Ok, I will make this as short as I can. I have a 6 month old daughter by a guy who's only seen her 7 times and his family has never seen her. Yet, he claims that they know about her. We talk on the phone, almost everyday but our conversations are rarely about the baby. I have arranged for my daughter to get blessed this coming Sunday. I informed him about the date last week (the day I found out about the date) and he blew up about how this was too much of a short notice for him to invite people and that I am always doing things my way when it comes to her. I have told my family about the event and they are planning on making it and wouldn't miss it for anything in the world so I don't understand what his complaint is about. I think that if anyone wants to attend the ceremony of our daughter that they will make arrangements and come out and show support. I understand him thinking that it's last minute for preparations, but I have arranged everything. Am I wrong for not changing the day?
2007-09-10 08:58:22 · 13 answers · asked by Proud mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To answer Martha G's question. He has only seen her 7 times because he comes over to see him whenever he wants to. He knows that he can see her anytime, and I don't keep her from him.
I didn't try to reschedule the date because this is the second date that the church has given us and I didn't want them to think that I wasn't serious about getting her blessed by continuing to change the date. The ceremony is early in the morning I didn't see how this would be a problem for anyone who wanted to be there to be there.
Even if I did change the date, who's to say that he wouldn't have another excuse lined up.
2007-09-11 02:18:00 · update #1
Thanks for everyone who took the time out to read this and respond. Well the Christening was yesterday and he did not attend. Spoke with him today and he told me he didn't come because he didn't have the address....
2007-09-17 09:40:17 · update #2
why has he only seen her 7 times? because of him or because of you?
if he isn't making a good attempt to be in her life then you weren't wrong to assume that he would not attempt to be inlcuded in this
obviously he cares about your child if he is upset that you gave him too short of a notice, what is the problem with working with him and rearranging? would that cause too many problems for the church or something?
2007-09-10 09:52:04 · answer #1 · answered by Martha G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have done admirably and do not need to apologize for the scheduling. He needs to apologize to you, but likely won't. Even so, it is great that you are keeping open to him and his family. Unless they are good for nothings, they will have a wealth of love, care, and who knows what else, for the baby. :-)
They are certainly worth the chance to find out!
As for the Dad, you need to be up front with him, and stand your ground as far as him blowing his top with you. That just won't cut it. He should appreciate that it is not you blowing your top with him. He should appreciate that you are not demanding or selfish or rude-to him! He needs to know that although you want him in the babies life, there will be expectations that will go along with that, such as keeping his cool, being there when needed, or wanted by the child, and forking over some child support, asap!
These are the responsible things for him to do. Let him know, without hesitation, that he is a father now, and can't just flit around like a kid. His maturity level must rise to the occasion, or he will have many regrets, and your's and the babies lives will suffer. Tell him it's time to man up!
2007-09-18 13:37:33 · answer #2 · answered by Jann 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That guy needs to become a responsible parent, like you. Sounds like he is just trying to get out of being there, or even having any of his family there as well. Your daughter is 6 months old and he has seen her only 7 times, not good. I don't think you're wrong in not changing the date, he needs to make time for his daughter, good luck to you and your daughter!!
2007-09-17 16:35:18 · answer #3 · answered by delgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds to me like the dad has a control problem. 7 times in 6 months is unacceptable. if he wants to be involved then he'll have to do a lot better than that. do not change the day. if his daughter is important to him then he will be glad to find a way. don't let this looser call the shots until he steps up and becomes a real father. he has to prove he cares. if it were me, the less he saw of me and my daughter the better. you have a full plate for life. you shouldn't worry about this wanna-be father. he should be there. then there wouldn't be a problem with any arrangements. this isn't about him. it's about her and it sounds to me you are doing everything you can for her. good luck and keep your chin up. he's the jerk!
2007-09-14 17:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Donna J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
like you said in your writing "OUR" daughter and then you went and made arrangments without considering the father's feelings. yes, i think you should have asked him before making the arrangments. this would be a good time to start getting his family involved with their son's baby. i would tell the father that i'm sorry and i'm a little confused on what way we are going. up til now i've felt i'm doing all the mothering and not seeing too much of the father and that his parents have not yet seen the baby, and, of course, you want them to meet their grandchild. i'd change the day. you never know, by changing this day, it may be a start of a future life with him and his family. may your baby be Blessed and have a good life. good luck to you all.
2007-09-10 16:33:21 · answer #5 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Always hard walking the tightrope. If you had witheld the information it would be different. He obviously doesn't have a lot to do with her. Doing things your way? Of course you are raising your daughter, how else can you do it but your way.??? Sounds like you are unsure for whatever reason. The ones that care and share in her life will want to be there.
2007-09-15 09:37:35 · answer #6 · answered by Rick L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. If he's only seen the baby 7 times in 6 months, he can't be too concerned about the baby's welfare. If he wants more say so when it comes to the baby, he needs to get more invnvolved with the baby.
2007-09-10 16:41:18 · answer #7 · answered by kapes72 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me you are a young lady with your head screwed on the right way But you made a mistake with the young man in question, and he's not worthy of being a father to your child. He is taking no part in her life and seems uninterested in anything to do with her. you did right in what you did. If he wants to be part of her life then he should get himself involved. It's not up to you to be doing everything. maybe he needs a wake up call. Ask him if he wants to be involved or not, and if not, bug out. and leave to two of you alone, 9 but make sure he pays for her up keep. best of luck
2007-09-17 21:14:45 · answer #8 · answered by gone! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. He doesn't sound like a very good father to me. If he loved his daughter more he would see her every week of at least try to. He sounds like a little boy. He needs to grow up and learn that everything isn't always about him.
2007-09-10 16:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's not supporting you & your baby then you don't owe him a thing. If he wants to start acting like a father then he is due the respect he earns.
2007-09-10 16:06:42 · answer #10 · answered by Lucy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋