Right time to have first baby?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and lived together for a little over 2 years. We ar both 20...close to 21 years old. We both have a job, both of us love kids. He always jokes with me about me being pregnant, like kisses my tummy and rubs it and all that stuff. I joked with him one day saying "and what if I were?" He said "good i hope so" It seems like EVERYONE we know has been having a baby. I have had a lot of exprience with kids, my mom had a home daycare from before I was even born and I have worked in daycare centers and taken child devlopment classes and babysit all the time. I always say "oh I dont want a kid until I have the money for one" but a lot of people say if you wait until you have money for a kid then you will never have one. I want a baby but I know they cost a lot to have...When do you think it is right to have a kid? How old were you when you had your first and how was your life at the time? Share your story and opinion with me! Thank you

Answer 1

I'm 20 years old, my husband is 22, and we have been married for over a year now. We also have a beautiful 3 month old daughter. We didn't and still don't have loads of money, but we are doing just fine. I wouldn't trade her for any amount of money in the world. We wanted to have kids while we are young, and we just starting :). It all depends on what you two think is right. Don't let anyone tell you not to have kids, and don't let anyone tell you to have kids. Having my baby was the best thing that has happened to us! Hope everything works out for you, and good luck!

Answer 2

You have a kid when you are ready. While yes you should be able to care for the child physically and financially many people do wait for "the perfect time" only to find that they are waiting so long they have to get fertility help or they are close to 40 or older before they finally have a baby. You have to try when you feel the time is right. You could be rich today and poor tomorrow, there are no guarantees when it comes to that stuff. I got pregnant the first time when i was 22 and finacially I wasn't in the best position and when i had my second i lost my job but I wouldn't give them back for anything, they are my life.

Answer 3

Well one of you needs to have a stable job, so you have a source of income of your own. And you need to have health insurance, that is very important. Just the health care of pregnancy and babies is a lot. So start with that and go from there. A lot of times if a man has insurance and is not married it will only cover the baby not the pregnancy, another thing to check into. I do not think you should have a baby and just rely on state aid to cover the cost.

I was 25 and was married and we both had full time jobs and insurance.
I do not think you need to be married to have kids, but you do need someone who will stand by you and help raise your child with you.

It is so much work and requires a lot of self sacrifice to raise a family but is also very rewarding and wonderful. Everything about your life changes when you have kids, I thought it was for the better but a lot of people do not realize how much work it actually is. It is not just about taking care of them it is about teaching values and disciplining even when its hard or even when they are mad at you for it.

Answer 4

I was 21, he was 22, we had been married 2 and a half years. We had a house and two cars, and he worked at a decent job, so I felt it was time. We had a beautiful baby daughter which, it turned out, he didn't want (announced that to me while I was in labor) so I divorced him six weeks after she was born. Married again three years later and he adopted my daughter. He had an excellent job and a beautiful home so when we welcomed our son into the world, everything was perfect. (I was 27 then.) We raised our kids in a nice neighborhood, with good schools, and they both did real well. I now have four beautiful grandchildren and couldn't be happier.

Answer 5

Get married first!!!!! Give your children a strong foundation in which to grow up. Show your commitment to one another, your families and your children by getting married first. Your b/f sounds very sweet, but I think he is living in lala land. It's very romantic to think about making a baby together, to have that bundle of joy in your arms and everything takes care of itself. Does he have any idea that babies cry a lot and keep parents up at night and require feedings all through the day and night and diaper changes and they puke a lot and need constant attention and care and doctor bills and hospital bills and furniture and, well you know...wow. Bring him back to reality. Have you 2 ever babysat a baby together? That would be a good reality check for him. You're both still pretty young. I would wait a few years, get married and iron out difficulties in your relationship before getting pregnant.

Answer 6

I was 22 when I had my daughter. It was hard being that we weren't prepared but no matter what things will work itself out with the finances if you have prepared a little bit. We had started to save and budget once we found out I was pregnant. Afterwards we had a lot of help from family and friends and also the baby showers help with most of the stuff we needed. We had like 2 different ones. Work then family/friends. We just started to save and that money went towards diapers/wipes, formula, unexpected things like illness doctor appts. or stuff like that. It is true no one is ever financially ready things just fall into place and work itself out.

Answer 7

Don't have a baby just because everyone else you know is having one. Would you jump off a bridge if everyone else you knew did? I hope not...

Consider more than the financial burden of having a child. You're not even 21 yet. Are you prepared to give up your nights out with friends, your freedom to come and go as you please?

My best friends had a baby when they were your age, and it was the best thing that could have happened to them. But even they will admit that it gets difficult sometimes to make plans with their friends, because they either have to alter them to be family friendly, or find a sitter, etc.

It sounds to me as if you and your boyfriend have your heads in the right place, and that you won't rush into whatever decisions you make. I encourage you, however, to keep in mind that 20 is still very young, regardless of your maturity level.

Good luck, whatever your decision is!

Answer 8

I was 22 when I had my first child, 26 with my second, and 32 with my third. I can honestly say that when i was younger, i didn't have as much fear, but i have so much more patience now that I am 32. Nothing seems to bother me(except my husband). You have to follow your heart, and know that you know. Just today my son, who is 10, said,"Mom, when did you and dad get married, what year?" so i said, "1994"- He then said, "You guys had been married 3 years when I was born!" Kids are smart, and if that matters to you, then maybe you all should consider marriage first.
Good luck with your choices.

Answer 9

Babysittin is sooo different than having your own. I have a 2 year old and im 21. The best thing for you to do is wait until you are married. A baby changes everything. A newborn baby well ne stressful to you and him. Its a joyous thing, but it can push both of you apart.

Answer 10

If it's what you both want, and are sure of it, go for it. There is no reason why you can't!!!