Relatives are always giveing my kids things I don't let them have, or things that are not age appropriate. I also get gifts that I do not use. These gifts are not cheap, and I'd rather no get anything then another gift that I end up giveing away. I had the idea of a family gift, or atleast something for the kids play room. Would it be wrong of be to ask, so as to not get a reapeat of past years? These are not relatives, we see often, so I was thinking of saying " I know it's hard for you to pick out gifts from so far away, and I found something that the kids,( or the family) would really enjoy." or " I found a store that has some really nice things, I would love it if you could pick out something for the kids, ( or something the whole family can enjoy together)
2007-09-11 13:00:32 · 12 answers · asked by HH6 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
These are gifts that can't be returned to any store.
ALSO PLEASE BE NICE OR DON"T ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-11 16:36:43 · update #1
I think that it depends entirely on the people involved. I would be happy to know what folks preferred to have, rather than be tormented and anxious not knowing what to purchase.
Maybe you could suggest a catagory of gift for the kids say family games or toys, maybe even registering as target or some other store where you could indicate a variety of items and just let people know they can look there if they like.
If they take offense, I can only say oh well. I do agree that when given a gift you should be gracious, and I'm guessing from your question that you are, but it is far more satisfying for the giver and the receiver if the gift is wanted.
Test the waters and see, maybe you could begin by saying, I wonder how I can find out what so and so would like for x celebration and open the conversation to include gifts that don't fit?
Especially if this is a big gift like Christmas or a Birthday, or, you could casually bring up what ever the kids want, or mention something that you've seen that you really like, wish you could get, think would be perfect.
Good luck! It will probably be easier than you think to work it out. Most people are reasonable and realistic, that works in your favor!
2007-09-11 13:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by Kathi 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have made a very profound statement that any family or friend would appreciate, I hope. Most people are not honest and they continue to accept things they don't want. You are doing the right thing.
When I would receive a gift that I thought was not age appropriate for my daughter when she was young, I would send a nice 'thank you' card and explain that I exchanged the gift for something more appropriate and hope they didn't mind. After that, people sent money, or they would ask me for ideas. This started my daughter's savings account! I think it's a good idea.
2007-09-11 20:22:50 · answer #2 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Sorry.
You can buy the things you choose, but you can't ask others to buy them for you.
Since you rarely see these people, it's not unthinkable (since they'll never know) if you sell them or return them for exchange or cash.
There may also be a polite way to hint at things that you won't let your kids have.
If they have a habit of giving guns, for instance, you can let them know you don't let them play with guns.
In a case like that, you may even say that you exchanged the guns for something more appropriate, and then thank them for that.
But, no, you can't set up gift registries for ordinary ocassions (even for weddings, you're supposed to wait until someone asks you what to get before suggesting that there's a store where your likes are on file).
Gifts are gifts.
You don't have the right to control what generous people give you.
BTW, for gifts that are too old for your kids, why not put them away until they're old enough?
2007-09-11 20:19:03 · answer #3 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
This is an approach that has worked for us:
"We are inviting all our close friend and relatives to exchange "wish lists of gift items they would like to receive.
We will send you ours to you and you send us yours.
It will make gift giving so much more pleasurable and it is a way to become more intimate with each other.
What do you think?"
2007-09-11 22:29:04 · answer #4 · answered by Mary B 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Only if you are asked is it okay to tell people what you want. I think that it is fine to tell people what you do not want your children to have though.
This happened to me recently with my sis-in-law and her daughter's 7th birthday. I called to ask what type of things her daughter liked. She told me that the girl has always wanted an American Girl Doll. Well, that's nice, but that is out of my financial means. So I asked if she liked anything else. I found out that she likes crafty stuff so that's what my husband and I got for her. A book bag full of age appropriate craft projects.
Anyway, I think that it's fine to let people know what range of items would be okay for your kids. Like board games, books, crafts.
I think that it's too much to ask for one specific thing.
2007-09-11 20:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by beckini 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You can only tell them if they ask. If they don't ask, it may seem rude, as if you are begging for gifts or not grateful.
A better approach would be to say, "Ya know, Kiley really likes playing with her blah blah doll. She is trying to collect all 3" and see what they say.
If they were family, then it would be okay to tell them. If not, keep your mouth shut, and help a good charity.
2007-09-11 23:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by lefttheroom222 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not alright to ask for what you want. If you receive things you cannot use, please share with someone who can. Be a gracious receiver.
P.S. That is as tacky as inviting people to a celebration and then asking them to pay for their own food and drink. Just because it is the trend it doesn't make it correct. You can disagree all you want but the answer is still no.
No one is obligated to give anyone anything. A gift is a gift and I hope you are also saying thank you for them.
2007-09-11 20:10:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
i think so long as you ask in a polite way there is nothing wrong making suggestions for presents that will benefit you instead of putting up with presents you don't want
2007-09-11 20:47:01 · answer #8 · answered by Aslan 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, I think that sounds like a perfectly resonable and respectable request.
2007-09-11 20:09:39 · answer #9 · answered by TNT 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it may be a bit easier to tell them what NOT to get them than to ask them what to get them. Or how about you tell them what they need that doesnt cost too much?
2007-09-11 22:35:54 · answer #10 · answered by Rainey 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋