Okay, so I first off will say that my husband has only gone like twice since we've been together. But I have a history of being sexually abused and raped and suffer from low self-esteem as a result, although I am working on this. When my husband goes to these places, or talks about them, I feel horrible about myself. I feel the same way about porn, I won't watch it because I feel ashamed if I do. I should probably mention that I grew up in a very religious and conservative household and I am trying to overcome a lot of stuff from that. Most of the time my husband seems very sensitive to my issues, but at the same time he can get very frustrated with me. Last night he went to a strip club with some of his friends. I tried not to overreact, but it just triggered a lot of my issues. I don’t know what to do. My husband says that he doesn’t like going to them, yet he tells me that it’s just something guys do. How can I get over this? And how can I get my husband to see how much it really bothers me?
2007-09-11 05:53:48 · 6 answers · asked by kaliluna 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Personally, I dont think the way you feel is abnormal. I think a lot of wives would have a problem with their husbands going to a strip club, especially if they went without the wife! I am sure there are people who think it is a normal thing that guys do, but believe me there are plenty who don't think this way. You should be able to be yourself with your husband, express the way you truly feel and he should realize that if it is no big deal to him, and he doesn't even like going to them, then it should be no big deal to stop the behavior that is causing you pain. By continuing to do this he is making a statement that he cares more about his buddies and what they want him to do than he does about your feelings. He likely tries to make you feel like YOU are the one that has a problem, right? This is a common tactic of an emotional abuser and it is obviously working on you because you have written that you feel horrible about yourself. Don't buy into this. What you should feel horrible about is the way your husband is treating you. You have every right to expect your husband to be sensitive to your feelings. You don't need to justify or explain WHY you feel the way you do about strip clubs nor about not wanting to watch porn. There is an excellent book entitled "The Emotionally Abused Woman" by Beverly Engel that you might find helpful with your self esteme issues. Good luck honey and believe in yourself!
2007-09-11 06:29:16 · answer #1 · answered by yesterday 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would hate it if my boyfriend went to a stripclub. It would make me feel horrible as well!!! I think that it would be a good idea to sit down and talk with him about it and say "hey this makes me feel uncomfortable and this is why..." It is not asking to much when you ask a guy to be true to only you. That's what a relationship is. It is pretty inconsiderate of him to go to stripclubs if he knows how you feel about them and what it does to you on the inside. And no, not all guys go to strip clubs and it isn't "what they just do". My boyfriend and his guy friends NEVER go to stripclubs. They work on cars and watch movies, eat pizza and drink beer and are really awsome people. (And I know this cuz I'm "one of the guys" and do the same things they do) I could understand a stripclub if it was a bacholers party (although I would still be very offended) I see NO reason why a husband needs to go to stripclubs. I think it's pretty rude and unappropriate.
2007-09-11 06:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, for starters... You probably feel a little rejected and rightfully so. I mean, who really likes it if their hubby goes to a strip club to see naked women? :( IMO, a woman who strips is only degrading herself, just as how you were victimized in your past was degrading to you. Being raped was degrading to me also. The only way you can deal with this for yourself is to speak to your therapist about it. If your hubby doesn't like going to these clubs, tell him to find new friends. Most definitely tell him how you feel and why.
2007-09-11 06:18:23 · answer #3 · answered by Meemaw's Pride & Joy 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I took my ex-husband to a strip club for his birthday one day and when he got home and we were in bed he asked me "Why can't you look like they do?" I was very hurt but didn't show it. Men go there to see naked women and I think it's disgusting.
2007-09-11 11:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by MissKathleen 6 · 10⤊ 0⤋
Quote: ["My husband says that he doesn’t like going to them, yet he tells me that it’s just something guys do. How can I get over this? And how can I get my husband to see how much it really bothers me?"]
There ARE guys who go to strip clubs - scummy ones.
Real Men are at home with their wife, when it comes to sexual stuff, not off oogling someone else.
You DO NOT NEED TO "get over this". He needs to knock off his inappropriate behavior and when the guys go there, let them know they go without him.
How can you get him to see how much it really bothers you?
This young and foolish fellow needs to spend some time at YOUR therapy sessions and do some reading assignments to GET A CLUE.
Here are some people that understand the mental health side of sexual abuse issues. http://newlife.com or call
1-800-NEWLIFE. They have some great reading and conference and therapy resources that fit the problem you two are dealing with. I recommend them.
2007-09-11 06:53:17 · answer #5 · answered by Hope 7 · 4⤊ 4⤋
next time he wants to go there join him.
2007-09-11 13:07:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 7⤋