I don't consider the people who adopted me my parents and I decided I don't want them in my life anymore. I'm not religious but I want to create a rite of passage symbolysing cleansing my life of their negative energies. Any Ideas?
2007-09-11 15:24:41 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
You get some flash paper and a burning bowl. Write the things that are in your heart and soul (perhaps because of a sour relationship with them) that you no longer want for yourself. Maybe just words: Fear - resentment - hatred - etc. It's so important NOT to let those things be part of you because of a negative experience with other people. YOU are a beautiful soul!
After you have written on the flash paper (it really can just be regular paper - but flash paper is more dramatic) - set it on fire and throw it into the burning bowl.
Then - light a candle and think of all the things you want to take the place of the negative things you just disgarded (Happiness - success - etc.) and say all of those things outloud as you focus on the candle.
After you have allowed your heart to know that you are filled with good, positive, beautiful stuff - blow out your candle - but know that the positive things will continue to burn within you!
2007-09-12 07:55:09 · answer #1 · answered by liddabet 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Lol, stray look at these answers! I don't even know what to say!
If anything, this is a really interesting excersize in witnessing people saying all the stereotypical wrong things...
WOW!
First thing, let's be thankful we aren't depending on the masses of yahoos random answerers for support! hugs darlin.
About what you actually wrote... sigh, it's so difficult, and I really don't know. I know for a lot of people with abusive parents it's really and truly necessary to step away, but then again, the feelings can change over time to wanting a relationship.
Stepping away can give you the freedom to have the relationship only if it's going to be healthy, or to gain some perspective to deal with things say or do that are hurtful and manipulative.
Anyways, we all care about you!
Something to ponder, if you had written the EXAST SAME THING and exchanged birthmother for adoptive parents, you would have gotten a bunch of answers about how adoptive parents are better and good for you for appreciating what a "non parent" your biological mother is! And she did nothing for you anyways!
People are so funny.
and ignorant.
2007-09-12 01:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by rox 2 · 12⤊ 0⤋
Stray, I don't know if I have any better suggestions than the ones already stated. Except personally I'd probably change something physically about myself, like get a new hairstyle or color, or a tattoo, or something. Just to physically signify the change and the new beginning.
You certainly don't need to be told how you should feel or how grateful you should be, you are after all an adult and are capable of making your own decisions.
Nobody should be made to feel grateful for being adopted. You didn't ask for it, you had no say in this happening to you. If your adopters were bad people who treated you poorly, you owe them nothing. You have every right to sever ties. Even if they weren't bad people, this is your life, and your decision to make.
2007-09-12 11:59:25 · answer #3 · answered by Lillie 5 · 12⤊ 2⤋
Amazing how many people here havent answered the question. Suddenly overcome with the need to tell someone how they should feel,
The initial question asked for a ritual to for ending their relationship with their adoptive parents. Obviously they do not have a positive relationship with these people, why exactly should they remain 'grovelling grateful' for the rest of their lives?
One option is to write a letter to the universe with all the reasons you will not let them back in your life, stating clearly to the universe that you do not want these people to be in your life and what you would like. Go out to a private place and yell these out to the world. Do this several times over a period of weeks and then put the list in a book that attracts you spiritually (even a book of quotes) and a year later open it and see where the universe has allowed you to move from and what it has given you in its place.
2007-09-12 05:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by Moggy 2 · 14⤊ 3⤋
Do what all kids do who don't get along with their parents.
Avoid them and only contact them when you need something.
So sorry to hear that you don't love them.
Not everyone has the good fortune of having loving parents.
I don't know what I'd do without my 2 kids. (One by natural birth and ones adopted.) They're my life!!!
By the way, they're in their thirties now, and both wanted to run away at one point or another when they were really small.LOL.
We have our disagreements,but it's so good to know when we're mad at eachother, it's okay, 'cause we still love eachother, and get over it.
As far as a seperation ritual goes, write up a document of seperation like a lawyer would and divorce your parents.
Then have a glass of wine and break it as a symbol of sealing the deal.
2007-09-12 11:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by Amy Beware 4 · 8⤊ 1⤋
If your parents are that toxic to you and your life, I would say just walk away. I'd also suggest building an alternate family of friends and supportive people to fill the void in your life. If you feel a need for some sort of ceremony, perhaps think about what kinds of activities might carry meaningful symbolism for you and perform them.
My nephew's wife does not have anything to do with her parents because of the abuse she suffered when she lived with them. (She was on her own by 16.) Although they gave birth to her, she has found on her own healthier people to substitute for the crazy people who gave birth to her and raised her. Sometimes you get a poor set of parents and the only thing left to do is move on. If that's the case for you, I'm sorry to hear it.
2007-09-12 10:06:33 · answer #6 · answered by adoptive mom 4 · 10⤊ 2⤋
Being the parent of an adopted child it would break my heart just as much to know that my child wanted nothing more to do with me. Even though he is not my birth child I love him none the less.
I'm not sure what happened or if there was any abuse. If so I sympathizes with you and am sorry you had to live through a bad childhood.
I do know that if you just never bonded with them, this is no reason to "let them go"... Chances are there is more of a bond then you think and you may regret any decision of "cleansing". You might want to think this through more thoroughly before coming to an ultimate decision.
Were there any happy childhood memories with them? Was there any time in your life you reached out to them? Was there anytime in your life you wished you could remain a child just to be close to them? There are so many questions you need to ask yourself. Take the time to reflect and know your true feelings.
I'm sorry i didn't answer your question, I just feel for you at this time and would hate to see you do something you might regret.
Best of luck with whatever decision you make.
2007-09-12 09:59:06 · answer #7 · answered by Kel 1 · 4⤊ 5⤋
I have heard that some adopted persons go to court to change their name back to the name that they were given at birth - some use their first name as their middle name and change their legal last name (IF they can find out what what they were originally named). If that appeals to you, you could make a day of it with friends - go to court, have a toast on the courthouse steps to the new you, and host a gorgeous lunch that ends with a birthday cake with your birth name on it with everyone singing to welcome the new birthday you into the world.
If you want something more serious and without the legal thing, I would suggest that you have a sunset ceremony with lighting candles as the sun goes down and maybe changing clothes to symbolize the shedding of the old life and donning the new.
2007-09-11 23:12:26 · answer #8 · answered by grapesgum 5 · 11⤊ 3⤋
Dear Stray,
WOW! Such great answers here! I totally recommend the name changing idea. I didn't completely break with my adopters, but I did change my surname BACK to what it was from birth. It was one of the most liberating things I've ever done.
And you owe your adopters NOTHING. They wanted to adopt a child--you involuntarily provided what they desired. Your job is DONE. Go ahead and punch out. Your shift is over, love.
2007-09-12 22:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by Sunny 7 · 6⤊ 3⤋
First off, print out this page of mostly horrid yahoo answers and burn it at the doorstep of your parents, as you chant "I was not born to be grateful to you".
Sorry you have to be facing this sad time and dealing with the ignorance of people who have never been in your shoes. Thinking of you. You are a beautiful person -with or without your aparents- never forget that.
2007-09-12 01:12:40 · answer #10 · answered by StewieGirl 1 · 14⤊ 2⤋