Did I let him off too easily?

Question

Yesterday my boyfriend and I were going to go out to lunch for his birthday. He came 2 hours later than I expected and when I asked for the reason he said he was soaking in the tub. I told him it was unacceptable to come so late and even though it was his birthday I wasn't going to go out with him because he kept me waiting and it wasn't the first time either. He apologized saying that I was the only person he wanted to see and now he had screwed it up. I talked with him about why I was angry and said because it was his birthday I would forgive him.
It was a tough call for me to make because on one hand I felt he disrespected my time and feelings. However I did not want his birthday to be ruined and his apology seemed genuine to me. I hope I made the right choice. I don't want this to become a habit in our relationship. What do you think I should have done?

Answer 1

Come on and bash me but you gotta give the guy a break. It was his birthday. He wanted to soak in the tub. He was late. He should have called. But I really think that you set the standards by the talk you had with him. I agree that respect is always important and is hard to get back once you lose it. I think you did exactly as you should have. He apologized, you have him a good talking to and set some standards and you both probably had a great time!!!! If he does it again - leave!!! Let him chase you or ditch him for good if that is what you choose to do. You're a smart cookie who took the time to think this out before you reacted. Power Woman. Good Luck with the relationship.

Answer 2

Soaking in the tub? I think it's alot of bull. He could be soaking in it with someone else.
2 hours is really too long to wait for anyone even if it's for his birthday lunch. If I were you, I would tell him I won't be having lunch with him because I do not like to be kept waiting. People who keep others waiting do not know how to respect others.
BTW the longest you should wait for anyone for a rendezvous is 10 minutes. After that, phone them to find out what's happening. If they are caught in a traffic jam or some valid reasons, decide if you still want to wait. If it means waiting for another few minutes it's fine, but if it is more than 30 minutes, you should cancel the meeting.

Answer 3

Maybe this time... but do not let it happen again. Take it from me, if he continues to forget and/or be late... significantly late for no good reason (accident, car trouble, etc) DROP HIM LIKE A LEAD BRICK!!! His behavior shows a lack of respect for you if he continues to be late. I wasted 10 years... yep... 10 YEARS on a jerk who would continually be late for dates and "get togethers." The last straw was when it was my birthday, and we were going to go out. HE NEVER SHOWED UP... PERIOD!! He called me a WEEK later, I asked him if he had "forgotten" something... he asked, "What?"... I said, "MY BIRTHDAY!" Well he muttered some kind of crap that sounded so familiar... the excuses... I said, "Yeah, like I've heard THAT before!" Then he got all upset at me... "whattya mean?" I told him that he continues to be late and forget our plans and he always had some lame excuse. He got really pissed at ME and hung up the phone.

That was it... the last time I was ever in contact with him. But ... believe it or not... like 2 YEARS later, I got a letter from him, real chatty-like, like nothing EVER happened! Needless to say, I tossed the letter and never responded.

I do hope your BF was sincere in his apology, but that will only be proved when he NEVER SHOWS UP LATE AGAIN!!! Actions speak louder than words, and from my example, actions... or lack thereof, spoke volumes about how he did NOT feel about me.

Have a polite day!

Answer 4

how could he do that to u? 2 hours is ridiculous for anyone to wait! well u did the right thing by forgiving him on his birthday but dont ever do yourself wrong by waiting the next time if he turns up more than 15 mins late! soaking in the tub indeed! i'd skin my bf alive if i heard that kind of excuse! ;| hehe

Answer 5

Call me a cynic but, soaking in the tub?? WITH WHO!?!?!?


There is no way on this little green earth that I would have bought that excuse. He can go eat birthday cake in the corner.
No matter what story he tells he disrespected your time. In the day and age of cellphones you can't tell me he couldn't call you.

Answer 6

I might have softened it just a little, [I would, that is usually my way] with , gee, your manners go out the window on your birthday? Why didn't you tell me you wanted to soak. there would have been no problem! Then went on with life.
I think you were right to say something. Elsewise, you become a victim, he will do this from now on, everytime you expect him somewhere at a certain time.

Answer 7

He played you - he knew that you wouldn't stay mad because of his birthday. Birthdays are that important to 9 year olds, but older guys - no. I think it was unacceptable and now that his birthday is over, you need to make it clear to him that if it ever happens again, he is history. He can apologize until he is blue in the face, but you will not tolerate his complete lack of respect again.

Answer 8

You felt that he disrespected your time. You said and did according to your standards of expected treatment. I don't think it will become a habit because it sounds like you are placing restrictions on closeness and that could be a problem in the future.

Answer 9

How old are both of you and how long have you been dating?

"Soaking in the tub" should not be a good excuse, especially for being two hours late.

Does he make it a habit of his to do this?

Answer 10

I think you should have done what you did and then warn him that you will not tollerate it again, then don't.