Okay my boyfriend gets mad when I do stuff for my family…. I mean its not like anything bad its just when I am over his house my mom or sister will call and need something and ill run and jump to it… he seems to think they are using me and trying to keep me from him cuz last night I was suppose to go by walmart and get some meat and when I made it half way home my sister changed her mind and said she wasn’t going to cook that…. Well, he got pretty mad cuz I left his house….
He has been taking everything out on me lately, like he is ragging… he makes me cry then he says he is sorry and he loves me he just has a lot on his mind… I love him with all my heart and I don’t want to lose him. Then they other day we kinda got into it because he likes to drink a lot and go to bars and honestly bars are not my thing.. I don’t see the fun in it….. then he told me he was going to stop drinking because he didn’t want to lose me and he knew I would leave him if he didn’t. I told him it’s okay sometimes just not all the time!!!!!
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What do I do??????????
2007-09-11 06:25:23 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems like to me that you can't stand up to any of them. They all are using you, your man, family, and any one eles you let put you in a box and dictate how, when, and why for you. Stop being a d-a-m-n victim and say NO!!
2007-09-11 06:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
If i were you, i would make sure he quit drinking before your relationship goes any further. I think you two should sit down and talk about your problems together and if that doesn't work, maybe try counseling. No relationship is perfect and everyone is going to fight every once in a while.
As for your family, I could see where he might get mad when you are supposed to be doing something with him but when your family calls you are out the door. He might see that as you putting your family before your relationship with him. You may need to put your foot down and tell your family that you are not their transportation (hard as that may be) but it does seem like every time they need something you are the person they call and you go running.
2007-09-11 06:39:43 · answer #2 · answered by beech97 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. Much like you I put a lot of importance on my family. Fiance gets upset about it sometimes for the same reasons your bf gets mad at you (because I jump when they call, I tend to drop everything I'm doing). He still gets annoyed but I try my best to explain to him that my family is very important to me, I have a loyalty for them that not many people seem to have for their families (or so it seems). Does he have a close knit family? Chances are he doesn't and that's why it's so hard for him to understand.
On the other hand...
It can be unhealthy to always forget about yourself and jump for your family. Your family should be respectful of your time and understand that you also have a life outside of them.
See if you can get him to talk to you. It's possible he has a lot on his mind but the only way you can help him with that is if he opens up to you. In all relationships it's important to have communication. Good for him for making the choice to slow down on the drinking and partying. personally I hate bars, wrong place/wrong time is all it takes and then all hell breaks loose (i've been witness to one too many stabbings/shootings).
Wow! People are quick to say you should lose him - I say do what you think is right for you!
2007-09-11 06:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take this from experience. I'm 35 and I've been through this. All the signs are there. He wants to control you. Get out of the relationship NOW before he throws you over a table or worse...you end up in the hospital like I did.
The guy is an abuser. I'd be more inclined to say he's a physical one too rather than just any other kind. Getting away from these types of guys later is a lot harder than it is in the beginning. Don't allow yourself to be taken in.
-T
2007-09-11 06:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by sweetypie9 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your family to run their own erands when possible so you aren't their door mat and they will know you have your limits. Tell your boyfriend you did this for him. Tell him you did this to make more quality time for the 2 of you. (makes him feel special and gives you a bargaining chip. See where I'm going with this...) Then you tell him now you need him to stop hanging at the bars for you, (1 step at a time)After he does that, work on cutting back on the alcohol. if it still bugs you, if it don't then all is good. Point out all the health risks.It's all about compromise. You'll see where you stand pretty fast.
2007-09-11 07:17:19 · answer #5 · answered by 84purpleshovel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out where your priorities lie; you're going to get very little consolation out of coming home to your sister and mother when your relationship goes down the tubes because you were playing nursemaid to a bunch of old maids cracking the whip every few minutes while you're creating your life with a man. On the other hand, your guy doesn't sound like he really has his shet together, either. What I suggest is that you concetrate on YOU and let them sort out their respective problems; when you want to be there with the guy, do it; when your sister or mother call and tell you they NEED you, ask them why. You're not the only means of getting to a store or carrying groceries...they did it before you were there to do it for them, you're just a convienience. Get a life!!! And, make sure they all know you have one...
2007-09-11 06:46:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a best friend like that to his wife they go through the same thing, let me tell you it is good that you are so close to your family, and he is not going to stop drinking maybe for a week or 2 then he will go back to it again,its always that way.he is a little jealous of your family and wants all your time with him he has to make a choice between you and the night life,you don't deserve the mental abuse that you receive out of it and if he did quit maybe he would not feel left out .you love him .i know but in all reality he is not for you right now,because for what i have seen in the past with different people is that it only gets worse,back away a little look around and you will see.
2007-09-11 06:37:01 · answer #7 · answered by mike l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is three sides to this picture.
Should you take care of your family while you are with your boyfriend? Sure. Emergencies happen, and you need to take care of it. Should you do this for non-emergencies and for things others can easily take care of, instead of you? Probably not.
What seems to be happening is, you are acting as a "go-fer" for your family. Why is this your job? Can your sister do this? or no?
Is he right in getting mad at you and take it out on you? I can see how he can be annoyed if this happens all the time and for things that are non urgent and non-critical.
I think, what you have to do is to really evaluate, what you are doing and why you are doing it. Then, sit down and talk to your boyfriend. Then, talk to your family about respecting your time and activities. Share the load.... surely, you are not the only one who can pickup meat.
I am not saying either one of you is right or wrong, including your family. I am saying, all parties involved need to discuss this, and decide.
2007-09-11 06:35:06 · answer #8 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to tell your mother and your sister that you are busy, and they can go and get their own meat from Wal-Mart.
You are sending a clear message to your boyfriend - picking up meat for my sister is more important to me than spending time with you. Now, it's okay that your sister is more important than him, but you're not being asked to decide between the two - you're being asked to be a gopher and to give up your social life in favor of being a beck-and-call girl for your family.
It's not right that your family would put you in that position, and it's my feeling that your boyfriend is justified in feeling put-upon for this.
Next time your mom or sister asks you do run some errand for them, tell them politely that you're busy, but you'll be happy to stop at that store on your way home later, if that works. Otherwise, your answer should be “no”, plainly and simply.
Good luck to you with your family and your boyfriend!
2007-09-11 06:33:30 · answer #9 · answered by Becka Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and evaluate all aspects of your relationship with your bf as well as your family. Drinking is a major issue. I lived w/ an alcoholic before and was miserable all along. Now, I'm happier and less stressed. In my opinion family comes first, why, because when he leaves or hurts you they will be the first ones there to lend a hand. Choose wisely!! Good Luck!!
2007-09-11 06:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by Mona 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he's willing to stop drinking for you then maybe you should try not to leave his house when your over there. Tell your parents that you will do the errands but it will just take a little bit longer because your busy with something else. Try that out for a week and see how he treats you. You guys will have to compromise, i know it's not easy at times but just try your best if you love him. Good luck.
2007-09-11 06:32:00 · answer #11 · answered by M@caroni 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋