I need help with family?

Question

okay here it is:
My birth dad does not know how to be a father, he is very nice to me but i only see him twice every year and when he is absent from important events he sends me a card and fifty bucks telling me he is sorry, another thing he just doesn't get it once i was over in houston (i live in austin) and the one and only night I got to be with him only (hadn't seen him in 6 months) he blew me off told Vikki(literally evil step mother) to go and take me to the movies while he went to a bar!! Now turn to Vikki once when i was ten it was Bryans (my birthdad) b-day and i had spent like two hours on making him a b-day card and she asks me what i got him i showed her the card and then she goes "well let's go buy him something" and I said no i like the card than she takes it rips it and says "lets go buy him something" !!!! and the other part of that family always gos everywhere and than when i am there is like oh yay you weren't with us but you had better hings to do, whos wrong here?

Answer 1

You're not wrong in any way!!!!

You should talk to your dad about your relationship w/him, his wife, & family & make him understand that you're angry w/it. If he doesn't see your fraustration, then you might want to seek counseling & also add that you 2 don't get to see each other very often & would like it if you guys actually spent time w/each other then for him to just blow you off when you come around. Sounds to me that your father has a drinking problem & needs help w/that ASAP, be/c that doesn't just cause problems for himself, but everyone around him too.

Now onto Vikki, I don't care if she's your stepmother. She has no right to treat you w/disrespect...even when you were10yrs old, what she should have done was offer you to add a gift, NOT demand it. She should have known that a 10yr old dont' have the $$ to buy things, but can make things. I think that making a card/gift is 10 times better than buying, be/c shows that a person put a lot of effort into something for someone.

You need to tell him how you feel & maybe that will be a wake-up call for him & start acting like a father, be/c I know that u feel like it's your fault, but it's not. You haven't had a father figure around & you would like too, but let him know that or he won't see what you see!!!

Another thing, I believe that you will look through a lot of men that walk into your life & to make sure that your kids don't go through, what you did...

Answer 2

You haven't said how old you are, but I am assuming that you are the age where you are starting to do things on your own...without your family. That is natural.

If you don't spend more than a few days a year with your stepmom, it will be hard to understand her ways of communicating. She may not have meant anything really bad by what she said about buying a gift.

It sounds like your dad is an alcoholic, am I right? Alcoholism will ruin a family. You are lucky you don't live with him. It would ruin you too. His addiction might be hurting his new wife, and this makes her seem very negative when she is with you.

If you do know that he has a drinking problem, I would ask your mom to get you into some individual counseling sessions.

It sounds like your birthdad's family is really dysfunctional. I am sorry that you haven't had a good father figure. It is very important to have this, and you are at an age where it will influence how you see men in general.

You need a professional counselor (or psychologist) to help you see that adults don't think your dad is acting normally, and they will help you cope with the problems, and be a success in your life and in your love relationships with friends (and boyfriends).

Best of luck to you....get counseling right now.

Answer 3

Your father and step mother are vere self-involved, hon, and it's NOT YOUR FAULT!

I am sure you are in some measure of emotional pain, and i don't really blame you.

Your father likely does not "know how" to relate to you and has no clue how to be a "father"... so i wouldn't expect much more from him.

And if he spends a lot of time in bars, well, that could be the problem unto itself... if he drinks a lot, the alcohol is probably his number one friend... and you don't need someone like that in your life.

Your stepmother is certainly odd, and it was cruel to rip the birthday card. She is another one who is self-involved... and has no idea what sort of care and time you put into that card.

I think that sometimes we have to accept situations for what they are -- and REMEMBER that it's not our fault others behave with a lack of compassion or care for us. YOU seem like a loving person... I am sure there are other people in your life you can depend on, and who love you back and show it.

If you can try to accept you father at face value, don't depend on him changing (because he won't) and lean on the people who DO SHOW YOU love and affection, you will be better off.

I sure wish i could change things for you, too...

I hope this helps a little and that you get good answers here. Maybe you could also consider talking to your school counselor or another adult you trust and respect about this situation? sometimes it helps if we have someone out there who will just listen!

hugs to you.

Answer 4

they are no tgood prople, unfortunatly in life we dont get to choose our parents or siblings. begin and lead a good life show others thru example. do this and you will be happy.

Answer 5

the family is wrong to treat you this way and your step mother is very jealous of you.

Answer 6

your dad is wrong & your evil step-mom lol
serious your dad need to spend more time with you

Answer 7

look madi...nobody's wrong here. life is just unfair:)