How would you respond if your father asked you about him dating?

Question

Ok so heres the thing...awhile back my father took me to dinner and asked me how would you feel if I asked a lady out ...which wouldnt be that bad i guess...but my thing is while my mother was alive he treated her like **** ...name calling ...hitting ...i grew up in that..when i was older i fought him back i was a rebel against him...could be labeled as a bad daughter i guess since i threatened to kill him and fought back ..but i was protecting my mother..she fought back and left but then got sick ..came back and shortly later died of other reasons....i was kinda cruel...my father regrets how he treated my mom...i see it hear it in his voice but i feel like its to late...i told him to go out if he wanted to but i dont want to see it or it to be at family functions...ect...i'm not a very violent person..and tend to keep things inside dealing with him..but i dont know if i could take seeing him being nice to someone the way he should have been with my mom..am i wrong...am i being selfish

Answer 1

What went on between your dad and Mom was between them. You should not ever have been envolved in any of it. You were part of them both. It was up to your Mom to stay and put up with him or to leave him. If she stayed then she took her own chances. Now that your mom is gone and I am sure you feel her loss you only have your father. Maybe down deep you don't like him very much I don't know. My parents fought too but I stayed out of it. I fought with my own husband and my daughter stayed out of it. She does tend to hold it against him because he got drug. But she loves him and you should love your dad too.
He came to you because he wanted your approval. He did not want to hurt you and just bring another woman around. I am sure he is a lonely man and he should have the right to have a life with someone and yes I think you are being a little selfish by not telling him that you care about him and his life and what he does in it.
As a mother myself this is what I would tell my daughter.
I do not think your mother would want you to feel this way about your dad. I know I wouldn't. Maybe he was afraid if he ended up with another woman that he would lose you! maybe that is why he ask you for approval. He loves you. Give him a chance and try to forgive him for his past mistakes. I just hope he does not let you down ever again.

Answer 2

dont feel like you are selfish this man who was supposed to love his wife and protect his family from that stuff was the one who was doing it he may feel remorse now over your mother but did he feel it when she was still alive did he ever say sorry and mean it to her face **** but then you never said that you forgave him but if you have them maybe you and her could be friends and if you have truly forgiven him then dont be like him dont hold grudges you dont want your dislike of his traits to consume you or let it overshadow your life like he did your mums let go of the past even though it will be the hardest thing to do remember the good times you had with your mum and although your mum will never be replaced it might be nice having a new friend and only time will tell if he truly has changed and if he hasnt then youll know where you are headed next in your life and what part your father has in that new life i know your looking for an answer but in the end its only upto you

Answer 3

You are not selfish. Most people would have wanted the good things for their mothers. However, marriages can be unhappy for many reasons. Tell your father it's his life and he's an adult, but be honest and tell him how you feel about the way he mistreated you and your mother. Get it off your chest, and it will ease your mind. Sooner or later he had to get on with his life, but since he asked your opinion, give it to him.
I'm very sorry you had such a hard life. God bless you!

Answer 4

That was nice of your dad to ask you as to how you would feel if he should date some lady. I understand why you resent him for mistreating your late mom and I also understand that this is the reason why you cringe on the thought that your dad will be nice to someone else. But your father has the right to remarry and that, you can not deny. So, just wish him luck.

Answer 5

Would you like a second chance in life if you did something very wrong?, well don't you think he deserves a second chance too?. This doesn't mean that what he did was right because it wasn't, but you need to put more faith into life and leave things up to the "fickled finger of fate", because what goes around life comes around. He will get his just deserts and maybe not right this instant, but you just sit back and watch and see.

Answer 6

Life is for the living and your mother is gone. His relationship was his business, not yours and its over and done with.

There is no point to continuing to punish him for something he can't change. However you can get some counseling for your rage so that it doesn't eat you alive.

Let your dad live it life, I don't know why he felt the need to ask your permission. Unless he needs to be forgiven, and that's a whole nuther story.

Answer 7

Yes you are wrong for telling your Dad that you don't want to see him be happy and you are being selfish. I understand your feelings but you need to let go and move on. He is allowed to grow as a person and be happy.

Answer 8

well the thing is.. ur moms already gone.. and i think its about time that ur dad needs to move on with his life... and so do u... he regrets everything thats happend with him and ur mom.. and i think thats already a compliment... although its already too late though.. but the though still counts... so like him live his life.. if he wants to see other women.. let him... how if he so then decides to marry again.. then .. i think u2 have a lot 2 talk about...