Whats the best joke you have ever heard?

Answer 1

The Cork

Two Arab terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one notices the other has a huge cork stuck in his butt.
If you do not mind me saying," said the second, "that cork looks very uncomfortable. Why do you not take it out?"
I regret I cannot", lamented the first Arab. "It is permanently stuck in my butt."
"I do not understand," said the other.
The first Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a huge old man in an American flag attire with a white beard and top hat came boiling out.
He said, "I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish."
I said, "No sh**?"

Answer 2

A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a lady's door.

"Excuse me Ma'am I'm selling this great new.."
"I'm not interested"
"But Ma'am this is the best vacuum cleaner..."
"I can't afford it"
"I'd like to give you a free.."
The salesman got his foot in the door and pushed his way in.
"Now Ma'am I will show you how good this vacuum is"
He dumps a pile of horse manure on the floor.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Ma'am if this vacuum does not pick up every speck of this I will personally eat the remainder!"
"I hope you're hungry, the electric company cut off my power this morning."

Answer 3

2 guys walk into a bathrom and start using the urinals when one said to the other, " Boy this water is sure cold" and the other says " And it's deep too!".

Answer 4

Tenjooberrymuds?

Sound familiar, perhaps???







By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TENJOOBERRYMUDS...

In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to
Learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following
Conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".

With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the
Growing trend!!!
Now, here goes...

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and
Room-service:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: ".....What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... Scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I... Don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes'
Means."

RS: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?!?"

G: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on
Sigh and copy... Rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds."

G: "You're welcome.

Answer 5

bertie basset went to the vd clinic and said to the doctor i have coconut all over my willy what the hell you been up to says the doctor f*****g allsorts

a woman went to the antiques road show shoved a tampon in the experts face and said right you clever f****r what periods this from

Answer 6

the best joke i have ever heard not sure...but I know you make america look bad...YAWN.........

Answer 7

If I live to be one hundred years old, I'll never forget old what's his face.

Answer 8

She offered her honor,
He honored her offer,
And all night long,
He was on her and off her.