My birthday was last month. Two friends ignored it, or forgot about (despite being bluntly reminded ahead of time). About 2 weeks later, one of them (Kate) said, "so how long until your birthday?" And I responded, "about 347 days...." Then the other (Bill) said, "oh - we missed his Xth birthday..." Neither of them took the opportunity at that time to even say "Happy Birthday" or "sorry dude, we forgot your birthday."
I did not need a party, or gifts, or anything. A happy birthday would have been nice, since I always remember theirs. I don't expect everyone to remember my birthday exactly, so even a belated - "Hey! Happy Birthday!" when they found out they missed it would have been cool.
So, I've decided that there will be no cards, gifts, free drinks, or even so much as a Happy Birthday acknowledgment for either of theirs.
Poor etiquette?
2007-09-11 04:46:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
By "bluntly reminded" I mean that a week or so before my birthday, during a couple of conversations on aging and upcoming birthdays - I pointed out that mine was the following week on such-and-such date. I just was pointing out that it's not like I expected them to have it memorized.
2007-09-12 02:29:14 · update #1
Sometimes just being the bigger person is insulting enough.
2007-09-11 04:54:52 · answer #1 · answered by tyrel l 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
Etiquette is about making others feel respected and cared for. So... just because someone didn't make you feel respected and cared for shouldn't dictate your behavior.
There is no way of knowing why your friends failed to acknowledge your birthday. Perhaps they had serious things on their mind and simply forgot. Perhaps in their families, birthdays are not considered a big deal. Maybe they were put off by your "bluntly reminding" them. But no matter what the reason, their breach of etiquette is not carte blanc for you to behave poorly.
If you value them as friends, over look the error and celebrate their birthday as you normally would. If you don't value their friendship, then move on.
best wishes
2007-09-11 05:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by TelulahB 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a bit like "sour grapes". But there is no reason that you have to acknowledge their birthdays. The reason people wish others Happy Birthday is that they are friends or care about them. It sounds like you are truly upset because your friends acted very unkindly towards you. That sucks! They should have said sorry for forgetting your birthday and wished you a belated one, but they didn't. Try to let it go! It was poor form on their part, but don't let it be on yours! If you remember on the day, just wish them a happy birthday and leave it at that. Don't be bitter about it. Maybe for this year skip the cards, gifts, free drinks etc. But be the bigger person and say happy birthday. You will feel better about yourself in the end.
Oh btw: Happy Belated Birthday to YOU!
2007-09-11 04:59:06 · answer #3 · answered by Spirit Girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Cards and drinks are not called for. However, saying Happy Birthday hurts nothing in all honesty. Forget the gifts and all the hype, you don't need to go out of your way. I think that by telling your bud's Happy Birthday you'll feel better in the end. "Happy Belated Birthday To You"
2007-09-11 06:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by ishowtt4beads 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could do a combined birthday party (if these are really good friends), and just say, hey, we never celebrated my birthday, so let's all get together and celebrate our birthdays at the same time. If these folks are not good friends, just saying "happy birthday" on their day might get your point across. I know I forget friend's birthdays too sometimes but if you are truly good friends, it should be okay. Also, the older you get the less you want to be reminded, anyway!
2007-09-11 05:01:39 · answer #5 · answered by ga.peach67 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont bow to their level, be the better person and tell them Happy Birthday, or do what ever you have done in the past to celebrate their day. Oh and " Happy Belated Birthday"
2007-09-15 01:38:14 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes Poor Etiquette, two wrongs don't make a right. It would turn into a never ending cycle of you and your friends not saying happy birthday. I mean who knows they may have wrote it on their calenders once they said they missed it. You never know. Don't stoop down to their level, no point, you be the better person.
2007-09-11 04:58:28 · answer #7 · answered by Sincerely Yours 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
yes. Do unto others and all that. My own dad forgot my birthday this year, (big 16) but I still wished him a happy birthday when his came around.
Furthermore, holding that grudge (which is what you're doing, whether you think of it that way or not) doesn't hurt anyone as much as you. You will find yourself feeling sad and empty instead of triumphant or proud.
2007-09-11 04:56:26 · answer #8 · answered by Jimmy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
IT's a wonder there are such a**hole friends. Your decision is right. Why acknowledge theirs if they can forget yours and yet not even an apology or belated wishes? How can they count themselves as your friend if you do remember theirs?
2007-09-11 05:11:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should show up and do what you would normally would do, and if the conversation EVER comes up, then you could say "Oh yeah!, Like the way you guys wished me a happy b-day on my Xth b-day" or something like that, and then the'll be like "Ah shiznit we didn't happy b... man we feel like crap lets take him out to dinner"
Man i love the way my plans always work out for me "in my head"
2007-09-11 04:56:34 · answer #10 · answered by brus6286 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you would look spiteful. Just say happy birthday and thats it. You dont have to celebrate with them or even get a card.....just dont ignore it. Your stooping to there level and you know your better than that.....besides I would feel worse if I forgot yours and you remembered mine.....OUCH!
2007-09-11 05:23:32 · answer #11 · answered by divers_godeeper 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋