is there a polite way to ask someone to clean their house?

Question

were a military family stationed in texas. i grew up in oklahoma. were moving to boston at the end of this month. i'm going home this week to spend some time with the family before we leave. there is one thing that really bothers me though. i'm not in any way perfect, but i uphold a certain standard for my guests. my home is always clean, theres always something in the oven, clean towels and individual soaps, shampoos, etc...for my guests. there is no nice way to put this, but.. my moms house is filthy. i mean really really dirty. i dont expect her to lay mints on my pillow or anything. it bothers so much to the point that i have turned down an overnight stay or two with her. i dont have the heart to tell her, but i have two toddlers that put everything in their mouth and that are really touchy. i really want to have a comfortable stay at her house when i visit. is there a nice way to ask someone to clean their house?

Answer 1

There is no polite way, stay with other friends or get a hotel.

Answer 2

Unfortunately there isn't, and if you attempt to do so you may deeply offend your mum. Also, without saying right or wrong, standards of hygiene are different now to what they were even a generation ago.

These days we have anti-bacteria wipes, etc, which would not even have been thought of 20 years ago.

Also, back then kids were really expected to get dirty, play in mud, etc, whereas today there is a different standard.

Buy yourself some wipes and keep a close eye on what the kids do ~ also, if you feel like it you could volunteer to help your mum 'dust' and make one room really clean to your own standard then try and keep the kids in that room most of the time.

Beyond this there is not much you can do politely. People's homes are their own to live in as they choose, it's entirely a matter of personal choice.

But, you can take comfort in the fact that you grew up in your mum's house and you have turned out fine.

Good luck and best wishes :-)

Answer 3

No, unfortunately, there is no "nice" or polite way to tell your Mom to clean up. Since you feel the welfare of your children is at stake, you really have no choice but to stay elsewhere.

Asking your mother to clean the house, would probably do no good and be more insulting than just staying in a motel. I normally am against lying, but in this case, make up some allergy or something that precludes you from staying at her home.

Answer 4

I had a similiar experience. When my son was 7 months old, I visited my Grandma at the farm.
It was so disgustingly dirty. I spent 4 hours cleaning the living room, just so I could sleep on the couch with my son in the playpen. I took down the curtains even, and washed them. When G'Ma got home from work, she was astounded that I'd done the curtains. She said, " I haven't washed those curtains in 30 years, I'm surprised they didn't fall apart!"
I recently went to visit my 2 Aunts who grew up on that farm and their house isn't any better.
It's pretty amazing to me what some folks treat as normal.

Answer 5

Sorry, but there is no way. The person will take offense. As a house cleaner, I have had clients who thought they would hire me to clean their house before the wives come home from a vacation, and it blows up in their face... the wife considers it an insult... "WHAT? Do you think I can't clean my own house?" and so on. Even paying for a house cleaner for the lady won't help.

The best thing to do is find other accomodations for yourself during your stay. I know it will cost money, but it will keep peace and your sanity.

Have a polite day!

Answer 6

They should of helped! I feel like you do and I get mad too when I have a party and they all sit around talking while I start the clean up. Then I get very upset and think how rude they are. I think it is the way we were brought up, to help everyone when there was a task to do and to at least help as much as possible when your invited to some ones home. So I am definitly on your side

Answer 7

Your standards are just that--YOURS. Feel free to maintain those standards in your own home, but you can't impose them on other people!

Knowing what you know about your mom's place, maybe you should start planning hotel expenses into your family vacation budget instead of trying to make your mom clean so you can feel comfortable.

My grandmother's house is filthy--roaches and stuff everywhere. I make SURE that I don't spend the night there when I visit, but I certainly don't ask her to fix the place up!

Answer 8

The ONLY nice way to handle that is to hire a maid service to go in BEFORE you arrive. Tell your mom it is a gesture of appreciation just bc she is your mom, for letting your family stay there or whatever works. Also bring a nice gift like flowers. You sound like a great hostess, just bring the skills with you. :)

Answer 9

There never is a nice way. The best way around it is to bring along a clean set of bedlinens, etc that you need, use them and take them back with you to clean and to use again for your next visit. As for the floors you will have to do the cleaning yourself instead of asking your mom who is not inclined to do it.

Answer 10

Ask her if she needs help to clean, and if she simply still won't do it, stay in a hotel. This is your kids' safety at sake, so if she needs an explanation, tell her you're staying in a hotel so that there's less stuff for your kiddies to get into. If that doesn't open her eyes, then it's her loss.

Answer 11

I agree. If the place you were going to stay is not suitable for you, get a place that you find more comfortable.

On a related note, it seems like your mom might need your help. I'm wondering if your mom has some mental illness or some other struggle in her life that's sapping her energy from keeping house. Perhaps you could help her get her life in order.