p.s. I am 25 years old and she tells me what to do on a daily basis. Any advice would be appreciated.
2007-09-10 17:14:58 · 16 answers · asked by pghbstngirl25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I agree completely with previous answers advice to move out if you are still living with your mother. If you aren't, you can only ignore her advice, however well meant it may be.
But you won't be able to do that with any confidence, calmly, retaining a sense of humour and affection for your mom, unless you have emotional independence, and one of the reasons why your mother's attempts to control you bother you so much is that emotionally, you allow her opinion too much weight. You take her advice and comments too seriously!This suggests to me that you haven't attained the independence of emotion that you need to be a fully mature adult.
And there are many people like you - it's hard to cut the umbilical cord emotionally. I didn't do it with my mother until I was in my mid-30's, with three children of my own. But once I finally realised that I was giving her the power she had over me by taking her seriously, considering her likely reaction and trying to avoid her disapproval, I stopped bothering about her moods, her sulks, her disapproval.
And you know what? She stopped being moody, sulky and disapproving! When they no longer influenced me, she realised there was no point in her continuing to use them as emotional blackmail because that just didn't work any more.
I'm sure your mom means well, she just can't see that at 25, you really are an independent adult, and so continues to treat you as though you were 15. When you've cut that emotional tie, so that she doesn't dictate your response and make you feel guilty, angry, frustrated any more, my guess is that she'll stop trying to direct your life.
You can then live your own life in your way, and your mother won't be advising you at every step, or laying down rules for you to follow - she'll have given it up!
But even if she continues, it won't bother you any more, will it?
wimsey
2007-09-10 22:15:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living at home, then move out. You can't be a grown up if you don't live like one. If you are living on your own, stop being so accessible. Don't answer the phone, or if you do say "sorry mom, I'll have to call you back. love you, bye." Then hang up. Don't ask for permission to hang up, just do it and then don't call back until the next day.
You can't be controlled by anyone else unless you let them.
2007-09-10 17:32:08 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried communicating with her? If you have told her the way she makes you feel... and she still doesn't get it she is going to lose a daughter completely. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. DO you live with her? or do you live on your own. If your in independent women than she doesn't have a reason to act the way she is acting. But, if you aren't you are giving her the right to treat you like a child if you aren't taking reasponsability for your self! Communications is the key word. :) Good Luck!
2007-09-10 17:25:11 · answer #3 · answered by pinkbubbles282004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i can tell you that you need to move as far as you can from her plus you're 25 what kind of mother tells her 25 year old what to do?
2007-09-10 17:23:25 · answer #4 · answered by I'm Allergic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living with her you must get your own place and if not she can only control you unless you let her. Of course out of respect we listen to our parents but once we become adults we have the right to make our own decisions. No parent should be controlling their kids at 25 unless you put yourself in the situation. You can stand up for yourself in a respectful way...you are not a child anymore....don't allow yourself to be...she'll always be your mother but as you become an adult your relationship changes....it's up to you
2007-09-10 17:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by Moza 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, limit the time you spend with her if possible. Don't tell her everything you know. Do you live at home? Gently laugh and tell her you are a responsible person and can handle this and that.
Tell her she did a great job getting you ready to be on your own, and now you'd like to try it!
2007-09-10 17:20:30 · answer #6 · answered by red 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to be able to change her, so, you need to learn to deal with her. Hopefully you are NOT living with her because that will make things much harder. Let her talk...you are 25 years old and you don't have to take the advise. I know how hard it it because she is your mom but...you have to have your own life. Since you can't change her, you have to change how you react to her to survive
2007-09-10 17:25:11 · answer #7 · answered by missyj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still live at home? As long as you are living at home she is going to be that way. She is trying ti keep you from making mistakes. Tell her that you appreciate the love, but you have to do it on your own. Even if it means that you do make mistakes.
2007-09-10 17:32:23 · answer #8 · answered by specialsuber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you ask your mom for advice constantly, you let her be in charge. Try to make your own decisions and be more independent. Don't tell her everything you do!
2007-09-11 09:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by * 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living in her house, then you should follow her rules. Before you dismiss what she has to say, consider the fact that she might be right. You can still have your own opinion and live your own life (as long as you don't violate her house rules).
2007-09-10 17:22:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋