how to trust someone if they've broken your trust..?

Question

my situation is that ive been going out with this one girl for about lil over 1 1/2 years, i broke up with her about 3 months ago b/c she broke my trust, literally found out about a bunch of lies that she had told me, talkin to another guy behind my back and completely lieing about it, basically caught her slippen and uncovered alot of other lies that she tried to cover up repeadly, even using the line "i put that on everything" all the time..

well 3 months later, we start talkin again and now we r going back out.. might be a dumb move for me.. but i cant trust her anymore.. how do i do it?

is it wrong me for me not believe every word she tells me now..

she kicks it with All guys and its prettty hard to not get some thoughts of lies and scandalous stuff happening behind my back, and im not the type that would do it back or do it just b/c i think she is.. so its kinda hard for me..

"a relationship cant work without honesty" is a quote i tell myself..

i dont want to just not put in any effort to try to make this relationship work because i have paranoid thoughts in back of my head about what she tells me & trust issues.. but if something happens and i catch her slippen again, i might really end it for good and teach myself a lesson.. but its hard when love is involved..



CLIFFS:
-gf broke my trust by talking to another guy behind my back and lied repeatedly to cover it up so i broke up with her

-now i cant trust her for shiet, or maybe its just me being paranoid.. how do i deal with it..

Answer 1

their comes a time in ones life where you either trust or you dont - start taking steps to 'fix it' or just 'give up'...
By your posting, I see you as intelligent enough to start taking steps rather than give up.
So here goes, im assuming (by your posting) she did nothing but talk however reading between the lines she did more than that??, your self esteem must have taken a ''beat down'' so rather than work on ''trusting her'' - start working on trusting yourself cos honestly, if shes gonna ''do it'' - she'll do it regardless of trust - and wasting your head space on things like ''is she gonna do it'' isnt really helping either (is it), trust and respect go hand in hand and trusting yourself to not think those thoughts takes courage, trusting yourself to care enough to trust her around other guys takes patience, and trusting yourself to not get angry when she does tell you these things says to her ''ok I trust you''.
So lets for a moment play the what if game... what if she is doing the deed with another? what if she is lying to you again? and whilst playing this game to the end im sure your intelligent enough to know what to do next....
Whatever you decide - keep your head up and take care...

Answer 2

Remember this quote: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me." Think about it for a minute or two.

Trust is not an easy thing to get back once lost. Don't feel like it's all your fault or it's you with all the problems - because it's not. She lied to your face as a girlfriend...not just once, but repeatedly. I'm not sure what kind of girlfriend does that.

When I read your statement of "She kicks it with all the guys," that right there is telling me to tell you to back off. Now. She's unsure of herself and does not seem to quite know what loyalty is. For all you know, she could have been with those other guys (and I'm being serious about this, too).

I would back off and give yourself some personal time, and let her get her act together as well.

Answer 3

If you really want this relationship to work you have to give her the benefit of the doubt, check into things if you have to every once in a while just for reinforcement ya know. Time is the only thing I have found to help with regaining trust.

Answer 4

How to trust someone if they've broken your trust..?

You can't... that is why our behavior towards each other must be so we can trust each other. This is called respect and love.
If she have the need of seeing other men or lying about her doings, then it it because she (or he) do not find you good enough.
The same goes for those who ask for a "brake" in the relationship.
Move on, and and find a new partner. This one don't really want you....

Answer 5

You don't need to go back out with her becuaseshe broke your trust. Yes, that was stupid that you went back out wiht her. If you know that she broke your trust once what makes you think she is not going to do it again. She is a playa. Have you ever heard that 3LW song,"Playas they goin play, and haters they going hate." Well, that is true. She will always be a playa. And the wya it sounds, you do not need a playa for a girlfriend!!!

Answer 6

What you're feeling is normal. By definition trust is "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence." Now the key word is confidence you must have confidence in her . However you must realize that learning to trust someone isn't something that just pops out randomly. Its something that's gained with time and experience. It only takes one time to ruin it though that's what you must keep in mind. You just need to learn how to trust her again. Peace

Answer 7

Forget it. If some girl broke my heart, not only would she never regain my trust, but I would never give her a second chance if she asked for it. If she lied to you before, what makes you think she isn't lying now?

Answer 8

Jeez that sounds like my ex-wife. I found out the hard way that you cant always trust someone again after they have lied to you like that. The decision is yours but I would be very, very careful if I were you.

Answer 9

Seriously man... come on... quit being codependent.

Look... if I were you then I'd get one last night of fun with her and then send her away. Don't let her have the opportunity to get under your skin again.

Relationships only work with trust. If there is none then there is no relationship.

Answer 10

i would break things off with her to be quite honest with you. it was her indescretions which caused the break up the first time, and it doesnt seem like she has changed from your story. I think it is time for you to start fresh, with trust, with someone new. ultimately it is your choice and i wish you all the luck in finding someone that you can really trust and care about.