Was I wrong to lie about where I was going?

Question

I am not allowed to see my girlfriend. My husband does not like her. I slipped away tonight to see her and told my husband I was going to church. I feel bad and hope that God is not mad at me. I only stayed on hour and was able to visit with her and her family. I had a good time.

He does not like her lifestyle. He thinks she is a whore. That is why he does not want me around her

Answer 1

first comes first.. are you a woman seeing a woman while cheating on your husband?

wow, and i thought my life was messed up.

i say leave this woman and stay with your husband, you sinner.


haha.

Answer 2

I believe honesty is the most important element in any relationship, so yes, I do believe it was wrong to lie about where you are going.

You should take the time to assess this situation more carefully, as the friendship is apparently important to you. Think about the person in question. Is your husband's assessment of her fair? Or do you feel like he has completely misjudged her. You should discuss his feelings for your friend and perhaps try to come to an agreement if you would like to continue seeing her.

Otherwise, is your husband controlling of you in other ways other than not wanting you to see this friend? If so, perhaps this is a problem in your relationship that needs to be fixed.

You should be looking for a permanent solution, not trying to cover up a temporary fix by lying.

Answer 3

No it was not wrong to lie to him. It is not fair of your husband to try and control your friends and the people you like to spend time with. Your husband should respect you enough that he knows that even if he doesn't like her lifestyle you will not change just by spending time with her. The only legitimate reason I think a husband should make such a demand is if he was afraid for your safety while with this person. In any other case, such as him just not liking her he, in my opinion, has no right to tell you who you can be friends with. However, I don't think continuing lying to him is a good idea, I would be afraid of how he would react if he ever found out because it seems like he is very controlling and it worries me that he might react really harshly if he found out about continuous lies, but don't feel bad about this time. I'm sure you already have but I would try just explaining to your husband that she is one of your good friends and you dont want to sacrifice that relationship to appease him. Good luck.

Answer 4

Who cares about what god thinks

You are not "allowed" to see your girlfriend? Is it your partner in life or your daddy?

You have more serious problems than god being mad. Sounds to me like you are in an abusive relationship.

My husband agreed to be my partner, not my boss/father. The day he started dictating to me rules and regulations, I would walk out and never come back.

My first husband was like yours, he also had no problem smacking me because I "asked" for it, or sleeping with anything that moves. The only reason I stayed for 6 years was I married him when I was a child and I had to at least get some education and a job to get out and provide for my son.

Forget god, and wake up.

Answer 5

As a professional I am begging you to get counseling. You are your own person, even being married. From what you have said your husband is controlling and you have been put in a position where you had to manipulate and lie to do something for yourself. I truly hope that there are no children? That adds to this disaster. If you are planning to stay in this marriage you need help to do so and a support system is part of that help.

Statistically controlling men beat their women. They tell them who they can see, when and where. Then the hitting starts. Lying is the first thing an abused woman learns to do. Mostly to herself. "He didn't mean to, he was mad, if I hadn't...." and on it goes. Please don't be a statistic. Email me if you are already there. I WILL help you help yourself. Be strong. Hugs! Nana

Answer 6

It depends. Does your husband have a GOOD reason to tell you not to see her, or is he being too controlling of you?

Unless this girlfriend is getting you into drugs or something, he shouldn't be telling you who you should be friends with. It is a sign of real trouble if a man tries to isolate you from your friends or family.

But if he has a reasonable reason, if she was mean to him, or got you into trouble, then maybe you should stop seeing her.

Lying won't fix it though. You have to work it out with your husband, or you'll always be sneaking around worrying. You don't want to live like that, do you?

Answer 7

I hope that when you say girlfriend you mean you female friend. As for your question, i dont think you should lie about this because if your husband finds out it's going to be worse, and since you're lying you might not be able to prove to him that you were actually at you friend's house and no somewhere else so don't lie to him be honest and try to work things out between your friend and him so that you dont have to sneak out, also think about him lying to you, how would you feel??? think about that!! Good luck!!

Answer 8

when u say girlfriend i'm assuming u mean friend, in which case i don't think it's fair for ur husband to tell u waht freinds u can hang around with or not. i stll think it's wrong to lie, i don't beleive in lying at all, but i've done it in some situations, and i guess if there's apsolutely no way to reason with ur husband, then this is the only way.
if u mean lesbian girlfreind, which i'm assuming u didn't, then the situation would be much different, and than it would be considered cheating, and ur husbadn would have every reason not to want u to see her.

Answer 9

Wait, is this like a romantic relationship? Why is it that your husband not wanting you to see this other women? If it is a friendly thing that is a productive and progressive in the area of friendship then okay, you didn't know anything wrong, your husband is over reacting. But if she is a bad influence to your kids or you, or if this is a romantic thing, you messed up and should work to not do it again. Because whats done is done.

Answer 10

You know the answer. I'd be less concerned about God being mad at you than about you and your husband not being able to be honest with each other.

Just turn it around and think how you'd like it if your husband lied to you about where he was going.

Answer 11

This is a question that is hard to give one solid answer to. It really depends on the specifics of your story.
If your husband is dictating to you who you can and cannot see(you stated that you "are not allowed" to see this friend)what exactly are his reasons? It's one of two things. Either he has a legitimate reason to not trust you in her presence or vice versa, or he is a control freak who just wants to control the social aspect of your life. Its one of the major "red flags" of an abusive personality. These types want to alienate you from your outside sources of support so that they can make you feel like you have no one to go to for help or support for anything except for the abuser.
Abusive relationships usually start in this way, when the abuser issues ultimatums of a sort, that you have to pick between friends/family and him. They fear any outside influence of people who know you and have known you before, as they would be the first to notice that something isnt quite right with Mr. Right. They may be able to talk you into leaving a potentially dangerous relationship before he can get complete control over you. Therfore, for the abuser to gain that control unequivicobly, these outside influences on his sphere of control must be eliminated from your life. There is no room in your life for anyone but him of course. Once that level of control is achieved, they move on to the next level of control, emotional and sometimes physical abuse and control of any other aspect of your life such as grooming, dress, and what you do every minute of your day. You are alienated from friends and family and feel like there is no escape, and you come to a point eventually where you either have enough and leave, or you end up in the hospital or worse yet, they find you dead naked body in a plastic bag in a ditch somewhere.
If this is the pattern you are in my dear, let me tell you it is alot easier than you might think to get out, and get out now. It doesnt get any better, you cannot change him, and he will never be able to change you into what fantasy he has dreamed up of the perfect wife-its a no win situation in which you will be the loser. Hey, life is good out here! The air is sweet and the grass is green, and YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, you dont need him. You may not get it now, I know, I was there. I didnt get it either until my ex husband ran me over with my own car(the end of a brutal 7 year marriage of beatings, rape, indignity and alienation from the world). Yes, life is good out here, the hardest part is the first 2 steps out the door and starting over. Give it 2-6 months though, and you'll be wondering why you didn't do it sooner. If you have kids, dont say youre staying for thier sake. Staying does more damage to them than going. Ask my kids.

On the other hand, if you're husband does have a good reason for disliking this friend of yours, then shame on you and your friend. What kind of lifestyle does she lead and what does she like to do when you're together? Is she a party girl who likes to party nasty? Does she want you to come along on her "adventures"? Girls Gone wild Style? All that stuff was fun in the single life, heck yes. But when you get married, there are some things that you just dont do anymore, and if your old circle of friends are still locked in that kind of lifestyle, then they really may not be a good circle to keep. I am not saying that you should give up what makes you you when you get married, but that there are certain lifestyles and friends that really have no place in a married lifestyle. If you werent ready to give that up, then you shouldnt have gotten married.