ok, I'm ok with paying for lunch and stuff with my girlfriend, no big deal, I make more money than her, and that's fine...but I don't make a TON of money and I end up spending a lot of money on movies, lunches, dinner etc to the point where I can't really buy a ton just for me, and my girlfriend rarely pitches in...unless i mention it. We'll be at lunch and she'll say "i can't pay, i have no money", then right after we'll go to a store to look around, and she'll buy a $130 chair for her apartment, and pay in cash...I brought it up and she just said "you're mean" and just got mad about it...I don't know, am I wrong for wanting her to pitch in sometimes IF she actually has money to spend on herself? I mean we've been dating for 3 years, we're past the guy always paying stage. how do i bring this up without sounding mean?
2007-09-11 05:32:32 · 14 answers · asked by bd 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
She's greedy and selfish -- not to mention clueless.
If you want to continue to be with her (why, I don't know -- there are HUMAN females out there, you know), then you do need to address the problem.
You need to set limits. Take her to less expensive places; or say "I'd love to go to XXX, but just can't afford it; all I can afford is YYY, unless you can split the cost."
Make arrangements before actually going out -- after the bill has arrived is too late.
But, as I say, if she can say she has no money, when she obviously does, then she's not really worth much, is she?
2007-09-11 08:28:36 · answer #1 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you plan on moving the relationship to the next level, i.e. marriage or moving in together, you should sit down and have a frank discussion about finances. This is essential in any couple and will give a good indication as to how you will deal with money as a couple. Since money is the biggest factor in marriage breakdown (even more than cheating) it is essential that you get it out of the way and insure that you are both contributing in a way that feels fair to both of you. This doesn't necessarily mean 50/50 but something equitable.
If you do not plan on moving the relationship out of the casual dating realm, you are a bit stuck. Traditionally the man pays for all outings, but in this day and age, women do often help pick up the tab. Waiting this long to have the discussion however will make her feel very uncomfortable as in..."Well he was happy to pay for three years...why does he want to go Dutch all of a sudden?"
If you really can't afford to pick up the check and cant face confronting her, change the way that you spend time together. Bring a packed lunch for two (sandwiches that you made at home and bottles of water) and ask her to join you for lunch on a park bench. Or cook dinner (relatively cheap pasta) at home. She will eventually ask why all of the outings have stopped, you can then explain that you are saving money or that you are a bit strapped for cash, but wanted to continue treating her as best you could. If she is the type of girl that you want to have a long term relationship with.....she will find it very touching and offer to start splitting the tab.
best wishes
2007-09-11 05:52:20 · answer #2 · answered by TelulahB 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Study your budget and tell your lady how much you're able to spend on dates each month. Leave how to distribute that budget up to her. That is, if you date budget is $300 a month, she can choose to see you four times a month and keep the spending down to an average of $75 -- or she can see you once a month for a show and fine dining. Suggest alternatives like grilling out or waffle brunches instead of eating out, hosting a monthly card party instead of movies every week, and so on. Her options are to either (1) be satisfied with what you are willing to spend (2) occasionally pay the bill herself (3) dump you.
2007-09-11 06:18:48 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been dating for three years, it should be comfortable talking about splitting the bill sometimes shouldn't it? If she is the diva type I think you should tell her just when you are deciding to eat out, you brought enough money for so-and-so budget (maybe In-N-Out dinner only) because you are experiencing a strain in your wallet. Nicely tell her you are trying to save up for something (even if it is as vague as the "future") so you can't afford to buy her dinner and movie tickets all the time. You don't have to sit her down for this so she wouldn't feel pushed to the wall. Maybe next time you go out and spend on your date, casually mention to her that you end up spending all your money just in time til your next paycheck and that you are worried about your financial status. Give her a blunt hint that she needs to pay her way sometimes, because you don't want to go broke.
2007-09-11 06:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by Tammy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and talk to her. Tell her that you don't mind treating her once in a while, but you really can't pay for everything all the time. It really should be 50/50 when possible.
My boyfriend and I do the same thing. He does pay for more stuff when we go out because he makes more money and I have more bills to pay. But, we also sit down and say ok, if you want to do this, then we can't do this cause we don't have the money. Or, you pay for this and I'll pay for that.
If that doesn't work for her, then she's selfish.
2007-09-11 05:39:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I would start answering questions like "where are we going out to this weekend," or "what are we doing special for blah blah holiday coming up," with a sincere, "I don't have money for that." If she then complains that you guys never do anything anymore, then she is ripe to have the conversation about going dutch. From there you can take some of the excellent advice other people are posting for you.
2007-09-11 06:20:51 · answer #6 · answered by chicagoshooter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im of a different technology the the feminine you're relationship. I even tend to assume the guy pays for the 1st date, yet after that I assume to pay one million/2 the time. i understand my fiance and that i've got date night as quickly as in line with week, and we alternating take turns finding out on the interest. Who ever chooses pays. yet my mom, who's 50, thinks it incredibly is the tip of the worldwide, that the guy could continuously pay. perchance the subsequent time she desires to go someplace recommend a night at abode, say something approximately how going out isn't in the fee variety this week... then she might supply to pay, and pay supply greater usually. in any different case, in case you incredibly like her, you will possibly be able to could pay each and all of the time, that could take the relaxing out of relationship.
2016-12-31 19:42:45 · answer #7 · answered by looney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to bring this up to her. The whole "the man always pays" isn't applicable today.
My partner and I usually switch off when it comes to paying. If we're going out to dinner and a movie, one of us will pay for dinner and the other one will pay for the movie.
If she refuses to help split costs, there's a problem. If you two are going to take your relationship to the next level, you're going to have to talk about this. If she's unwilling to budge, it's better you find out now than down the road.
2007-09-11 05:45:27 · answer #8 · answered by gopher646 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's not willing to split the bills, then you'll know she's in this relationship for more than just you.
You can bring it up by discussing your future together, and how finances factor into a monogamous relationship.
My girlfriend and I have a little game: we always compete for who gets to pay the bill, trying to trick the other so that we can pay. It remains fair and keeps it fun.
2007-09-11 05:39:20 · answer #9 · answered by Michael 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok so you've dated 3 yrs, you should discuss that unless you're saying "I'll treat you to lunch, dinner, etc" "we're going dutch." Or take turns treating - that's nice when the other person treats you.
2007-09-11 05:44:06 · answer #10 · answered by Alyse 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋