hello. A "close" friend of mine did not invite me to his wedding. That I found hurtful, but what was worse was that he didn't tell me anything about it. I thought it was pretty rude. When we discussed it, he basically told me to get over it, and didn't give me an explanation as to why he didn't at least tell me why he wouldn't invite me. I told him I wouldn't do that to him, and didn't expect it to be done to me. We have since both moved on, and wished each other the best.
Please keep in mind this was a "close" friend. I have seen him more over the last 5 years than any other close friend. If would be nice to hear other's opinions on this or similar experiences. Thanks-
2007-09-11 03:25:32 · 20 answers · asked by eadragon21 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You don't seem to be having, or even trying to have, much insight into your friend's situation. Instead of brooding about how hurt you are, try to see it from your friend's perspective.
Are you a part of your friend's social circle, someone that he normally invited to all his parties? Do you know his family? Do you have many friends and acquaintance in common? Were they invited?
If the answer to any of these is no, then consider how awkward it would have been for this gentleman to announce to his engaged and all their families that there is a "close" female friend about whom they know little or nothing -- but who must be invited. Awkward.
And how close is "close"?
2007-09-11 03:41:02 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Weddings are expensive, If the bride's family and/or couple didn;t have the financial means to afford a grandiose wedding, so bet.
No one is obligated to invite everyone and their neighbor to their weddings, as that is a personal matter.
When you budget a wedding, the couple has the painstaking task of choosing who they want at their wedding among all the deserving ones, but sometimes, when there are budget and financial issues, people cannot afford to have everyone that they wished, and cut way back on the guest list.
Keep in mind that is not easy to say "hey, we cannot afford to have you" and sometimes is best to keep mum not to offend anyone. Some couples even choose to elope so they don;t have to deal with the expense of a gran wedding or peopel being offended by not being invited.
For some people, expending a fortune on a wedding is less important and they may have elected wiser options, such as an intimate wedding and putting money on a house payment instead.
I understand that it hurts, but in a wedding, you only need a bride a groom, an offician and a witness. Everything else is added to that.
Good luck
2007-09-11 10:31:25 · answer #2 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not really sure what your question is...
I have a similar situation. A *very* good friend of mine (very close since kindergarden) didn't invite me to her wedding two weeks ago. I was okay with it because I was living overseas and now on the other side of the country and couldn't go anyway. What really upset me was that I heard about the wedding date through the grapevine, she hasn't emailed me since the early spring (I've emailed her), etc. She was so embarassed that she wasn't inviting me (maybe she thought I'd get mad at her?) that she didn't even have the decency to tell me the wedding date and email me at all! And this is someone I saw almost every day for 20 years. (Seriously.)
Was I hurt? Of course. But I got over it. Like I said, I'm more upset that she let me hear about everything through the grapevine than telling me herself. I guess I'll just have to see what happens - of course I don't want this to stop us from being friends (I'm not upset about not getting an invite) but we'll see.
If you don't feel you want to be friends with him anymore, then don't be. But, since he's not telling you why you weren't invited, you don't know the real reason. Do you get along with his family and his wife? Etc.
2007-09-11 10:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by tink 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People can get pretty weird when it comes to weddings. My uncle's first wife only wanted blonde women and girls in her wedding party (she herself was a brunette?!). A former friend of mine chose her guests according to who she could expect to get the nicest gifts from (well, that was her explanation for not inviting me). And there are plenty of mothers of the bride (fathers too, I'm sure) who seem to think it is THEIR wedding, or that since they are paying for it then they get to decide all the details. (I had a tearful fight with my own mother over what kind of cake to order because of this logic. My mom loves marble cake and I hate it.) Another friend of mine was invited to a mutual friend's wedding but was told by the bride that she almost didn't make the cut! What the heck? People are strange.
Since he won't talk about it, you'll never know what the reason was. I'd try to get over it, if you can. If he really is a close friend, this wedding isn't worth a falling-out.
2007-09-11 11:55:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would feel very hurt too. The only reasons I can think of would be:
1) It was a tiny wedding with family only so he didn't mention it to you because he didn't want to explain that you weren't invited.
2) It was a shotgun wedding or the wedding was done at the last minute. Perhaps he felt embarrassed or something.
3) The bride hates your guts and didn't want you there.
These are all the possibilities I can think of. It was good that you confronted him about it. I'm sorry he didn't have more sensitivity and apologize.
2007-09-11 11:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There could be a myriad of reasons that you were left out. Financial reasons are one. Maybe his fiancee doesn't like you, for valid or invalid reasons that you may or may not know about. Sometimes people can be petty like that and your friend was just trying to not hurt your feelings in the first place.
How would you have felt if he had told you that he was getting married but couldn't invite you, a "close" friend?
I have been left out of friends' weddings while ALL our other mutual friends were invited. And it's tough
You shouldn't take it personally. There seems to be a reason that your friend doesn't want to tell you to your face. Just accept it gracefully and continue to be his friend.
2007-09-11 10:42:32 · answer #6 · answered by Rob A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't begin to speculate as to why he didn't invite you. There could be many reasons. He took the time to discuss it with you, so I would say that he wasn't trying to be intentionally mean spirited.
Perhaps he didn't give you a reson for not inviting you because he didn't want to hurt your feelings? It could be the friendship wasn't as close as you originally thought.
It's great that you both have moved on and wished each other the best. Keep going with that.
2007-09-11 10:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend may only be having a "family only" wedding or a very small wedding. Remember that others probably weren't invited, either. And it was probably very hard for that person not to invite you.
Or: the fiance didn't want you there. Brides get that way sometimes. "I don't want her there because she was an ex or she's a threat or I just don't like her."
Just be happy that your friend found someone to spend the rest of his life with. That's what you two should be focusing on.
2007-09-11 10:33:04 · answer #8 · answered by theewokprincess 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you weren't as close as you thought you were. Or maybe the budget they have set just includes family and no friends. Weddings are an awful lot of money but he still could have said something to you to at least let you know that they did think of you but they are on a budget and can't afford anyone extra if this is the case.
2007-09-11 10:46:13 · answer #9 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok....To Top Contributor: I get that if the wedding was a low budget wedding, then you cut people that you NORMALLY don't see all the time, distant cousins, co-workers that you don't really really know, your mom and dads friends. BUT NOT YOUR "close friend", that you from all that I can tell talk to everyday, and hang out with.
Those are the people you want at your wedding, Or at least I would want. I'm not sure as to why you were not invited, But I don't think that was right. Now, that's just my opinion, But I suggest that you find friends that will be there for you, and expect you to be there for them. Now, if you really didn't talk with them much, and didn't see them much, then I would agree with the Top Contributor, But if this is someone that you spoke with on a daily basis and talked to them about your problems and he shared his with you, then I think you have every right to be upset.
2007-09-11 10:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋