Is having a guest address her own thank you envelope at a bridal shower tacky?

Question

I just attended my own bridal shower this past weekend, which my mother, future MIL and bridal attendants threw for me. The shower was gorgeous and they all obviously worked very hard on everything. The thing is, part of what they did at the shower was hand out envelopes and had everyone write down their own addresses to make sending thank you notes easier for me. Although I appreciate the thought, I fear that this idea may have been seen as tacky by some. So should I go ahead and ignore the self-addressed envelopes (which, btw, where written in pencil b/c that's what the guests were given), or go ahead and just do my own thank you's. I don't want to offend my gracious hosts by not using them; nor do I want anyone to think "why did they have us write these things out if she didn't even use them?," but I also don't want to come across as tacky. What should I do?

Answer 1

The women who threw my bridal shower did the same thing. I didn't view it as tacky, and as far as I heard, neither did anyone attending...
The fact that they were written in pencil means you are going to have to go over them in pen though...

Answer 2

I don't think it's tacky. I did that at a baby shower recently and actually thought it was a great idea. It saves you a lot of time and energy, you know you have the right address, and it's very easy for the guests to write down their own address once! Now, i understand that you're not happy about them being addressed in pencil, but it WOULD be tacky and rude if you didn't use the envelopes. Just use them or trace over the pencil written address in pen.

Answer 3

It was an over-sight on the hosts part to have them write in pencil, but not tacky at all. Though at all the showers & parties I've been to, they make a game out of it by putting all the envelopes into a basket, and the bride-to-be, mom-to-be or birthday girl draws one out. The person whose name is on the envelope receives a door prize.

I would go ahead and use the addressed envelopes, because first of all, they're all already addressed so a large part of the work is done. And also, unless the guests didn't mark very clearly, the post office won't have a problem reading the addresses unless they get wet. Then they will fade, but as long as you're careful with them, it will be fine.

Answer 4

I think it's tacky. It works at the dentist's office just fine, but not at a shower. The guests are doing some of the "work" involved with thanking them. I think only the bride (or someone in the bridal party) should be doing that piece of the work. Certainly not the guest. The idea scores points for efficiency, but not etiquette. In any case, it was done in pencil, so I would redo the envelopes.

And to think some people were telling me I shouldn't type out my TY note envelopes! :-)

P.S. I just saw Val's answer. I think she got it exactly right. The guest went to the trouble to pick out, buy, wrap the gift, and attend the shower. But the bride can't be bothered to extend the little bit of effort it takes to address an envelope? It doesn't send a good message.

Re. Terri - I respect your differing opinion, however, I would not call anyone who disagrees with you an "etiquette nazi." As a Jewish person who knows full well what the real Nazi's did, I don't like hearing this term thrown around to describe people who are nothing of the kind. (Even though Jerry Seinfeld threw this term around.)

Answer 5

Well, technically you are right; this is truly tacky.
Here's why, the reasoning behind doing this is to save the bride time and effort. But, the guests took the time and effort to go to a store, find a registry, pick something, pay for it, wrap it, and attend a shower with it! But the bride can't even address an envelope to thank them?!

Now that it is done, however, there is not much you can do, but use the envelopes, maybe going over the pencil in pen, and write glowing, elaborate notes to put inside! The guests will know you really did appreciate the gifts this way! Be sure to name each gift in the thank you and even where or how you plan to use it. For example:
Thanks so much for the great blender! Jeff and I love to make smoothies for breakfast and this will really help us enjoy them! We truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity!

Don't feel too badly; you couldn't and can't control what others do!

Answer 6

Looks like you have a very divided viewpoint from everyone. Lots of help, huh?

While in the old days it was only acceptable to hand-write everything, things have indeed changed.

If you really think that someone will get their undies in a wad, go ahead and re-write the envelops. If you know the person well and know that she is a laid back person, don't bother.

At least since they each wrote the original address, you now know the address.

A couple of years ago, I had to write the envelops for several thank you cards and the small card from the florist did not include the address for the person/s sending the flowers. I had to look up the mailing addresses for about 150 envelops. I then used Microsoft Office Access to store all the information and then print all the envelopes and thank you notes at once.

This would allow you to start a database of names and addresses for your future use.

Answer 7

well this may be a 'common' practice now-a-days but it ins't very nice. however having said that at least it means you will get a thank you card!!! lol
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what i am going to do, is while i am printing out address labels for wedding invitations, i am going to print double, so that i have a set ready for my thank you cards.
the address labels will already be on the envelopes and the envelopes will get tucked into each gift as its opened. so when i sit and go through the gifts, the envelope is there, i can write out the thank you note while looking at the gift and make some sort of comment like
thank you so much for the towels, the color is absolutely perfectly matched to our decor!
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in answer to your question, i don't really like what they did but its done and you might as well use them! because they are in pencil, perhaps you could put a piece of scotch tape over the address so it doesn't get rubbed off in the mailing process.
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good luck, happy wedding!

Answer 8

I can imagine not wanting to offend those who were only trying to help. Maybe you could look at it this way: the envelopes that the guests filled out are a way of getting their updated addresses. You can then refer to them as you go ahead and write out your own thank you notes the way you normally would. That way nothing gets "wasted' and everyone still gets a thank you and the "helpers" may not get *too* upset. If they do you can thank them for their help and say that you felt it was a much more personal touch for you to write out the envelopes yourself since they match the note cards you were planning to use, etc. Emotions can be running high at a time like this so anything little thing you can do to diffuse a "snit" will make your life easier. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

Hell yes, it's damn tacky! While your hosts intentions were very, very good, things that are sensible and useful in a business setting may not be appropriate for a a social setting. The pencil gives you a perfect excuse to discard the self-addressed envelopes -- they ARE getting a little smeared and hard to read, right? RIGHT?

You didn't ask, but I'd like to remind all readers to avoid thank you cards with pre-printed messages. Thank you notes are properly sent on BLANK notes, either informal (with a picture on the front) or formal (plain heavy paper, with a monogram at most).

If the guests wonder what happened the envelopes they addressed to themselves -- let them. A bit of mystery makes life interesting.

Answer 10

Hi. Glad to hear your shower was nice! Addressing your own thank you note envelope.....yes, this is a hard one! It is very common where I live, but I do not like it!

Well, to be honest....I do think it is "tacky" AND impolite. I know those hosting showers think that this is a great time saver for the bride, but I just think it is impolite. If I were in your shoes, I would redo them. Also, some of the machines used to read addresses through the postal service may have a hard time reading something written in pencil! Again, I would redo them. I hope you have a beautiful wedding!

Answer 11

It does sound tacky to me :-/ I think you should rewrite the envelopes. And if anyone questions it, say you were concerned that the penciled addresses wouldn't reach the recipients. The guests shouldn't mind because I'm sure some of them thought it was tacky and it really didn't take too much effort for them to write their address on the envelope anyway.