how do i keep my other girls on hold while i date the others?

Question

ok, this may seem shallow, but im actually doing this to save a few girls' feelings. i really like all three of them actually but they all have their pros and cons. i selected the one i like best. what do i tell the other girls? i would still be interested in going out with them if this relationship doesn't last.

Answer 1

If you take the approach that you have to be completely exclusive with every girl you go out with then you're going to have issues like this all the time. The purpose of dating is to get a chance to hang out with someone on a personal and private level and find out things about them you wouldn't otherwise find out in a group setting--in the hopes that you will find someone you truly connect with.

If you take a girl out and are honest with her that you like her or are interested in her, but that you're not ready to date exclusively then she should understand. If she starts pouting and throwing a fit then clearly this young lady is a little immature, and not quite ready. How could anyone want to date only one person if they don't really know them.

Just be honest--it's not about being a "player" or something equally as childish. Quite the opposite. It's about being adult enough to express your true feelings. And if your true feeling are that you have feeling for more than one person then you should be able to say that. And hopefully through some casual dating you'll find the girl that you like to spend time with more than the others.

The pressure to be this long-term monogamous couple after the first date is ridiculous. You shouldn't have to be with someone that puts that kind of pressure on you anyway.

Answer 2

I don't know what you should tell those other girls because I don't know what signs you have been giving them that you like them.

If you were giving blatant signs that you were interested, you have to tell them flat out that someone else came along and you can't say no, that you feel really bad if you led them on and hurt their feelings, but that there's nothing you can do.

This probably won't "keep them around," but let's face it... if you sent some really strong vibes to these other girls and now plan to withdraw them, there's nothing in the world that would be sure to keep them around.