I have very low self esteem and I want to find confidence can anyone help me?

Answer 1

Self-esteem is an opinion not a fact

The way we view and feel about ourselves has a profound effect on how we live our lives. These opinions are shaped by experiences in the family, at school, from friendships and in wider society. Self-esteem involves our ability to think, to deal with life and to be happy.

The background
From infancy we look for encouragement and approval. Yet our culture does not readily give this. Parents can be tough taskmasters in seeking the best for their children, as many of you may know. Young people have a tendency to be intolerant of difference and often mock their peers who are clever or hard working. The educational system with its emphasis on league tables implicitly demands more and more and leaves less scope for valuing improvement. There is a constant bombardment of messages telling us we should be young, slim, beautiful, fashionably dressed, have a lover and money to spend. Personal acknowledgment of ability and pride in oneself can be regarded as being arrogant, boastful, or conceited.

Rejection or loss at any age is likely to undermine self-esteem. Events like parents separating, a boy or girlfriend being unfaithful, being ostracised by friends or picked on by peers, dealing with an unsuccessful application, having an accident, a burglary, or coping with a death are likely to provoke feelings of loss and threat. For some this is temporary, while for others the effects are long-lasting.

Conversely, success is a great ego booster, and academic achievement can be an obvious signal of success. However, the wealth of talent and competitive environment of Cambridge can easily lead to self-doubt and insecurity. There is a lot of pressure on students to do well for the sake of family, College, and the University. You may even feel that other people over-estimate your ability and this burden of expectation can lead to a sense of failure and impossibility.

However, what we feel about ourselves is not based solely on what we do. It usually involves our relationships with others and whether we feel worthwhile as people. We hae a basic human need to be wanted, noticed, and included. We want to contribute, to be of value, and make a difference - in other words to matter.

Our self-esteem will continually fluctuate and is affected by events and encounters with other people. We are also constantly judging and evaluating ourselves, often in comparison with others. Observing ourselves in relation to other people can be a helpful source of learning and feedback. Yet all too often comparison slips into competition and others become a yardstick by which we evaluate ourselves as good or bad, competent or inadequate.

The reality is we are all different. Each of us has strengths and limitations which we need to learn about and learn to live with. There are aspects of our behaviour and appearance we may seek to change or develop, but a sense of self is also based on self-awareness and self-acceptance.
Suggestions for increasing self-esteem

Change is not easy. It means stepping into the unknown and taking a risk. Inevitably this means that some initiatives will work well while others don't work out as you hoped. You can help yourself by being realistic in your choices and seeing each success as a step in the right direction.

Remember that small changes add up. Call on other people to help you by being encouraging, taking an interest, giving feedback, and making suggestions.

Do things for pleasure, for fun
* Think about ways you enjoy yourself. Put effort into making life pleasurable and satisfying. Arrange to be in situations which are playful and make you laugh.
* Learn something new. Maybe something you have always wanted to try, even something you never thought you could do. If you are stuck for ideas look on notice boards and in local publications, observe or ask other people, think about what you have enjoyed in the past.

Look after yourself physically
* Eating regularly, thinking about the sort of food you eat, and making sure you try to get the amount of sleep you need.
* Exercise and toning muscles can give confidence and help you to feel good about your body. Pay attention to how you stand and walk. Think tall.
* Pay more attention to your appearance. Pamper yourself. Choose a new hairstyle or colour in clothing. Buy a magazine which gives advice on personal presentation.

Use rewards, but avoid punishments
* Reward yourself in other ways. What about giving yourself one day off from work a week? Buy yourself a little treat. Do something you particularly enjoy but don't often get round to.
* We do not like other people saying nasty things about us so why say them to yourself? Listen to how you treat yourself - the internal conversation. Low self-esteem makes it difficult to identify strong points but it does not mean you do not have them - only that they are unfamiliar to you.
* Avoid as much as possible situations and people that leave you feeling bad about yourself and spend more time concentrating on experiences which are likely to be successful and rewarding.

Cultivate good relationships - with yourself and others
* Can you bear to be ordinary? Are you continually expecting more of yourself than you do of others? If you accept the troubles, mistakes and variability of other people, how about being happy with "good enough" in relation to yourself?
* Involve others. Ask for support, feed-back, affection. Be prepared to say you don't know. Talk about yourself. Do not pretend or hide. Take care not to push other people away through being negative about yourself.
* Join in with others. Do not assume you are not important; other people have an effect on you and you affect them. Most people are interested in making new friends, and friendships can begin at any time in life. Say hello; do not wait for other people to come to you. Smile. Be nice to others, volunteer, be helpful, pay compliments.

Take responsibility
* It is no good waiting for others or circumstances to leave us feeling better about ourselves. So accept responsibility for your own actions: as we cannot make other people change, we need to make the changes ourselves.

If you get stuck or find it impossible to know where to start with these suggestions, maybe you can talk it through with a friend or family member, or someone else you trust.

Good luck!

Answer 2

There are alot of people who have low self esteem, so you need to know that first, and not feel bad for asking for advice. Some people on here just want to make you feel worse to make themselves feel better, if you see an answer is negative, don't even finish reading it and go on to the next one. Some people are just mean.
It could be something medical, or it could just be you need to change some habits in your life that are more positive. Such as, getting some self esteem improvement books and doing the suggested excercises. I don't recommend going straight to a doctor as the average doctor visit, the actual time you see the doctor, is only nine minutes. How can someone diagnose you with depression and put you on a antidepressant in that short amount of time? So, start with the self help books. Start an excercise program. Change your diet, such as your intake of water, fruits, and vegetables as apposed to fatty foods, that have no nutrients to give your body the energy that it needs. Start keeping a journal, write down the things that you have done everyday such as diet wise, and this way you can go back and look at what you did on days you were more confident. Get online and get some positive quotes, ones that help with self esteem and knowing who you are. Tape them places you can see and read them over and over. You can convince yourself to feel better about yourself, just by repetition. I hope this helps and you start feeling better soon. Every person is a special person. Every person has a quality that is good and every person has something to offer. It's just something that you have to convince yourself of. Don't dwell on the fact yourself esteem is low, every time you start feeling low, go for a brisk walk and say to yourself, " NO, I will not feel down about myself today." You will be surprised how your attitude will change and how your self esteem will grow.
Good luck.

Answer 3

what caused your low self esteem is the first thing you need to ask yourself. If it was some kind of abuse or trauma in your life, you should find someone to talk to.
Confidence is what you make it. Look in that mirror and know that YOU ARE SOMEONE! You don't have to be like everyone else so DON'T make that or them your goal. BE YOU! Accept your quirks and idiosyncrasies and make them something that defines you! Set a goal about what you think might help you step into confidence and go for it. Be strong in loving who you are and look at others that inspire you in a good way and watch how they interact with others.
Your confidence will grow each time you step outside of your box.
Hope this helped and made sense...Good luck!

Answer 4

Look yourself in the mirror everyday and tell your self you are worthy. Stay away from people especially family that is highly critical of the way you approach life and its problems. There are self esteem books out that can help wilth this problem. Know that you are worth something in this life. That everyone has a special gift to give. Family can be very critical, make
decision that are based on your needs and not theirs. Know that you are a special and a worthy person.

Answer 5

This may sound counter-intuitive, but realize that most people are completely indifferent about you. As such, if they are indifferent about you, why then would you worry about what they 'might' be thinking about you when they are likely not thinking anything about you--good or bad.

Part of not having self-confidence stems form a misguided form of egoism, thinking that you are somehow the center of other people's thoughts. You are not. And that is fine. It is normal. It is great, even.

Live your life as you see fit and do not worry so much about what others think. If you do, then you will find people generally with think positive of you. Relax about life. Do not take it so seriously so as to take all the pleasure out of it.

As for worrying about failure (if even you do), then realize most everyone that has met any bit of success has certainly met their share of failure. If you try and fail, try harder. Fail bolder. It is your life, take charge of it.

Watch the film Harold & Maude. It will lift your spirits and help give you some needed confidence.

Answer 6

I suffered severe low self esteem also. I was able to gain some confidence with time, therapy, and understanding why my self esteem was so low.

Good luck and take care of you!
Dee

Answer 7

First step is not to ask questions about self-esteem on YahooAnswers, people have a habit of putting people down just for fun.
Next, do some research on self esteem, and check into places in your area that can help.

Answer 8

Learn public speaking, which is great for boosting self esteem. The place to do that is at Toastmasters. It's the best self-improvement club you can join. I've been with them for over a year, and I loved every minute of it.

Answer 9

yes there is people that can help u friends, professional, and many others but if u don't want to get help from them u i will tell u somethings u can do to get high self esteem for experiences don't get hopes to high so that can't bring u down by not hitting u hopes, don't but urself down, think positive of urself, help others it will make u have better self esteem by know u help somebody besides urself it will make u feel like u accomplish something important. if u need someone i am here just email me.

Answer 10

I can relate to you as I have lived with feelings of low self-esteem in the past. The good news is that you can get past these negative feelings. Click my webpage below and learn how to strenghten you overall emotional well-being. Here's where you can start. Best of luck to you.

Answer 11

I'm the same way. I have learned that self-help books help a lot. As long as you actually do the things they suggest. They teach you different ways to look at yourself and life and see the positive in everything and how to love yourself. Dr. Phil has a lot of great books for things like that.