I spanked my son this morning HARD for losing his glasses...first off i shouldn't be spanking him. I am trying to quit. they say its bad for your kid. So i am trying to reserve spanking for really bad things....he has been doing awesome in school. I feel like crap...
2007-09-11 03:37:42 · 33 answers · asked by bhbghgjbvmnbncvb 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You should.... Apologize to your son and make a grand gesture to regain his respect and trust.... Have you lost things before... Treat him with the respect and dignity he deserves...
2007-09-11 03:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by Joey_Pit 3 · 4⤊ 6⤋
You know, you have to dicipline your child how you see fit. I think the childs age has a lot to do with it. You wouldn't spank a young child for this, but an older one...yes. And I agree to never spank in anger, and more then likely you were mad (as I would have been, too). You could have sat them down and talked about what happened, but again it is age dependent.
So many here are going to judge you and tell you that you shouldn't spank you child. However, if you child is like mine...time outs, loss of TV or computer, loss of toys, etc do not work, nothing works. Then spanking is a last and final resort.
Guilt is all part of the parenting process, it is a horrible feeling to spank a child. Sometimes a good spanking will make them think twice about things or keep a better control on their personal belongings. I highly doubt after a spaking that they will let it happen again.
Best of luck and don't be so hard on yourself.
2007-09-11 06:25:13 · answer #2 · answered by Aundrea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't know who says spanking is bad for a kid. I think they are wrong. Heck even the Bible says to spank your kid. as for spanking him for losing his glasses there are a lot of things that need to be said. First, How old is he? obviously if he is 3 that is not right he should not have to keep track of them. If he is 10 sure. did is lose them on purpose? if he burried them in the back yars I probably would have spanked him too. If they are just missing, did he check behind the dresser, I may have been a little more lenient on him.
I don't think you are a bad parent. the fact that you feel some remorse for your actions says that. Talk to hom when he gets home from school and explane how important it is for him to have his glasses then tell him how you feel about what happened this morning. Have some milk and cookies and I am sure all will be forgiven. Don't be too hard on yourself.
2007-09-11 04:06:32 · answer #3 · answered by j_lynn_griff 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I spanked my son for losing his glasses too. They ended up being lost for 5 days.
The thing with spanking is that you can NEVER spank when you're angry. You have to be in control of yourself. It's also important to reconnect with your child after you spank. Don't just leave him to cry all alone in his room. Hold him. Talk with him, but don't nag. Re-affirm your love for him.
If he's in school, probably you could find something that would be more effective discipline. Taking things away works pretty well. Make sure you're taking away things he values though. It has a much stronger effect he loses his GameBoy or outside privileges for 2 days than it would be for him to lose his old toy or doing something he doesn't love.
You're not a bad parent because you spank your child once in a while.
Also remember that it takes 10 praises to have the same effect as 1 criticism. So be sure to tell him you're proud of how well he's doing in school and home.
2007-09-11 05:03:37 · answer #4 · answered by imamom4god 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read all of the answers, and all I saw was a lot of people saying "don't spank your child" what in the hell is wrong with people. I am a mom so I already know as a mother that this is not the first time this has happened, he has lost his glasses before, you talked, your reasoned, you may have even punished, so this time when he lost them he got spanked! Good for you! We all feel like crap after we spank our children, that is normal. Did you beat him mercilessly? No, you spanked him. Did you hit him like you were hitting another adult? No, you spanked him! He is not going to die, he is not going to be scared for life, but he also will not loose his glasses again! Good for you! Actually you are a more sane parent than I am. Last year my daughter was in first grade, I went to get her up for school and I stepped on something that hurt my foot, (plus her room was a mess) so I took every thing she owned and threw it in the middle of her floor, clothes, toys, movies, I mean everything, then when she got home from school she had to do her home work and put every thing back perfectly! It took her a week! But her room to this day is spotless! The point is if they learn the lesson you did your job!
2007-09-11 04:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
No, you aren't a bad parent...I know what it feels like to have a reaction and then feel badly because of your lack of control. I have been known to be this way, over-react, or not think things thru before I speak. Occasionally I swat my children on the bottom too. The best thing you can do is to apologize for your poor behavior when it happens. Let your son know that while it was bad of him to lose his glasses, it was also bad of you to "yell and spank" or "over react". Then tell him the two of you will work on things together, he will work on keeping better care of his glasses, and you will work on your tendancies to over react. Now you've changed the energy into something more positive.
2007-09-11 05:19:45 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'd only be a bad parent if you didn't feel bad right now.
You know you shouldn't have spanked your son. Everyone loses things occasionally. You spanked him because you were angry and that's the wrong reason to do it.
I don't believe in spanking, but my brothers and I were spanked and it didn't hurt any of us (beyond the obvious). But before you take that first swing, make sure you aren't just taking out your anger and frustration on your son and reserve severe punishments for truly bad behavior.
Your son didn't set out to lose his glasses. A more correct punishment if he was careless would be to make him do extra chores to help pay for the replacements. Then he learns the lesson of valuing his possessions enough to take care of them.
2007-09-11 03:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
make sure You are not angry when you spank and explain the punishment. if loosing the glasses is a habit try something else for punishment, and a new system of organization. in my opinion spanking is not necessarily bad.it is only a form of punishment a long as the child is not being abused. MOST IMPORTANT: always keep your cool.!!!! he's doing fine in school so you're not a bad parent,necessarily!
2007-09-11 04:37:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one.....the fact that you feel bad about it means you know that there is something wrong. Let me preface with saying I do believe in spanking. A lot of problems in society I think stem from a lack of discipline early on. But, you said it in your question....."reserve spanking for really bad thing." You need to really look at what you think are "really bad things" and go from there. If you constintly use spanking as your only tool in discipline it will wear off its effectiveness. I always use the saying, The crime should fit the punishment. Don't let your rage out on your child. When you are spanking you should it should be an act of complete control and not an emotional rage. Look at why you are so angry with him and go from there. If you really think you were not justified this time....tell him and apologize.....explain that mommy/daddy messed up and will work on it....just like he needs to work on NOT losing his glasses.
2007-09-11 03:47:52 · answer #9 · answered by Britt 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋
My dear, you are a parent not perfect. We, as parents, all make mistakes and we worry constantly what psychological harm we might be inflicting on our kids. You should speak with your son about the importance of keeping valuable items such as his glasses (valuable more so because they help his sight and less so financially) safe and ask him to more careful next time. Since you feel so badly about the spanking then you may want to apologize for that. And remember to commend him for the great job he is doing in school.
Good luck!
2007-09-11 05:22:22 · answer #10 · answered by kingston girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a bad parent if this is isolated. You are human and make mistakes.
Sit your son down and explain to him that you are sorry, the punishment was not appropriate for the crime. He should not have lost his glasses, but you should not have reacted that way. Ask him what he thinks is a proper punishment for losing his glasses, if he needs help, maybe you can offer for him to earn money around the house to help pay for new ones. You will pay half since you also need a consequence. Love and hugs and I think all will be ok.
2007-09-11 04:10:15 · answer #11 · answered by Question Addict 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋