I am sick and tired of my in laws. We used to live far away from them and they still got on my last nerve. But now they are 4 hours away and I have managed to avoid them for a while. However, I cant do this forever. I am always polite to them and bend over backwards to make them comfortable, But I refuse to go to thier house anymore because my hubby wants too stay too long and I feel like I am in prison when I am there. They constantly ask him when I am coming since I have not been 4 a while. So I told him to invite them here instead. I usually run myself ragged taking care of them, but not anymore. I really want to distance myself from them when they are here. How can I pull this off with out letting them pull me into thier meddlesome/gossiping with out being too rude? To give you an example of the kind of things they say. "I think it is disrespectful to my husband to have friends." This was said by my mother in law when I told her I was going to visit a freind .
2007-09-11 14:33:26 · 6 answers · asked by GabbyGal 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
You just need to speak up and tell them that your house and your values are different and that they need to respect those values and differences. I would just be completely honest with them. Tell them how they make you feel and why. This will make you feel better and maybe they will act more respectful. If they don't, at least they may leave you alone and they will know what you think.
2007-09-11 14:40:19 · answer #1 · answered by just julie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are driving 4 hours you are not going to get an hour visit out of them. You might want to do lunch and hope they leave before dinner. As far as the gossiping just don't entertain the conversation. I would not say anything and if asked I would answer I would rather not talk about people who are not here. What has worked best for me is I pay no attention to what my mother in law has to say. Her thoughts op ion or comments do not effect me in any way. I let her go in one ear and out the other. When you realize that it doesn't
matter what she does or says and when you are done with bending over backwards the visit will not be a big deal. In the end your going to do it your way so, don't give her control by letting her remarks matter.
2007-09-12 06:13:19 · answer #2 · answered by Kat G 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Been there, lol....I feel you're pain!
If you work, you could have all-of-a-sudden been struck with an awfully huge work load that requires you to stay late at the office and/or bring work home (which would require space/peace/quiet to actually work) and nobody can view work as being disrespectful.
Just make sure you are actually working on something, lol. If you're work is like mine, you won't have a hard time finding something or another to do.
Whenever you do, briefly, see them - apologize that you have so much work to do - be nice - smile - but keep it brief.
When they leave, send flowers.
It's called killing them with kindness while also keeping your sanity.
2007-09-11 14:42:20 · answer #3 · answered by lookinforanswers 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Based on personal experiences and also those of people around me, I can say that If your in-laws see that you have to manage the things on your own, and other problems you have mentioned then normally they will try to help you. In fact, parents visit their childrens houses to see how they can help you and not impose their own style on you. If you don't think so, then they you need to softly hightlight all the problems to them before they come over to you. So they are mentally prepared for this. I am sure they will understand the fact that since you have to get up early in the morning, they should finish off their dinners early evening. If they do not do so, then you can start off your dinner early by execusing them and also telling why you want to do that. There is no harm in politely seeking their help in your works if they don't help you in own their on. Many parents do not take step forward of helping thinking their daugher-in-law may not like it. As far dress is concerned, this is very subjective. If you can manage salwar kammez till they are with you, nothing like that. However if you are wearing very westernised dresses like mini skirts and that kind of skimpy dresses, then they might object. You need to strike a balance like wearing loose fitting pants which looks more like salwar kameez etc. Three things very important : --------------------------------------... 1.You should take their visit in a positive sense and not in a complaining way. Focuss on the all the positive points of their visit. May be they will entertain your kids well etc. I would go one step ahead and say that you should make plans to visit a few places around and make their visit as comfortable as possible. 2. Since they are old and senior, you should never hurt them in any way and respect them. Their short visit should not cause any permanaent rift in your relations with them as well as your husbands relationships with you. 3. You must be flexible and try to compromise on things which you cannot change. All the best to you with their visit.
2016-03-13 15:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enough to be married, you are old enough to make your own decisions concerning meddlesome in-laws.
You are under NO obligation to go visit them nor to invite them to your home. If your hubby wants to go, fine...let him go and kiss him when he leaves..and don't make a big deal out of it.
Why would you invite them to your home if you don't like them. If your hubby wants to invite them over, great....that doesn't mean that you have to be there. And, you must simply learn to ignore the big-mouthed and rude mother-in-law. When she says something inappropriate, just smile and say "what an interesting idea" or "what a clever thing to say" - and then change the subject.
To keep peace in the family, agree to go visit once a year...Christmas, Thanksgiving, July 4th, something like that. Be gracious, grit your teeth, keep your mouth closed and endure the day. But don't let his family put a split between you and your husband...that is exactly what they are trying to do.
2007-09-11 15:17:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
"Oh MIL and FIL, it is so great that you're coming to visit. I know a great hotel you guys can stay at!"
"MIL, I would love to play the charming hostess this week but I am simply swamped at work. I'm afraid you'll be doing a lot of fending for yourself this week. Here's a list of great restaurants you can try."
2007-09-11 15:00:18 · answer #6 · answered by LX V 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to remember is to do what makes you happy. If it makes you happy not to visit them, don't.
2007-09-12 05:28:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
politely thll them that their stay is over, and tell them, politely to f**k off, and to go home, that they have overstayed their welcome, and then tell them to take their son with them when they go. This will get their attention, and then open up the door to talk to hubby and tell him what is going on.
2007-09-11 14:50:56 · answer #8 · answered by Dragonflygirl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Poop in their bed.
2007-09-11 15:00:50 · answer #9 · answered by Matthew G 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋