How do I get over the biggest breakup of my life? Please Help!?

Question

Over the past year I became best friends with someone who I felt understood everything about me. We grew very close, and somehow we ended up in a loving relationship -- this was very gradual and step by step and definitely didn't happen overnight. We spent every second together, and the past summer, we went on vacation together. It was amazing, and during the vacation we told eachother we'd love eachother forever and never break up. It was then that I devoted myself to our relationship, and when we returned home we didn't see eachother for a while. When we next saw eachother, he told me that he'd like to "take a break" and just be friends for a while, as he has a lot on his mind. I broke down, and told him this was when I needed him MOST, and disappear now was what i needed least. The next day, he called me and said he'd do everything to love me again, coz when he saw me in pain he couldn't take it. I was happy, but then suddenly on the third day of school, he called me and said that

he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore, and that he can't keep lying to himself and telling me that he loves me when he doesn't. He said his feelings have changed, and they changed practically overnight. After this, I felt like ****. I couldn't seem to eat, sleep, or even get out of bed in the morning. Everything in my house reminds me of him since we have a million memories together, and thinking that they're over hurts infinitely. About a week ago, we spent the night together, and I told him to kiss me. He told me it wouldn't help me get over him, but he did. This led on, and we ended up going all the way... and he told me that he only had neutral feelings during, even though while we were doing it I felt like we were back to normal. Being with him, and being close made me feel better... But this feeling quickly went away. He shows NO affection for me anymore, and I keep wishing he'll fall back in love with me. I don't know what to do anymore. WHAT DO I DO? PLEASE HELP!

Answer 1

Listen to what Rogue said a few comments up from me. Me and my b/f of three years recently broke up cus he wanted 'time' alone. Well, at first I was desperate and I got him back, but just cus he felt bad that I was in such a horrible state, then he let me go again, and this time, I stopped the crying, the begging, the pleading, I just told him the ball was in his court and to go out and have fun, but he'll eventually realize that I truly love him and I understand we need time apart.
Guess what? He text me that night saying 'I love you'. A week later, we got back together, and it was HIS decison, and that made is so much better because then I knew he wanted me too. Listen to that advice...just back off and don't act desperate, it will drive the guy away even more. There's a saying that goes, "if you love him, set him free, if he comes back, then its meant to be". If he doesn't...then what can you do? You deserve someone who loves you.

Answer 2

First thing...DON'T go along wit the booty call. That will make him respect you less and make you hold on. If I can get over my divorce of 6 months (before he cheated), you can get over this. He was my love of my life. I cried all day, every day. I would never find another to love that much, I wanted to literally die, I couldn't imagine my life without him, I couldn't eat, sleep, think.....I wanted to just sit and vegetate. I lost weight and my life was over. I even went on medication. I was a total train wreck. The answer....time. You don't have to stop loving this man. You can love him for the rest of your life. That isn't what you need to get over. The only way I knew I was getting better was that I cried 24/7 one day, 24/6-1/2 the next and so on. Time is amazing. It really does heal all wounds. It has been a few years and I cannot believe that I allowed someone to make me feel that way. I allowed it. I was responsible for the way I was feeling. I grabbed my life back and put everything that reminded him of me (yes, even the picture under my pillow) in a box and put it on a shelf, where it belonged. You will be amazed how much stronger just that simple thing can make you feel. Little by little you will become stronger and stronger. It hurts. It rips your heart out. But you will come back wiser. Maybe a little untrusting, but you will meet the right one. Everything happens for a reason. This means either you were separated until one of you are ready or that the right one hasn't been introduced to you yet. I painted my entire house on the inside, I met with a lot of friends and I kept myself very busy, even though I had to put one foot in front of the other. You can't start living again until you start living. Leave him alone. Completely. Don't push him away by showing how wonderful you are or "needing" him. You two will eventually talk again and become friends. Who knows what will happen then? You have your entire life to win him back.....WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT. I wish I could take your hurt away. Good luck and God Bless you

Answer 3

I feel for you I really do as I have been there before and just last night split with my boyfriend but as it was more a short-term thing it's not so bad. I know at the moment it feels like you will never find anyone again and the pain will be unbearable but seriously the best thing you can do is take each day as it comes and don't think about the future too much. Take some time out for yourself, see your friends, do something that you've always wanted to do but never done & immerse yourself in your studies or work. As for having all the memories around you if there is anything lying around such as cd's, dvd's it's probably a good idea to put them away for the time being until you can be around them again. I really hope you start feeling better in yourself soon.

Answer 4

Break ups are never easy, i have just had one myself with a woman who i will love forever, she has gone back to her ex who is the father of her children, not because she loves him, she loves me, but because her children want them back together, and this is the second time she has done this to me.

The point is this, when a relationship breaks down there is not always a good reason, and sometimes its for the best. the fact that you say you are in school probably means that you are quite young, compared to me at 31 anyway.

I have been married for a long time and i never thought i would get past that when it broke down, but i did, and now i know that i'll get past my breakup with my new lady.

You have much to learn about love and life at your age, and i don't mean to sound patronising when i say that. don't let the person mess you around, find someone who deserves you, or stay single for a while, it can make you stronger.

don't look back with regret, just remember the good times you had and then look forward to a new relationship, and learn from the things that have happened.

I know its not that easy in reality, hey i've been sat here crying every day since she left, but slowly time will sort things out, and it will for you as well.

Take care and good luck in the future, find someone who deserves you

Answer 5

I feel for you and, I know, you are in great pain---I've been there too. You will have to let him go--be good to yourself and try to replace his memory with other positive things--get out , even if it hurts. He is going in a different direction, and I bet he met someone else--it hurts now, but time is a great healer--go ahead, shed some tears, and then turn the corner--cut off all contact, dont let him keep coming back and playing games. I guarantee you, you will hear from him again, when the other does not turn out quite like he expected.

Dont answer---this will go nowhere, only keep opening wounds and running away a bf that might be good for you. Mark this up to experience, grow and remember what when wrong (for a while)...use it to improve your next relationship.

Answer 6

This may seem like the biggest love and the hardest break up of you your life, they almost all do. Just relize he is not intrested anymore. YOu deserve better, Take a full on break from him to heal, cry and get him out of your system. Then if you can see him as a friend start hanging back out but date other people. Besides it sounds like hes kinda mean when he wants it its fine, when hes over it you should be too, someone who is so this is how it is and your feelings dont truly matter dose not deserve your tears.

Answer 7

First of all, he used you. He felt lust, not love. Then her figured out that this was all it was. He probably lied to himself and then guilt set it.

You will have a life even if he disappears. I know it seems like he is going to be the love of your life forever, but honest, the odds are he is just your first. Been there, done that and felt the pain. The best way to get over it? Date and stop having sex. The next time you could end up pregnant with another guy who fooled you.

Answer 8

Time is the ONLY thing you need.

I still feel bitter about breakups that happened decades ago, but am so much happier right now.

Time lets you put things into context...makes you see that your standards weren't really so high with that last person, and that you can find a much better relationship. But...that takes.....TIME.

There is no other solution...just slowly involve yourself in other activities with friends...it'll take your mind off the breakup, but don't get so busy that you don't have time to process the loss.

Grieve. You have lost someone. But you will be happy again.

Answer 9

Hey girl, sorry to hear wat youre going through. Its tough i know, i have been there but we broke up for differnt reasons. Looks to me like your guy is seeing someone else or he has lost interest in you. Maybe he does need a break...guys do begin to behave strangely sometimes. If he does love you then he would want to be with you..but as u said his feelings changed. All i can say is take each day as it comes and through time you will get over him. Dont call him or pester him to be back in ur life cos all youre doing is makin the situation worse. He wants to be left alone...so let him be. Sometimes in life we have to go through **** to become stronger, better people. Dont be afraid to cry cos thats only normal. Take up a new hobbie, keep yourself distracted..and keep yourself away from him. Being at home and sulking wont do u or ur body any good. I know youll be just fine.

Answer 10

You have to cut Ur self off from him. This means no phone calls no sex of course. Ur thinking that he is going to change his mind. U cant. This situation will only make u stronger. Right now u are feeling very hurt and mislead which i can understand and relate. Time will past and this will all fade. Call a friend and vent and enjoy life. Its better he told u know then to prolong it any further.