Would you forgive someone who tried to strangle you yesterday?

Question

and said cruel and viciously unkind things and had to be pulled off you.

My mom died one month ago..today we went to split up stuff. I did not want to go as too soon but coerced by my brother,. ALL of my 5 siblings took items saying they purchased them (no problem),,I asked for a plague I had engraved for my dad the year he died. My brother wanted it. I had previously told the executer another borther I wanted this 4 times. They gave it to my brother. I oprotested saying it was unfair that they all took items they purchased and iof I had to put mine in the "raffle", then they needed to put their stuff there too. One brother threw the book at me and nearly hit me in the mouth with it..there there you selfish person and then started yelling and saying vial things about me and saying he was leaving..his wife said don't let her rob you of your joy..all the sudden my sister lunged at me and started trying to choke me and crying and putting me down very badly and saying acting like

like I did not care about mom or anyone but myself (totally untrue--I defended several of them and told by hundreds I am nice and have a heart of gold..I am the scapegoat of the dysfunctional family). A man had to pull her off me..they said to me who was calm until attacked I had to stop being so emotional as they were yelling and attacking..one brother who joined them in attacking me got a cut in his forehead in all this. They would not let me leave when I got upset as I was blocked in..I was threatened by a brother that he would not give me a large sum of money due me for insurance I and my mom paid into for 25 years and that my mom assured me I would get saying he was adding the money to the estate if I left (to try to calm down)..later he said "we need to get past this..sorry)--not much of an apologize (oh and he told me I was selfish and mean for taking the only item my mom left me as the oldest daughter --her engagement ring which was not even the real ring as it was lost 5

years ago but a $150 substitute as my sister wanted it ..so it must have been a source of gossip--three of them are chummy and hate m for unknown reasons) He later said here is $150 sell the ring to me so I can give it to my sister...he knows I only have $125 a month after bills for food, clothes and gas due to disability. I refused of course ..he tried to get another brother to put in another 150 my sister thanked him. I pretended to forgive him as I can get my money this week. Then a sister said sorry that she attacked me. She called back 2 hours later and said I am bothered by this. I think I was upset about mom and took my anger out on you..so I am sorry, (she did not remember choking me)but frankly her sorry did not help much. I was so bothered I had to go to a mental health crisis center as I could not stop crying after I left. I am so upset I am considering taking the money and moving to another state and braking all ties. I am sick of their abuse but I am dependant

on one brother to help me fix my cars...he was my best friend but has been EXTREMELY mean to me since mom died. Noone cared that they made me cry and that I told them I was suicidal last night..they said we are all upset. I hate them. But feel guilty to hate but they are disgusting..I have been nearly attacked three times by these siblings and threnened three times with them taking my money as it is not on legal paper but on ones from my mom so I have to depend on them to follw thropugh with their promise to me and my mom they would not cheat me my share..all night I overheard them saying I was selfish and how nongreddy they were when I took nothing expensive and they all did,.--they acted like they were all good Christians.. they lack any compassion. I have been gypped in life by a mom who favored me the least and my dad did love me but died young and now I have these awful relatives wanting all the sentimental items but wanting to deprive me of the only thing my mom left me that I

did not ask for and I only asked for some cheap shelves worth $25..my brother left the house rent free till he dies (he is 40 yrs old) and all the furniture got mad I was left the shelves in the will.

Answer 1

Families can go in many unusual directions with a parent or final parent dies. They cannot make you cry-you choose to cry by being so "upset" about everything. Your grief is very understandable and you are very vulnerable right now. Having dealt with my family upon my mothers passing I can see how people can easily get sideways with each other. We were normally dysfunctional before she died and we still are 2 years later-LOL Confide in those who know you best and understand that how people are anywhere is how they are everywhere and it has nothing to really do with you but rather with them. I would seek a therapist and a group of grieving folks asap. To even feel the need or desire to kill ones self is not cool. Not saying you haven't felt that way, as I have before also in my anger/pain wanted to off myself but the fact remains the next day gets better and as long as you are willing to put forth the effort to get support-now, tomorrows will always be better.
My best to you at this very difficult time of loss and confusion.
Please let me know how I may help
Bc

Answer 2

I am sorry for you. The mementos you want are only symbols but your father is always in your heart. You need to truly distance yourself from these dysfunctional losers. Do not be in the same place with them. Handle things over the phone or by mail. Write a letter to the executor brother and tell him that from now on he can take care of any distributions to you by mail. There should be an attorney supervising the distributions so try to find out the name -or the court probate officer in case there was no trust

Answer 3

They say to forgive is divine and you might very well be able to forgive them, but that doesn't necessarily mean you have to subject yourself to that kind of treatment. There's no excuse for that, especially not coming from family.

Speaking of treatment, it sounds to me like you and your family have really been through hell and your siblings are taking it out on you. I'd say you take a break from them as much as you can until the dust settles a bit, then seek professional help, possibly family therapy. If nothing else it seems you need someone- a friend, co-worker, SOMEbody- to talk to because you sure let off a lot of steam on here....

Hang in there, but in the meantime don't tolerate anything that is hurtful to you.

Answer 4

I went thru the same thing with my sisters...I took so little...only my bedroom suit and some dishes my mother said I could have. They got everything else....still..one of them said I raided the house. Sometimes you just can 't please people. Now I wish I had fought for other things that I would like to have had. So get in there and fight for things that are precious to you. You Go Girl !!! I'm so sorry you lost your parents..and that your siblings are acting this way towards you. I hope you have good friends to help you thru this and fight for you and stand up for you. Good Luck.

Answer 5

The grief is still too fresh. My mom has been gone almost 20 years now and my two sisters are still fighting over a ring. Cant stand it but they wont listen to anyone.

Answer 6

I am sorry to hear about all the drama.
That's the way they are, and you're not likely
to change them. As to forgiving them, stress
brings out the worst in people. Consider how
they behave otherwise.

In regard to the insurance:
It is not part of the Estate. It goes to the
"named beneficiary" of the policy, and if
that's you, trying to keep it from you is a crime.
Make them aware of that.

Answer 7

WOW you need a mediator to work things through for you or even a family lawyer so you can stay as far away from them as possible. Go get some help from others outside your weird *** family.

Answer 8

Que?