"How are you doing"..?

Question

Hi,
I am a new graduate student in USA, and often people ask me casually and quickly, "How am I doing"? like Profs, salespersons at supermarket, peers etc etc. After saying, "I am fine" etc, Should I ask them back on how are *they* doing..?? I mean is it rude to just tell about yourself, and not ask them back, but I find it very mechanical and some kind of ritual to ask them back, and sometimes out of place, if they seemed to throw a quick "how are you doing" at me..

Pl give some insights, or should the reaction be diff depending on pple on opposite..like diff for Profs, and diff for peers..??

Thanks

Answer 1

More often than not this type of question is just to acknowledge the other person, not to really find out how they are. It is way to general asked that way so I usually ask back, "How am I doing relative to what?"

Answer 2

Great question! I'm an ESL teacher, and I know that this question is very important. People find it weird if you don't know what to do at the beginning of a conversation.

First of all, good job for saying, "Fine" when people ask you this question. That is an appropriate response.

Whether or not you ask "How are you?" or "How are you doing" depends on whether you are willing to start a conversation with the person or not. Perhaps you might just sit in your department office and observe what people say to each other when they come and go. Here are some possibilities:

A: Hi! How are you?
B: (nothing)
(Conversation does not continue.)
This is often considered rude.

A: Hi! How are you?
B: Fine.
(Conversation does not continue.)
This one often happens when people are just walking by and don't stop to talk. B shows that he/she doesn't want to talk by not asking the question back.

A: Hi! How are you?
B: Fine, how are you?
A: Good.
(Conversation does not continue.)
B indicated that he/she was willing to have a conversation, but A did not continue the conversation by saying anything after "Good".

A: Hi! How are you?
B: Fine, how are you?
A: Great. Hey, did you get that message I left in your box today?
(Conversation continues.)
This is a very typical pattern at the beginning of the conversation. Both people indicate their willingness to talk by doing this ritual conversation opening.

I hope these example patterns make sense to you. Some people break these patterns, but they are very typical. So your response should depend on whether you want to continue a conversation or not. Again, I recommend that you observe people and see what they do, then imitate.

One last note:
If you are the first person to ask the question, the emphasis should go on the verb : "How ARE you?" "How are you DOING?"
If you are the second person to ask the question, the emphasis should go on "you": "How are YOU?" "How are YOU doing?"
This is very important and I always teach it to my ESL pronunciation students.

Send me a message if you need more help.

Answer 3

In the South, it would be considered a cardinal sin not to ask how a person is doing! Just tell them "I am fine and I hope you are doing well also." Or you can just ask them simply "How are you?". This greeting is most often used to show personal concern in hurried situations. Unfortunately, some folks respond too honestly when you ask how they are...and you get a list of complaints or illnesses being suffered. :) These greetings are proper in a work or casual situation. It is a little mechanical, but it's all we've got! It can be quite amusing too...Next time someone asked how you are, tell them "GREAT!" with a big smile and walk away. They will be wondering what fabulous thing happen to you!

Answer 4

Asking "How are you?" is simply a polite formality in the States. It doesn't mean "Give me your life story", just "I hope you're doing well". For example, lets say I go into a grocery store and I'm checking out with the cashier. 9 times out of 10, the conversation goes:

Cashier: "Hello, how are you?"
Me: "I'm fine, thank you! How are you today?"
Cashier: "I'm fine, thanks!"

It is pretty robotic, but it's simply meant to be friendly is all.

=D

Answer 5

this situation has happened w/ me and my friend...we occasionally see eachother in the hallways (in high school) and we both are usually going opposite directions... he says "hey how r ya?" and i said "good, u?" i think its better if ur in a rush and can't actually stand and talk, make a short reply so u hav time to ask about the other person....sometimes i dont get to ask "and u?" then i feel terrible...so i remember to ask next time....good luck! hope i helped!

Answer 6

I don't know if this is "proper" or not, but I respond with a quick "Fine, and you?" It just feels right to respond in kind.

Answer 7

I would usually say the same to everyone: Fine thanks, and you?? No more details, as Im sure they arent eager to know anyway........ They are just being polite, and so am I.

Answer 8

I agree with "Just2candid", just to acknowledge a person is what it's all about.

Answer 9

Just say fine and yourself.

Answer 10

I always ask back how they are doing!