he wants his son to be bestman in wedding, but son has be so rude and mean to me i have forgave him for alot but evertime i do he does something else. found out he has taken money out of my house now i dont want any thing to do with son please help
2007-09-11 01:27:28 · 15 answers · asked by kay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
son is 20 and soon to be husband know what son does and sayes we have to have him in wedding for how it will look to his family if we dont. have tryed talking to son for 2 years just dont work
2007-09-11 01:47:22 · update #1
Blood runs thicker than water. If you don't want the son, you might as well give up the dad.. You will get hurt.
2007-09-11 01:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by AdultMale 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Have you discussed the sons behavior with your soon to be husband? Does he shrug it off or does he say something to his son about it? You know, he may be going through a rebellion thing and also he may be upset that his father is remarrying.
Why don't you take the son out to lunch and then to the arcade afterwards Have a talk with him. Involve him in the wedding plans. Try to stop seeing him as an enemy and see him as a kid thats going through some emotional issues. He's angry.
Chances are he already has a Mom, try being his friend. Maybe it won't work, but you could try. Its up to your fiance who he makes his best man. Don't try to come between them whatever you do.
2007-09-11 08:38:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your fiance you don't want him in the wedding and why. If your man has an issue, tell him you'd rather wait to get married because when you marry this man, you are going to have to deal with his son. You need to rethink all of this and make sure it's what you're ready to do.
Then, again, this is his son too and despite him being mean and rude to you, that is still his dad you are going to be marrying and it's important for your fiance' I'm sure. You all need to sit down and have a discussion.
Maybe for the wedding you willl hav eto let it go. Even though you don't wwant to. Be the bigger person for the greater good. It wil prove just how much your love your fiance.
2007-09-11 08:36:27 · answer #3 · answered by Buttafli 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i know exactly what u're going through. if you think it's hard now... it will be 100 times harder after u get married. right now, things aren't nearly as bad as it can get.
we were in pre-maritial counseling and now post-marital counseling. i highly recommend it.
i just watched "the secret" with my husband and we are both deciding to change the way we think. i told my husband that i didn't want to hear anything but good things about his children and family. it was too upsetting to me, and it's his stuff to deal with. i also asked that he consider himself the "goodwill ambasadar". his only job is to relay positive comments i've made about his children and family and vice versa. i am stepping back and letting him rebuild his relationship with his kids.
about the money.... it's not about the child/teen... whatever. he's a reflection of the father. that's who you need to be mad at, if you choose to. i know i would really be pissed and hurt, because i've been through sooooo much.
i hate to say it, but i got told the same thing.... u have to rise above the child and be the better person. life is not fair. right now u have to give more and more and u may feel like u just keep getting kicked.
let the child be in the wedding. if he misbehaves, just keep smiling. everyone will be ready to jump on you if you do anything but be "perfect". if the kid does something mean and u don't respond, all eyes will remain on him and u will be the saint. if u do anything less, they won't remember what he did, u will merely confirm what they already thought.
i have made ALL the mistakes, i'm just sharing what i am now learning and having to change. i can't change his family or kids, but i can change how i respond, which gives me power.
i know u're thinking... "BUT HE TOOK MONEY!!!" that's ur husband's responsibilty. if he hasn't handled it, just know that's the way it's going to be. he ALLOWED his child to STEAL. can u live with that?
i wish u the very best. i know u've been trying and doing all the right things and u keep feeling like u keep getting kicked down. that's just the way it is. FOR NOW. it can and will change. believe it. give it TIME.
2007-09-11 08:48:35 · answer #4 · answered by (!)listen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was your son instead of his (w/ the same behavior) would you still love him unconditionally? Would you still want to keep him as an important part of your life and include him in your big day? Think of this as an opportunity to include him and get closer to him. He may be dealing with a lot of emotions surrounding you and this wedding. Give the kid a break. He will be standing on his dad's side where he belongs. You will both regret it one day if you don't include him and both father and son will resent you for it.
2007-09-11 09:56:33 · answer #5 · answered by az 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does your fiancee know about how his son is treating you. I would try to have a heart to heart talk with him and then he should have a talk with his son. I don't blame you for not wanting him to be bestman but I don't know if fiancee will agree. How are you going to work things out once you are married. Think about that
2007-09-11 08:40:46 · answer #6 · answered by adrianne 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to discuss this with your soon to be husband before you go getting married; trying to seperate him from his son, regardless of the sons attitude will only end up badly. You need to either try to mend your relationship with the son, or else this will be a long term problem coming between you and your husband.
2007-09-11 08:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You did not mention how old the son is...have you talked to your fiance about his son's behavior? Have you told him how you feel? When you marry him, you are marrying a package deal... when you get your husband you get his son too....and you will need to spend a LOT of time with him. Work things out now before you say "I do"...because if this isn't worked out, you will end up saying "I won't" eventually.
2007-09-11 08:37:54 · answer #8 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would talk with your soon to be hubby and discuss these issues now. If you can't move past them now then problems will only get worse.
Remember too that your fiance has chosen his son as HIS best-man. That decision is his. But I do understand your feelings.
Best of luck and Blessings all around.
2007-09-11 08:37:19 · answer #9 · answered by okiemom67 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its very nice that your future husband wants his son to be his best man, but maybe you need to sit down with him, and discuss everything that is going on, and what his son is doing. I won't say kick him out of the whole wedding party, because its his kid, but maybe he needs to sit down and discuss with his son, what actions he is taking that is making it difficult for the future family! But, Remember you have to have something to do with his kid, remember you are marring him, and his last family which includes a kid, that might of stole and you'll have to take time to regained trust, but he will always be there.
2007-09-11 08:37:23 · answer #10 · answered by Tommy's_Sweet_Girl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋