What do parents think of their daughters not working?

Question

I recently had a son (3 wks ago), and have realized there is an apparent tension between working and stay at home moms. I never considered being a stay at home mom (solely my decision, influenced by no one else). My parents were quite nervous that I was going to quit working when I had my first child. I know they would be very disappointed in me if I abandoned my career. Has anyone experienced this?

Answer 1

I don't like the attitude that some stay-at-home moms have toward working mothers. Some women have to continue working once the baby is born, or else their child won't have a roof over their head! I'm due in February and I would love to be a stay-at-home mom, but that isn't an option. My husband doesn't make enough money to pay all of our bills by himself. And it's not like we're living large, in a luxurious mansion and an extravagant lifestyle! We need both incomes to make our basic ends meet.

That being said, some women choose to continue working after having children because they actually like their jobs. There is nothing wrong with that either! You can have a career and a family. However, some -- NOT ALL! -- stay-at-home moms frown upon this and believe working mothers are causing psychological harm to their babies. I don't believe this at all! You have to do what's best for you and your family. Good luck.

Answer 2

In retrospect, I think woman have been SOLD a "Bill of Goods". I grew up in the era of "I can bring home the bacon, Fry it up in the pan, and never ever let you forget you're a MAN, Because I'm a Woman!"

As a teen-ager and a young adult, it never occurred to me to try and pick a profession that would be "CHILD Friendly", but when you work in a "man's" world you're expected to be there the same as a man, especially if you want the same salary, et cetera.

If you went to college and are still re-paying college debt or if you're parents financed your college so that you could be self-supporting, then I can understand their concern.

However, you and your childs needs come first. And if you're considering quitting your job and staying home with your child, you might consider becoming a child care provider, as well. Later on as your child becomes older, you might consider working in the school system, as a teacher, a substitute or even in the admin office.

And yes there is Tension between the two groups, as I think each group feels guilty about their choice. If you feel no guilt, then you have nothing to apologize for and no reason for any tension.

One last comment, Stay At Home MOMs are still WORKING MOMS.

Cheers!

Answer 3

My parents and in laws are the exact opposite. The assume that I would no longer work when we have children. I personally want to work part time isntead of full time but continue working. I have an advanced degree and went to school for a long time, but both of your families did the stay at home mom thing and basically think you are a bad parent if you work when the kids are small... and that your priorities are all screwed up. My father in law keeps doing the math of when he thinks I can ahve kids because my husband's career would be at a point he thinks we could afford it. My other friend was a lawyer and decided to be a stay at home mom also, and no is working on a side part-time carreer. It is all very individual. Overall for children's development I think research has shown that if the mom's are happy the kids are happy. IF moms are stressed and overwhelmed then kids feel that. Different women are happier in different situations. Make your own choices for yourself and own them.. it seems you have, now just be confident.

Answer 4

That is a decision that only you and your husband can make. You should do what is right for you and your family. You don't have to abandon your career to take some time off, if that's what you choose to do. Many mom's take off some time and go back to work later or work part time. If you choose to stay home for a while with your new baby just tell your parents that you have not abandoned your career you are just taking some time off to bond with your baby. If they don't understand they'll get over it. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 5

Kerry, Tri this or if it stinks ,be attentive to that I triedl I want I had Magical words that should touch your heart without being heard. working for this employer Has meant very much to me, Plus your compassion Has had such an effect on me. even whilst my newborn is ill, i'm worried lots i think ill questioning if i've got overstep my place and that i might see dissapointment Upon your face. I ask your endurance, and that i thank you For the exhilaration , that I acquire on a regular basis from My time on my activity. wish this gives some way with your boss and which you do not think of i'm too undesirable as a poet.

Answer 6

My mother was really annoying when she found out I wasn't going back to work after I had my first child. I almost had a falling out with her over it. She must have said, "You wasted your time in college" a million times. I told her if she said it one more time I would never speak to her again. The funny part is, she hasn't worked since I was born 30 YEARS AGO! I think she was just mad because my parents paid for my college tuition (which wasn't even that much) I have 3 children now and one on the way and she hasn't said anything about it in a while. I plan on working again, unlike her, when all my children are in school.

Answer 7

I am a stay at home mom. I have all so been a single working mom too. I personally do not feel if a person works they neglect there child. We are so fortunate to watch our children grow and see there precious moments. I did not get that chance with my first son. I did have to work to survive. I am re married and he works and goes to school . I Baby sit to get a income and to be at home. Its a choice we all have to make. You have to see what will work for your family. Put your finances on paper to see how you can work it out . Budget it out. You can take a break from a career and go back. It just takes a little retraining. Its your life not your parents. Best wishes

Answer 8

I think it's a family and personal decision. I'm a SAHM
and don't regret it one bit. I would never have had our daughter
if someone else had to raise her or eight to ten hours a day.
I could not stand if the dcp said oh you should have seen
"A" walk, run learn her ABC.

Answer 9

It's your call. Your husband should probably have some input, but not your parents. You might want to listen to them, smile and thank them for their good advice and then do whatever you think is the right thing to do.

Answer 10

I agree with Ashby-I would love to be a sahm but there is no way we could afford it! it doesnt make you any less of a mom because you have to work to help pay bills. I hate sitters and even parents/grandparents who think they are "like a second mom" because they have to watch my kid while im at work. lets get one thing straight here, my child has one mom and one mom only! no matter if i have to work or not!