Would you postpone?

Question

My fiance and I were making plans for our wedding when we found out we were pregnant ... so now, with the pregnancy 17 weeks along, we have decided to post pone the wedding because we dont want people to think we got married because of the baby. Would anyone else postpone the wedding because of their pregnancy, or would you just go ahead with it? I cant help but feel this might be a little selfish somehow.

"we" are pregnant because both of us hve to change some things about our daily life for the baby and he is determined to make it to every single doctors appointment, so even though hes not carrying the child, it is still just as much his excitement as mine! lol, therefore I say WE are pregnant!

Answer 1

I would recommend postponing your wedding. You want to be able to enjoy your wedding day. I just got married and got pregnant during the wedding planning stages also. Things got very stressful at a point and i miscarried. I do not want to scare you nor do i blame the miscarriage on the wedding. I just think when you are pregnant you should take extra special care of yourself and planning a wedding is tuff!!!

These days there is no time limit on getting married nor should you care what others think. I think you should have the baby enjoy the first year and plan awedding with a new flower girl or ring bearer..

Congrats!!!!

Answer 2

My husband and I got engaged in April, around September (1 year before we were to get married) I contacted the wedding coordinator and began to plan a fall wedding the following year. Everybody knew we were engaged and we were setting a date. The first of October WE found out we were expecting. We chose to move the wedding up and scale it down a bit. We both new that if we postponed it we would never get it done. I would say I haven't lost enough weight and he would say we had too many bills and expenses for the baby. It isn't about the timing it is about the love. so maybe you have to change the wedding a bit or change the date to a much sooner time frame. Why stop the wedding the end result will still be a marriage and a family. I never regretted walking down the isle already pregnant. If you were only getting married because you were pregnant that would be a whole different thing, but you are already almost there. Go ahead and get your lives started as husband and wife. Not to rain on things but as a side note, If, forbid the thought ,any thing were to happen during child birth, his rights are limited since he is not your husband. Your family would have the right to make all the decisions not him.

Answer 3

Have you already announced your engagement, set a date, or made any deposits?

In that case, I would go on and have the wedding. Many brides are pregnant at their wedding, and no one really expects a blushing virgin anymore.

But if you hadn't gotten any further than just discussing it between the two of you, I would postpone it. If you announce your wedding and your pregancy at the same time, people will think exactly what you think they'll think- that you're only doing this for the sake of the baby. They will gossip and look down on that, no matter what the real truth is.

In my case, my husband and I had originally discussed getting married in July of 2006, but in June of 2005, I discovered I was pregnant. We hadn't spoken to anyone of our decision to become engaged, nor had we even progressed as far as looking at rings yet. Also, one of his friends was in the middle of a court proceeding to get his marriage annulled, after marrying a girl because she was pregnant. She lost the baby, and since they were 16 and 17, they thought they may be able to have an anullment instead of a divorice. And a cousin of mine had only a month before announced her marriage, for the same reason- she would be due a few months before I was, and wanted the baby to be 'legitimate'.

In a case like that, where we knew exactly what everyone would think, no matter that we'd planned on the wedding before we found out about the baby, they'd assume the worst, and we didn't want to deal with the stress of that, the stress of planning a wedding, and the stress of pregnancy and a newborn baby, all at once.

We postponed the wedding until August of 2007, just a few weeks ago. Our now 19 month old son was in attendance, and our reception will be this Saturday.

Either way, if you're really thinking about what would be best for you as a family, whatever decision you come to won't be selfish at all.

Good luck, and congratulations on your baby and your engagement!

Answer 4

Well, it would depend on when the wedding is scheduled for. If it's within the next few weeks, you would probably lose most of the money you've already paid if you cancel or postpone, so I'd probably go ahead with the wedding. If it's 4 months away--obviously you're going to have to either postpone it or move it up--you don't want to be getting married 9 months pregnant. Not that it would be a bad thing--just very hard on you.

Answer 5

If you had already set a date and people knew about it then I would go forward with it. If you weren't that far along in the planning then I would not postpone it, I would not have it at all. Forget the wedding and have something small with family or friends before the baby arrives. You are worried that people will think you are getting married because of the baby but I think that's better than getting married after you have the baby.

Answer 6

Go ahead with your wedding as planned - unless the date you were originally going to be married on is near your due date. Then either move up the date or postpone it - you really don't want your water breaking while you are walking down the aisle!

If you wait until after the baby is born people are still going to think that you did it because of the baby - so don't worry about what they think at all!!! Although, if you wait until after, then you don't have to worry about those same busy bodies giving you the hairy eyeball for having a glass of champagne, while you're pregnant, at your reception.

Whatever you decide make sure that you are both comfortable with the decision. Your wedding day should be a wonderful day for both of you while you share your celebration of marriage with your family and friends!

Good luck!

Edit - Obviously, Lovey doesn't have children and doesn't realize that men go through a huge change, too, when the woman they love gets pregnant. Keep saying "we" are pregnant as much as you want!
Lovey - someday you'll be on your way to being a mom and you'll understand ;-)

Answer 7

I have been to two weddings with two pregnant brides. I think both of them had planned the wedding before the pregnancy, Im not sure I didnt count the days! But its no big deal. I would go ahead with it. The baby will be lucky to have a family there when he/she is born.

Answer 8

No, you do exactly the opposite. Get married NOW, well before the baby comes. He or she deserves to enter the world into a family where the parents are married.
So time to change your plans, and just have a small wedding. Not time to be selfish and wait for the big dream wedding - circumstances have changes, and you must do what's right for your baby.

Answer 9

Wow! Congratulations!!! :) That's exciting! Not sure when you were planning the wedding for- if it's around the time your baby will be due, then I say either push it forward, or back a couple of months at least. It's completely up to you and your fiance what you do decide. But here's what I say- you two were already planning a wedding here, so it was going to happen anyways before you found out you were preggo.... so why change it then? The wedding before you found out you were pregnant had a meaning- and was out of the love you two have for one another-not for anyone else. So why make it about anyone else who wishes to think any bad thoughts? that's my opinion. For me, I kind of got things backwards to everyone's minds. Everyone is now telling us "it's about time" that we are engaged and going to get married next year because we have a son who is almost 2 yrs old. We hadn't been together that long when I found out I was pregnant, and we both have divorced parents, so we chose to wait to make sure it was what we wanted since we both believe in being married for eternity. And now we feel it's time :)

Now things to think about which I'm sure you have- are do you want to be pregnant when you are getting married? Or not? If you are pregnant at the time, remember anything can happen during your pregnancy- bed rest, you could almost pass out like I did during my pregnancy because of lack of iron (or any other reason).... for my pregnancy- I felt VERY uncomfortable when pregnant- I was always on my feet at work, and it would kill my legs by the night. So bad I cried a few times- it hurt so bad just to get out of bed to go to the restroom. You have to pee alot lol.... so keep that in mind too.

Also think about if you wait until after you have your baby- you will want someone to take care of him/her for you-or even include him/her in the wedding.... but also think about waiting at least 2 months after you have your baby to have the wedding if you do so- my labor ended badly- 19hrs of labor then a c-section. And it was VERY difficult for me dealing with the pain from my c-section. It took a good 2 months to recover, then up to a year of having pains here and there where my incision was. (those pains weren't nearly as bad as the first 2 months though).

So it's completely up to you both on what you decide. Our son will be almost 3 at our wedding next year, and we're going to have him as the ring bearer- so I'm excited for that, and I'm sure because he loves Mommy, that I will even have to hold him a little bit during the ceremony and reception. I don't mind though, he's such a joy to my life :) They give you so much love!!! It's amazing, so I'm very happy for you. :)

Good luck! and I think either way, ppl will talk if they are that way... I had an aunt say my baby was right when I was pregnant because we werent married at the time. No need to rush anything, but if you were already going to marry, then why not ? :)

Answer 10

I would not postpone. Go for it.. This is about you and your fiance and now you baby. This is your decision because you want to do it, not because of what people might say or think. If you want to wait, then wait, but only wait if this is what you really want. Your true friends should be double happy for you.
1) You are getting married and 2) You are having a baby. How awesome is that? ! :-)

Good luck.

T.