Suicide - help me understand.?

Question

I asked a question earlier about this, and removed it because I didn't want to come off as disrespectful (which I apparently did). I'm angry at this person for leaving his wife and kids behind, though. I knew them all very well and helped them out, with the exception of the in-laws.

But why don't people think about who is left behind? Don't they realize the pain?

For those of you who have attempted - why? I've been on medication for depression for over three years now, but don't understand suicide. I just don't.

My mother attempted suicide three years ago too. On Christmas day! So instead of attacking me for not understanding, give me insight as to why I should. Please!

My friend's husband killed himself Thursday. His funeral was today and I just found out. I used to work with this girl and I am so sad for her.
He used to beat her up (and I think she returned the beatings sometimes too), but it makes me sad to think that he is gone because I did think he was getting better. They were separated when he did this, which to me would make this more devastating for her.
I just want to understand, because I do think this was selfish. I'm sorry but it does. Or maybe I'm just angry because I should've been there more for both of them...

Can this be prevented? Really? Is there such a thing as stopping this?

I am sorry for those of you who have attempted - I meant no disrespect. But in order to understand, I need help with it.
Also, I thought what HE did was selfish. I'm not saying everyone who attempts is - but those who I have known to try it (mother!) have done it for attention, not to get help.

Thank you for your honesty. Harsh or not. I need perspective. And I am trying to understand. I'm very sad and angry. And you guys can understand that.

But Jack - please don't think I am being disrespectful towards you. I mean no hate. I just wish I knew what to do! What would have helped you? Just you or knowing someone cares about you? Don't get mad - help me!

My mother did it because she was mad at my sister for not getting married. That's what she said - she was tired of my little sister lying to her about not getting married. Is that any reason to kill yourself?
Yeah - I've lived a lifetime of self-pity BS with her, so yes - it was selfish, especially to blame my little sister for it!

Yep - spent Christmas Day 2003 in the ER because my mother took too much Wellbutrin and said she was tired of being lyed to about my sister getting married. That isn't selfish?

Answer 1

That is pretty insensitive and explains why it was removed. Just because you recognized that you needed help with depression doesn't mean everyone has. I have never known anyone who has taken their own life but I do know that thos who do - are so deeply depressed and ashamed that they feel they can't "hack it" in this world. I'm sorry you feel anger towards those who have "bowed out" of life by their own means and left behind so many people that love and relied on them - but perhaps you should see it from the deceased point of view. There is always an underlying stress causing this tradgedy and sometimes those who can't see it for what it is - question it inapproriatly. Try putting yourself in a position that you are incapable of understanding and pulling your self out from. An unhappy marraige, a job that goes no where with enormous stress or even family/friends that don't have the empathy to see that they have pain that can't be helped. I'm sorry that you can't understand why your friend did that, and I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh. But perhaps this person just couldn't find someone to listen and see the warning signs early enough to help him. Please feel for him and help him and his family by being a good friend and a good listener, don't judge them for what they've done, love them for the strength they have to get through this.

Answer 2

You know, I can really see it from your side but I can really see it from the person whos attempting it too. My father was an alcoholic who drank himself to death when I was 12 years old, he was so lost, so sad and so hateful. he felt as if there was no help. he suffered with bipolar, depression, anxiety disorders, and back then it was really looked down on mental illness' but then again he was a man and men do seem to be a little more stubborn then women. Two years ago I delivered my daughter stillborn. I hit a wall rock solid. I seen a whole other side of depression I never saw before, luckily I never did attempt to commit suicide but never did I have a day of not thinking about it. Lately I have been working really well with my depression and I am getting better but when I think of my father, at that time in his life, his pain controled his life, it didnt matter that he had a loving wife and three children, he was hurting and thats all he could see. Do I think it was right absolutley not but I understand that pain he felt and i know that he really wasnt thinking about who he was leaving he was looking for a way out of his reality. Hope this helped a little. I know it is just horrible when people take this way but just remember that man was fighting his demons for too long, some people just give up and others fight for what they can and will have...

Answer 3

I have never attempted suicide but have known people who have, and a lot of time these people do think about their family. Some suicide victims feel like their family are better off without them in their lives. Although I agree with you the family should be the one to decide this also, but most people who kill themselves do it because they feel it's better for the family. If your mother attempted suicide and you are on antidepressants it's because there is a genetic determination. I don't think you should be attacked for trying to understand. Are you trying to help your mother because at a certain point there is really nothing you can do at times. People who have suicide in their head sadly commit it successfully. If your mothers was an attempt and she did it where she could be found then she clearly did not want to die. I never could understand the reasoning for suicide but everyone knows what it's like to be just tired of living. Life is very stressful, and for some people it's harder to cope and adapt then others. All I can say is just be with your mother and try the best you can to show her you care.

Answer 4

I don't have the answer on why people don't consider the loved ones they will leave behind when they commit suicide.

I have attempted suicide, and had an 8 year old child at the time. I ended up in the hospital for 32 days and was eventually diagnosed with major depression, bipolar disorder, and treated with medication.

When I was at that point in my life, I couldn't think of anything or anyone, except myself and how I was feeling. I could not see a way out, and only wanted the pain to stop. I thought my only option was to die. I actually believed in my mind that my son would be better off without me.

I'm not trying to make excuses for anyone (including myself), but I believe that anyone who does attempt suicide, or actually commits it, has severe emotional and mental problems, which does not allow them to think straight.

Now, when I look back at the pain I would have caused my son, had I succeeded, I thank God for saving me.

I can understand your anger towards the person that did this. But, please try to understand that he was ill. He could not have been in his right mind, or he would have considered his wife and children. He must have felt so much pain and felt that there was no other way out. Perhaps he even felt that his family would be better off without him (as I did with my son).

Unfortunately, his family will suffer for years, and they may even feel guilt and possibly blame themselves for this. I hope they are able to get into some type of counseling or support group....especially the children.

Your love and support is what they really need right now. Please try not to show them your anger towards what he did. I'm sure they will eventually have their own anger to deal with.

It's a very sad thing to have happened....

Answer 5

Well, some people get to the point that they hate themselves and their life so much that they simply don't want to live. Their depression begins to run so deeply that they can't see their family or loved ones missing them at all, or caring that they're gone. Most think that if they die, their loved ones will be better off. If they don't think of it this way, then they are simply so deeply depressed and mentally ill that they can't see any other option for them but death. It isn't that they don't think about the people they leave behind, its just that they don't have the will to live anymore and can't bring themselves to picture any good coming from their continued existence. Its hard for anyone to understand the mindframe or thoughts of someone who has committed suicide, or tried to commit suicide. But you can't assume that they haven't thought of who's left behind. You have to understand, though, that they have lost themselves, or why else would they be killing themselves in the first place? Sometimes its something they just can't overcome. I'm not saying suicide is a good option, I don't know if that's what I'm coming across as. I'm just trying to explain to the best of my ability.

Answer 6

My mother attempted suicide when I was a young child, in fact, I was the one who fetched her pills from the bathroom for her at 6 years old, and although my views have changed as I've gotten older, I carried the burden of fault on my shoulders that if she died, it would have been my doing. Luckily, she received medical attention in time.

The only way I could answer is that sometimes people spiral down so far and feel so terrible that their only way out is to die. I would imagine this feeling outweighs everything else. Of course, this is speculation on my part because I have never felt that bad but apparently, many people do.

Answer 7

Interesting that you say your on anti depressants and you have never tried it. Maybe that's why!

Firstly, not every who kills them self is suffering from depression. I have a friend who is schizophrenic and was being told by his voices he had to kill himself because he was a worthless person!

Secondly, not everyone responds to anti depressants, so lucky you!

Thirdly, not everyone gets to be diagnosed as either they or their families don't recognize that they are depressed.

Fourthly, there are different grades of depression perhaps yours is not severe enough for you to be suicidal!

I'm not surprised people were nasty to you. You think those people were selfish because they killed themselves? Ever been suicidal? When you have, and I mean properly suicidal, then re post this hate fest when you understand the pain they go through!

Edit
The attention is what they did it for believe is just more misconceptions!

Answer 8

I have never attempted suicide, nor have I been tempted. The phrase that comes to mind is,"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation." People that commit suicide either can't think beyond their own pain or they think that everyone is better off. So it is not really fair to them, even post mortem, to assign blame as if they did it with full knowledge of the reprecussion for those they leave behind. For the majority of society, suicide can't be truely understood. I imagine that if I did truely understand it, then I am probably at risk.

Answer 9

No one should be forced to stay in this world if they don't want to. That is cruel. If they want to end their life-they should have that right.

I've attempted suicide before, I wont lie about that. I was miserable and had nothing to live for [sometimes I still think I have nothing to live for-but I pull through].

It really is something that I don't think you can understand unless you've been suicidal. And, you're on medication for depression-you have something helping you.

EDIT-you're completely wrong. If someone commits suicide-why would they want attention, if they were dead?

Answer 10

People don’t kill themselves for a reason, i.e., lost a job, relationship going wrong, etc. They kill themselves because they’ve run out of reasons NOT to kill themselves.

Imagine utter and complete hopelessness. The idea that life will NEVER get better, and that you are a burden to EVERYONE around you. I’m using superlatives because that’s how suicidal people think. Often, they think that everyone will be better off if they were gone, if they’d never been born, and ultimately, if they’d die.

It’s a shame that he didn’t seek professional help for this. Besides medication, being able to talk to a professional who can make them understand how to cope, and how to recognize how they are bringing on their own problems.

I’m sorry for your friend, and for her husband that he never got past his inner demons. Please ask her not to blame herself for this.