always a bridesmaid, never a bride?

Question

i've been in 4 weddings in the past 2 and a half years...and guess what? i have another one that i'm in on friday!!!!!!!!
i love doing it, it's always a great time, but my bf and i have been together for 2 and a half years now and i definitely wonder if i'll always be a bridesmaid, and never a bride :(
he's finishing grad school in may...i guess we are young to go and get married right now... but when do you think i should put my foot down and ask if it will ever happen??

the "putting my foot down" thing isn't throwing an ultimatum at him...it's really just ME getting the courage to bring the topic up at all. it's not directed at him!

Answer 1

I understand that after so many weddings you are getting the weddings blues. It's so much pressure when all of your peers are getting married.

I've never been a bridesmaid, but my bf has been a groomsman 5 times in 2 years!! I always joke with him about it, I try to humour things rather than to nag, get depressed and complaint... you know what they say, you get mor bees with sugar than with vinegar.

Do not give him an ultimatum, all of that wedding talk has definetly has put the wedding bug on him, so don't ruin the chance to talk about your relationship in a constructive, informative and positive way with being negative and demanding a wedding for yourself.

Be patient, be confident and be happy. Once he graduates and gets a serious job, you chances of getting married will be greater, besides, most people get engaged in the 2-3 year mark and men do feel the need to be financially viable/accomplished first before proposing.

You'll be next...think positive!!!!

Good luck

Answer 2

Oh, Sweetie. Don't rush in to marriage. Wait until your boyfriend finishes school and you're on the right track to build a firm foundation. Then you can calmly and rationally discuss your future. Don't pressure him or give him an ultimatum. That's no way to start a marriage. If he's worth the wait, then wait 'til May to have a serious talk about it.

I thought I'd never get married, and after 15 years with the wrong guy, I finally found the right one. I'll be a first-time bride at age 49! Proof that it's never too late. I'm sure you won't wait that long. Enjoy the wedding!

Also, my niece was afraid she would end up the last one of her group married, so she set out to find a husband. He fit all the criteria on paper, and so she pursued that relationship, pressured him into marriage, had a big wedding, and then was divorced a year later. Take your time and be sure it's right (not just the right person, but the right time). Best wishes.

Answer 3

I have been a bridesmaid (I'll count the times when I was Maid of Honor as well) 5 times and I have not yet been married. I have a friend who's been married 3 times and never a bridesmaid! You don't have to have the brides (the ones where you've been part of their wedding party) as your bridesmaids if you don't want to, it is not a requirement. If you are still very close friends with them when YOU get married then they should be your logical first choices, but you are in no way obligated.

Answer 4

I'm not sure why you think you have to "put your foot down" to have an honest conversation about your relationship. You aren't laying done the law, you are just trying to understand what you should expect in the future. Have you discussed marriage at all with your boyfriend, just the basic stuff like does he want to get married some day, have kids, etc? Not everyone is dating because they want to find a person to marry, so people are "just having fun" or "killing time."

Please don't take an attitude with your boyfriend like he has done something wrong by not proposing yet. Your goal should be to understand what he needs and wants out of your relationship so that you can decide if your needs and wants are compatible.

If he says "Yes, I want to get married and settle down once I'm done with school" it would be reasonable for you to ask if sees you in tha future. You might get an answer you like, or you might not. Try to stay open and listen to what he tries to tell you because he may be scared of rejection, or scared of hurting you.

Answer 5

Why don't you just talk to him about it? You can have the discussion without having to "put your foot down." My bf and I have talked about it and we both know we don't want to get married right now.

Watch out if you're giving an ultimatum. A lot of guys will call your bluff and just leave if they feel pressured!

Also, depending on your age, two and a half years isn't necessarily a long time. He may just not be ready to get married!

Answer 6

You should already be able to discuss this type of thing with him. Two and a half years definitely isn't a ridiculous amount of time to be dating without a proposal, especially if he's still in school. However, it's WAY too long to have been together and still be unable to bring up the topic of marriage with him. If you've been together for five years and still don't have a ring on your finger, I'd say it's time to start weighing your other options, but you're still young, and you've got plenty of time.

Answer 7

There are two possible outcomes and both are good. Talk to him about the future of your relationship and where it is going. If he freaks out or doesn't even mention marriage or children then move on, you're better off without him. If he mentions a longer future and settling down, then talk further and bring up marriage.
My grandmother told me this, don't marry the man you can live with, marry the man you can't live without.

Answer 8

Agree. It has been long enough for you to both figure out if you have a future together. If you do not, you should start looking elsewhere for a future with marriage and a family, if that is what you want.

It is not a matter of ultimatum. It is a matter of if you are ready and if you wish to get married now. If you want to wait for him, it is your choice.

Answer 9

I'm not sure how old you are.... but if it were me (considering that you are in your early 20's) If you want to be married and he doesn't seem to be ready for the committment, I would move on to bigger and better things. Maybe it's time you find someone who wants the same things as you, if not, and your bf is never going to want to marry you, then you are both wasting your time and need to get out and explore your options.

Answer 10

First, stop comparing yourself to others, and putting "peer pressure" on yourself. You need to do what's best for you and your boyfriend.

I think it is a good idea to have a pleasant, non-pressuring conversation, to find out if he's a marrying kind of guy, and if so, should things continue to go well with you two, what kind of time frame does he have in mine. But certainly don't try to pressure him, or point out that John asked Jean, and Tom asked Terri...

I think it's best to wait until he finishes graduate school and is established in his career before marrying. And you should establish your career as well.