I dont like my brother in law..and dont know what to do...?

Question

Hes 16 and I really do not enjoy being around him...his parents live overseas but they spoiled him and babied him bad....he acts like everything is his God given right even though my husband works his *** off to raise him over here and pay everything ...he appreciates nothing and has the audacity to ask for more...gets an attitude when he doesnt get his way and has had the nerve to run away..for a day then he came back but still....i complain about him to my husband but dont want to tell him that i dont like him because it'll hurt him..i dont want him to feel like its either me or his brother..i would never do that to him
OH....and when my hubby calls his mother to tell him about all the misbehavior she gets mad at my husband!! she blames him or says to stop making excuses and just admit he doesnt want to take care of him..UNBELEIVABLE!!! we talked about sending him bck but my husband never really goes through with it and now it turns out that he might move in with us... :(

hes currently living with other relatives but they might move away..so thats how come he might come live with us

he came back to the U.S bcz he loves soccer and thinks he can pursue it better over here

am i wrong for not liking him??

Answer 1

I don't blame you for losing patience with this guy and for not liking his behavior. He sounds like a spoiled brat....but maybe what he needs more than anything is someone who cares enough about him to SET BOUNDARIES. Kids NEED rules even though they deny it and seem to hate them. They need them. Your brother needs to have a serious talk with your brother and say in a loving way "I love you and want to see you succeed in anything you want....I will help you in any way I can but you need to understand that my wife and I will NOT be disrespected or taken advantage of. If you can't treat us with kindnes and show the appreciation we deserve then we will no longer be there for you."

Answer 2

I have a brother in law that i cant stand as well. Matters are a lot different though. He likes to smoke (if ya know what i mean) and i dont. He is the kind of person who will lite it up with the kids in the house... there for i stay as far away from him as possible. When he comes here he knows not to do it. We have had major fights over this... BUT he is still my husbands brother and he loves him so there for i do my best to get along with him. I just had to set some rules for when he comes to my house (which isnt often LOL) and i dont go to his house at all... If my husband wants to go he knows he can.

Answer 3

You have a right to how you feel.

The kid is 16 a horrible age, most 16 year olds feel entitled and often are not appreciative. He is not special in this.

A marriage is a partnership. Why is the decision as to whether your BIL lives with you or not soley your husbands? Is it not your home also?

Eliminate all the noise, you need to talk to your husband. Not about not liking your BIL or how spoiled he is or about his parens not wanting to take care of him. This has nothing to do with you. What does have to do with you is him living wirh you. As I said its also your home. Talk to your husband and tell him this is not only His decision alone. And leave it at that, again, all that other stuff has nothing to do with you.

Answer 4

No, you are not wrong for not liking him.

You might want to try making some 'House rules'.
Make a list of the rules and the punishment for breaking that rule. Set a curfew. For example the curfew in my house is ten PM; if we are out later then ten we lose our cars, until further notice.

Talk to your husband and come up with the rules and their punishments. If you do it together, your husband will be more likely to actually punish his brother and not just let it slide. Because if you do let it slide you are letting him know that he can get away with it again and again.

It you decide to make the rules, when you tell you brother in law about them, make sure that you AND you husband both tell you brother in law that you do not want to send him away but as long as he is going to live in your house he will follow your rules.

Do not give a bit on ANY of the rules not matter how hard he pushes, and he will push. He'll probably rant, rave and scream 'I Hate You!' and 'I never wanted to live here!' several times but if you don't give in it will show him that you are not to be missed with. But if you do give in to him, he will push you on every rule tell he will not follow them or listen to you, at all.

You must make him understand that this is you and your husband’s house and you are in charge, not him.

Also stop calling your husbands mother to tell on him, because all that tells him is if Mommy says its OK then he can do it no matter what you or your husband say.

If he calls your mother in law and she in turn calls you. Tell her calmly and with a lot of ice, that you have every thing under control at the moment and are sorry to have bothered her with something like this and never intend to do so again. Remember 'Don't get mad, get even.'

And if he runs away again, and he's likely to. When he comes back take away all of his privileges, TV, computer, phone, friends, car and, this may seem cruel but it's necessary, soccer. Put him on 'house arrest'. He can only leave to go to school, and then he must come right home. If you or your husband stays at home pick him up and drop him off at school so that he has to follow this rule. If you don't, you might be able to set something up with a friend that understands what you’re going through to get him from school.

If he says that he needs to leave to go to the library, tell him that he can use the computer at home to do his school research, you can find anything on the web. Just make sure the computer is somewhere were you can see him at all times, so you know what he's doing on it.

I don't know it any of this will help you, but I hope at least I gave you some ideas.

Lots of luck, Dr.

Answer 5

I understand where you are coming from. Having someone move into your home, changes the way you live, and we put up this guard. He sounds like he could be a jerk, but then you have to remember he is 16 years old, away from his home and parents.
It is a burden to have him here, and before you let it damage your marriage, you need to get help. Taking care of family is one of the most important things we can do in this life, I pray that all works out for you

Answer 6

It sounds like it's time for an old fashion spanking and list of chores for him to work off his attitude.

Answer 7

no u are not wrong. send him back. with no regrets!! he is not your responsibility, but that of your in-laws. No one likes a spoiled little brat. And I speak from experience! I am spoiled! Send him back!