of yourself. You say to God and yourself I forgive him, even if he doesn't say he is sorry. I have some real ugly family members that have done pretty low down things, and I was angry for years. Hurt and Angry. One day I woke up and forgave them. It was for me, not them. And sometimes I still have to pray not to be bitter or angry, and then I am fine. All in all, though, I noticed my heart more open to life once I did. But that is just my opinion.
2007-09-11 16:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does your mom feel about it since she's the one who got left with the kids. She did her job and deserves to be comfortable at your graduation. Insurance doesn't make a Dad. It seems like he qualifies as sperm donor.
If you want a relationship with him, per sue that first, outside of major events and away from mom.
If she's fine with it and i mean really fine with it, not just doing "the right thing" then its OK. If she has any hesitation you owe it to her to honor her for doing his job in raising you by not giving him a status in your life he doesn't deserve.
Believe it or not, you don't come first here, your mom does. He hurt her deeply and left her in the worst situation a woman can endure. If it will hurt her in any way, per sue the relationship quietly and out of public view until it can prove itself real.
Be ready for him to let you down again as that is a distinct possibility as he has not pursued you and that's his obligation. You shouldn't have to work to see him, he should be working to see you.
Your family deserved way better than he gave you and you deserve more than insurance but he doesn't seem to"get" it so why hurt mom for him?
2007-09-11 16:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If I was in your situation I would rather leave your dad be and just go on with your life. I don't think it's worth it bring him back to your life just hearing about the way he treated you. Just ask yourself. Do you think he will be around when your kids are born or for your own wedding? I don't think so. I don't think he really cares becuase if he did he would still be right by your side through thick and thin.
2007-09-11 16:09:08 · answer #6 · answered by sensipaul909702 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is totally up to you!!! Don't let anyone sway your decision, follow your heart and do what you feel is best for you. Don't put yourself in a situation that could cause you to get hurt by him. So if you invite him make sure it won't affect you one way or the other, if he comes or not..i worry that he has let you down in the past ,he may do it again. I wish you the best and congrats on graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-11 16:50:01 · answer #7 · answered by sash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't invite the guy. Like you said, HE left YOU all. have your granparents considered that?? have THEY paid any bills? ie, rent, bought food, medicine when you were sick, took u to the doctors? paid the light bill?? IF not and they are on his side, I would not be happy with them. My dad left me when I was 8, i watched him pack and leave. I havent called him "daddy" since, and when he asked me why, I told him. Look, sweeti, he ABANDONED you. He does not deserve to be called " daddy." Any man can be a father, but it takes a special man to be a daddy.
2007-09-11 16:09:48 · answer #8 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is still time to establish a relationship of some type with your dad. Forgiveness will provide more of a relief for you than to hold his shortcomings against him. There could be happiness that you have not experienced and a positive outcome to a sad beginning for all of you.
2007-09-11 16:22:08 · answer #9 · answered by jodie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you havent talked to him in years why bother, invite your grandparents, he is the one that will miss out, not you...he has to make the effort to contact you and your brother if he doesnt i wouldnt waste my breath on him
2007-09-11 16:07:18 · answer #10 · answered by switchmistress 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋