About 2 months ago my wife and I got upset with my mother over some favortism my mom showed my neices and nephew over my kids. I have since gotten over it basically but my wife just won't let it go. We use to go to my parent's house every Sunday but now it seems I can't do that. My girls love my parents very much, as do I. I want to continue to go over there on Sunday to see my family, but my wife won't go and I'm afraid to go because it may cause friction. I love my wife, but I want to see my family too. Am I being a momma's boy? Should I go to my parent's house Sunday anyway? I'm torn in half between the people I love the most. I don't think it's fair of my wife to pull me away from the family I grew up with, and yet continue to force her parents on me, whom I can't stand but have endured for my wife's sake since we married 7 years ago. I'm just so emotionally torn!!!!
2007-09-11 07:53:36 · 19 answers · asked by keith_stn 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would love for my wife and family to get along again...it feels like no one is seeing what this is doing to me, or they don't care.
And the issue with my mom favoring the other grand kids over mine is ebing emblellished by my wife for some reason. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but it obviously did not affect my kids and my mom has made many efforts to apologize, but my wife won't hear it.
2007-09-11 08:33:13 · update #1
The very worst thing you are saying here is you are "afraid" to go to your parent's home. Your wife is using your fear to control you. Seems like it is working. You should NEVER be put in this situation in the first place.
I truly feel for you and your mom, as I am a mom with a married son and grandchildren. You say your mom has apologized over and over, what more can she do if your wife refuses to act so childish. If this did not affect your children and your wife is embellishing on the subject are you sure things just didn't get blown out of proportion?
Your wife is using you and the children as punishment. Put your foot down and stop it now. She will only do it again if you let her get away with this. I'm sure I will get thumbs down by daughter-in-laws out there. I am giving you an honest answer coming from a son's mom.
2007-09-11 09:33:44 · answer #1 · answered by proud grandma 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious you've been arguing over this for 2 months now. Time to move on.
I agree with someone else who commented that every Sunday may be overdoing the visits. How about every other Sunday? How about inviting your parents to your home? Do YOU think you're a Momma's Boy? Have you tried to discuss the issue with your mom to explain why your wife won;t visit with you on Sundays?
If the issue is between your wife and your mom, it's best to let them personally resolve it. Maybe your wife needs a wake up call about 'playing favorites' and be the adult. Perhaps the niece & nephew are more respectful and closer to the grandparents than your kids. Perhaps the entire situation was perceived very different from reality. Why is it so important that HER children are the favorites?
With that being said, how about going out to a neutral place like the park or something so the kids can still see their grandparents. If your wife decides to sulk and sit home, dwell on it, and not come to some resolution, I might suggest you look into marriage counseling. You resent her parents the same way she resents yours.
Good luck.
2007-09-11 08:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by Sharon F 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your wife what it would take for her to forgive your mom? You said your mom has made much effort - what would it take? Obviously you've gotten over it, but what changes need to be made? Have you asked your wife how she honestly feels if you and the kids would visit? It's possible by her staying home she'll be more upset. Maybe that won't work? Talk to your wife. Make her realize that the in-laws will always be there (and it's painful to cut all relationship with them). You've all got to make amends. Ask her to compromise and think about you and the children. It's tough for you to be in the middle. Also, the visits every Sunday may be excessive - there should be just your "family unit" time. Think about how your marriage matters first, then your children, then everything and everybody else. Good luck!
2007-09-11 09:20:12 · answer #3 · answered by Alyse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok...here you are only feeling like you are in the middle...to have that be true your parents would have to people that live in a cave refusing the mail person even come near the house. From your post I don't see that. See you are hubby and so your victim feelings are going to promote your wife's behavior. Bottom line is: promote family. "A momma's boy?" What on earth is your wife referring to you as child for...that is manipulative (a guilt trip). "I am an adult".
"We will be visiting our families as well as inviting once in awhile" and you have to figure this out according to your family....."we should plan a camping trip for next summer" OR "I'd like to have a barbecue before winter sets in". See these are all positives...
"favortism my mom showed my neices and nephew over my kids." - this is where it all started and could it be that neices and nephews were used for leverage? Ah, Ah, ...promote family hers and yours...you are as one extended from 2 who love you both and the kids.
You encourage her...when spending time alone suggest that she and your mom go out to lunch or what ever and be a gentleman about it.
Added: I get exactly how you are feeling. My son told both my husband and I several times that his wife yells at him for three hours after every visit. I can't say that my son does not promote this because he mimics her and accuses us of what ever she fancies as a subject ...doesn't matter if it's real or not. This is really between you and your wife. I did however, tell my son to pull himself up by his bootstraps. His brothers communicated to us that they are both getting really nasty. I'm very concerned about this as my grandsweetie is subjected to this what little contact we do have she's begging to come over here. Which is something I'm trying to get across to U - pull yourself up by your bootstraps and with confidence do what is right. She may spit and yell but you let her know that all family is going to be preserved and "if" there are problems there will be no talking behind backs.
2007-09-11 08:42:30 · answer #4 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sit down and have a nice talk to her about it, she might be scared of what your mom is going to say or do the same thing all over again and shes going to have to go threw the same thing again! You should tell your mom how youns feel about it to. Your parents probably do love your kids but thats no reason to treat kids like that youns are all family and your mom and wife both need to grow up a little bit and think about it all youns are doing is hurting your kids there the ones in the middle of all this and it probably hurts them to.
2007-09-11 08:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by nichole l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that. "Every Sunday"?? And you wonder if you're a mommas boy?! LOL. You have a wife and kids....you guys don't and shouldn't be at either of your parents place EVERY weekend!! There is a thing called balance...you should have a heart to heart talk with your wife and your mom and get this ironed out. I wouldn't want to go to my husband's parents house or even my own parent's house every sunday either. Good Luck!
2007-09-11 08:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by bulldogclover75 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can fully understand your wife being upset over what happened. Talk this matter over with your wife as well as with your mother. Both sides need to understand the other!
You also need to spend some Sundays with only your family (no in-laws from either side) to strengthen your own family bond. "Family bonding time" is very important.
2007-09-11 08:21:30 · answer #7 · answered by robisurf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing,if you haven't already, don't tell her you don't like her parents,as that will get the problem much worse then it is already.Secondly,try to talk to her calmly and rationly, in bed after a hard day is to me the best time.Tell her how you are worried that this is putting a wedge between the girls and their gran mother, and even though you can see her point of view, it is unfair in your opinion to do this to the girls.
This to me is your best tact, as it stops her thinking of you and her, but of the girls, and mums will do most things that are good for their kids.
2007-09-11 08:03:06 · answer #8 · answered by sameasyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you married you wife did you answer i do to the love HONOR and cherish part. If so you need to be with your wife. You should call your mother and explain to her if she dosen't already know whats going on then your mother should call you wife and apologize for what she did and explain that she is sorry and wants her to be a part of her family (if your mother wants whats best for you then she will do this wether she feels she wrong or not.) then it is up to your wife to forgive her. I would give her 2 wks from apology and if shes not over it by then you need to explain to her that your children are also in your best intrest and you feel that it is unfair to them and you that they don't get to see your family on sundays. if shes unreasonable then you need find out what kind of underlying issue she has because it could not be that big of a deal. Good Luck and god bless
2007-09-11 08:41:06 · answer #9 · answered by EricaS 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sunday you and the kids go visit your parents and if they ask why your wife isnt there tell them that she is still upset over the 2 month ago incident. Keep it real and thats that.
2007-09-11 08:02:11 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋