Stay at home moms unite!?

Question

Ladies, do you feel as though people don't think as highly of you because you are a stay at home mom? Do you ever run into an old friend and they ask what you are doing nowadays and after you reply, I stay at home and take care of my (insert infant, toddler, etc.. etc...) And then you get that 'Oh......' with the demeaning kind of look... It gets really old, I feel as though our job is one of the most important, regardless of the fact that our salary comes-not in the form of money- but in the form of rewarding smiles, abc's, 123's, and 'Look mommy, I did it!'

It's just how I feel. I love being a sahm, whether people think it to be an upstanding title or not.

What are your feelings, have you ever run into this-dare I say-discriminatory behavior?

Thank you Lillilou for being rude to the question- I say say at home moms because I am a stay at home mom wanting to know if other MOM's feel this way. Definete kudos to saty at home dads too.

I am very happy with the fact that I am able to stay at home, my point is that some people do not see it as an important 'job'- as one of you said 'stay home' and 'do nothing' is what people think we do.

For all who apparently aren't reading the question- I AM NOT bashing anybody here! READ THE QUESTION PEOPLE! If you can't read the ENTIRE question then you have no business trying to answer it beacuse it make you look like an **** when you don't know what the hell you're talking about!

Answer 1

Dear Sweet Pande,

I know that ( ( (look) ) ) yr talkin about. I'm a stay home Papa. . .just refered here by a nice Mom in my town. I stay home and take care of my awesome son Aidan. I wasn't sure how it would feel . . . but I tell eveyone now that ; This is the Freakin' BEST job I have EVER had in my LIFE! It is hard work, fun, and very spiritual.

The proof is in the pudding. . . so just enjoy your full-time parent-loved kid. My son (9 mths)can already say a handful of words and knows 15 sign language signs. . . and can sign 3 (dog, all-done, and car) he he. A parent around the clock is a most wonderful gift for any child. Other than that . .I just smile and let folks think what they want to think. I don't have to think about it; I KNOW this is the best. = )

Also, my wife has a Master's degree and I think most folks (if you do the Math) would realize; the profit (all things considered) isn't much; with both parents working and the child in daycare.

You can be MUCH more efficient and content (in the Art of Happiness) with a parent on a the homefront.
Just my two cents. My son is 9 months old and as of today is free-standing for up to a minute at a time. It is SO damn cool.

There is a great quote I once heard that went like:
"If you care what people think; you become their slave." end quote

So I guess it's best to just do what makes you and your family Happy = ) . . . and just smile to detracters (most of the time they are jealous (either of your situation or peace of mind)) ; )

Answer 2

I wish this could be about moms in general uniting instead of working vs. stay at home moms

It would be really nice if we mommies (working or not) could stop bashing each other. I am SOOOOO sick of this whole debate. It seems like if you are at SAHM mom, you are looked down on for not doing anything "important". On the other hand, if you are a working mommy then you are accused of being an awful, selfish mother who doesn't care about her kids.

Of course, neither of these is true, and all of us just want to be the best mommies we can, regardless of our circumstances. The important thing is to have choices and support one another. Some of us stay home and enjoy that. Others work because they love their jobs and can't imagine life without it. Others work because they have to. Each of us can be a good mother regardless of the circumstances.

In my opinion, the people who do the bashing (of either SAHM or working ones) are just unhappy with their own choices, and are looking to make themselves feel better by denegrating others. It's really unfortunate, because we just end up making each other feel bad.

I am a working mom, and I love my kids more than anything in the world. I don't feel like less of a mom because I work. Plenty of times, I've been made to feel like I'm a bad mother because of my circumstances. So it cuts both ways. Too bad it has to be like this.

Can't we all just get along????????

Answer 3

Stay-at-home Moms are the most important people in the world. "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."

Some women are jealous because they would like to stay home and can't, some will not be contented anyway and so have to try to bring others down.

Pity them. They don't know what it feels like when your child gets off the bus and runs up the driveway with today's papers in hand and Mom is there to offer a hug before posting today's work on the fridge --, or, the warm feeling that comes with comforting a sick child, gently bandaging a scratch, being there when feelings get hurt... Enjoy your little one. They grow up way too fast.

Answer 4

I agree that it is the most rewarding job in the world. My ex-fiance used to resent me because he said I got to stay at home and "do whatever I want". He thought all I did was sit on my behind and watch tv and eat bon bons or something. Which is why he is my ex-fiance and my son is with me and not him. In my experience, people who do not have children have a hard time relating to sahm/d's, and I believe some do not think we are contributing in a meaningful way. I think it's the best thing a parent can offer their child...their time, their love, their sacrifice, their undivided attention to their safety, well being, needs, and development. Indeed, stay at home moms (and dads!) unite!! I would also like to add that this is not for everyone, and we should respect those who choose to work and have other qualified individuals care for their children. It takes all kinds.

Answer 5

Anne is right, it runs both ways, just not necessarily from everyone of us. I have seen a lot of SAHM completely bash working moms when some may not have the option others of us do. I am fortunate in that i CAN'T work or I would have to in order to help pay the bills. I have run into many old acquaintances that "just don't get" how I can stay home and "do nothing". I count it as their loss-and their children's unfortunately-that they don;t understand what they are missing.

Answer 6

What I think is terrible is when SAHM's bash ME or give ME that demeaning look because I actually work for a living AND do everything they do. Different people are happy with different situations, and I do try to respect that. I just feel that a mother who works, is a well rounded person, and is educated can give more to her child than someone who doens't do these above things. I believe my son is lucky to have such hard-working, loving parents.

I will just be frank. I earn over 300k a year (management consultant), my husband more than double that (hedge fund manager). Obviously, we could easily live on his salary alone. But we don't see the point of sacrificing the 300k, plus I found those three weeks of materity leave were an intellecual graveyard of misery!I ended up not even taking my full paid leave (i took 3.5 weeks, i had 8 weeks). My son is a happy kid, he and i still find time to cook together, he and his father play games together as well. We have a combination of family and a nanny caring for him. Our nanny is a retired school teacher, and I openly admit she is more fit to raise a child with me - since she is trained to develop communication/reading/math/etc. skills, especially with family supervision. My husband and I split housekeeping chores - we have no maids. I do the cooking and he does the dishes after we both work a 10+ hour day. I am not complaining, I like it this way, but this is hard work...with basically no free time at this point.

Answer 7

Well I'm a housewife but will be a stay at home mom when I have children. I haven't had anyone ask me what I'm doing as I don't have any friends but I know my mother will be disappointed with me for not going to college like she wanted to force me to do. I think being a mother is the most important job in the world for women.

Answer 8

I think I used to feel somewhat that way when I was younger, but now I look at it completely different. I have to be happy with my own choices and it really shouldn't matter what other people think of me and my choices. I'm the one who has to live my life and be content with what I have chosen to do.
If another person is going to judge you because you choose to stay home with your children, then honey, THEY are the ones with the problems not you. Just smile and ignore, don't even give them a foot in the door to even think that they made you wince. So if you are happy with the choice you have made, then nothing else should matter, afterall they are not the ones who will be getting all the rewards of raising your children later on in life, YOU will.

Answer 9

I am a stay at home mom and I love it. I know what you are saying though. I just try to shake it off. I think people look at stay at home moms as though they sit on the couch and eat bon bons. It is sad that Moms are sometimes frowned upon for staying home.

Answer 10

It's odd, but the only person who has ever said anything negative to me was one of my three sisters. She was one who couldn't 'wait' her whole mat. leave, and went back to work way earlier than she needed to after her child was born.
Maybe I'm just lucky, but around the time our son was born, there seemed to be lots of other SAHMs around. When he began school, there were lots of us moms - and a few dads - who did a lot of volunteering at the school, and were able to commisserate.
I have two degrees and had a great career before we began our family, and it's been wonderful to be a SAHM. Our family and our marriage are just wonderful!