When my gf and I first met we discussed (foolishly) our past sexual histories. I had been with 5 women total in 4 years while she had been with 27 in 2 years (not including oral only). At first this did not bother me but as we dated sometimes she would blurt stuff out that I really did not want to know, like, "I used to kiss all the guys in the club, I had sex in car parked at a busy gas station, I "messed around in a porta-potty" and now I'm having trouble getting these images out of my head. What really troubles me is that I found a letter she had written in which she said the thought of me with the other women made her want to puke but made no mention of her past except "she didn't like to talk about it but sometimes it slips out". Later in the letter she says she must learn to get over it. I think she has an easier time because mine were in the context of relationships and not drunken oneniters. I do know she had low self esteem before she met me but I don't know what to do.
2007-09-11 02:48:03 · 17 answers · asked by poison_memory 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like she is self-centered and only wants everyone to herself. Ditch her.
2007-09-11 02:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I don't know why her past should bother you, it's not part of your history. If you don't want her to talk about her sexual proclivities, then tell her and make some memories of your own!
As for you reading her mail, it sounds to me like you have some self-esteem issues and are rather insecure; you cannot make a person adhere to your image of the 'ideal woman', no matter how hard you try. Jealousy is a wasted emotion! I'm sure there are things you've said and done that wouldn't make you look like such a stud or sweet, loving individual if the people that were around you when you pulled those stunts were to regale her with the details...just ride it till the wheels fall off, enjoy her company for as long you can and move on. Life is too short to worry about things you cannot change!
2007-09-11 03:08:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you could let it go. Understand her and love her for who she is. Accept with her the mistakes of her past. If she loves you, then she probably regrets each and every time she did anything with anybody but you. I know it's going to eat a hole in your brain, but honestly, what are you to do. You can't erase the past. If it's bothering you that much, just ask her kindly to try not to speak of it around you. She can either accept that or not.
If you don't get past this, then your relationship will be at a standstill. You don't want that. You want progression. Just tell her you love her, that you want to experience life with her, and that you are unmoved and uninterested in the past.
Good luck to you.
2007-09-11 02:56:11 · answer #3 · answered by pepinousmc 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shareing your sexuall past is something will all do in our relationships and we all should feel free to ask or answer questions in relation to that. If she is trying to explain something to you and uses the past as a example or is refering to what she is into or not hey thats fine we all do that and why not anyway.
Hmmm but when it comes to just saying things of that contence for no paticullar reason such as referance or just a good vent of frustaration and regualary I would say it is self estem issues or she wants your attaention. 27 men my god, sounds like she has some self respect issues as well
2007-09-11 03:00:59 · answer #4 · answered by Bree 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This kind of stuff is not fun at all. But if you care for her and plan on pursuing the realationship...be honest and talk to her about it.
Just tell her how much you care about her and the fact that when she brings up past situations that it's no exactly comfortable for you.... Just like she doesn't like to think about you with someone else...it goes the same for you.
I mean, i'm all about being honest with eachother about your past, but once you've established that...bury it and move on in your relationship together.
Just tell her whats bothering you, if she cares enough she will understand and seal her lips.
Good Luck
2007-09-11 02:57:03 · answer #5 · answered by SgS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too late buddy!
You should NEVER discuss past sexual history, but done is done.
Anyway, just make sure that she understands that she has to be more careful, and not let things 'just slip out.' You on the other hand have to just put it behind you: Past is past, and as time goes on it will be easier.
2007-09-11 02:56:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
she probably still has some self-esteem issues...sometimes promiscuity is a way to get affection which may have been lacking in their upbringing... it usually stems from emotional pain, rejection or feelings of past abandonment.
when we get into a relationship there are some things which are better left unsaid, as well.... our past sexual history really doesn't have a lot to do with today (at least i dont' think so).
i suppose it's your decision whether to stay with her or not. depends upon whether you can come to terms with everything she's told you.
it really seems to me she is seeking attention for whatever reason, and she might be experiencing a lot of inner pain for whatever reason.
take care.
2007-09-11 02:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You've got a tough decision to make. If you really care about this girl, then you'll be able to work it out. Ask her to not talk about it - the past is just that, past. They were mistakes to learn from, not repeat. She's with you now and needs to act accordingly. If she can't do that or you don't care as much as you thought, move on. She's not worth it.
2007-09-11 02:53:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
can i just say i bedt you did stuff in the past that you regreat i was like that was i was about 19 my mother died and i went off the rails with having one night stands and kissing lads in clubs then i had my daughter and now i dont but lots of things are done for a reason im sure you could talk to her with out sounding mean
2007-09-11 02:58:21 · answer #9 · answered by nicholacti 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You will either have to accept it, or move on. I do hope that once you learned of her past ... you used protection and were both tested prior to not using condoms. It does take years, in some cases for any STD's to show up. This should be your main concern.
2007-09-11 02:57:01 · answer #10 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sound's VERY insecure and like she need's to be the center of attention and will say and or do anything to be just that.Probably negative attention will do if she can't find any other way. Its kinda scary for you, huh? I hope she practiced safe sex!
Alsi Im not a professional but this is a sign of bipolar disorder, maybe if yyou think you really love her get her to go see a doctor ?
2007-09-11 02:55:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋