My husbands has two first cousins, one from his mother's side that is getting married this weekend and one from his father's side that just passed away. My husband is in the wedding, and the rehearsal dinner is the same night as the funeral. Which should we go to? Also, consider the wedding cousin is never around, and my husband was a fill in of sorts for the wedding. My husband has also been in more than his share of weddings, so he doesn't neccesarily need to "rehearse". I'm leaning more toward the funeral, but I've also never been in this situation before.
2007-09-10 05:57:43 · 14 answers · asked by armorris9 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Go to the funeral! Wedding rehearsals are almost totally social events anyway. They are rather pointless. You still have the real wedding to go to, also. The funeral is only happening once. It's far more respectful and proper to attend the funeral, than to be having fun pre-partying for a wedding.
2007-09-10 10:03:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your husband should explain to the wedding side that he was close to this cousin that has passed and wouldnt feel right not attending the funeral to pay respects and support the family in this trying time. Ask if it would be possible for another member of the wedding party, perhaps the person officiating to show up a bit early to the church/hall and walk your husband through it just to be on the safe side . Its a special circumstance , not like he just didnt feel like showing up for the rehearsal, so im sure it would be fine.
My condolences to your husband on his loss.
2007-09-10 06:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by ChynaRush 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I like the first answerer's idea of "splitting the difference". The rehearsal dinner is not just to practice the wedding, but also a time for the most intimate associates/family of the couple to have a more private celebration. If your husband is in the wedding he should definitely be there.
2007-09-10 12:57:50 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would do the funeral since it is only rehearsal for the wedding. If it were the actual wedding, I would chose to celebrate the family member who is still here as you can definately see, you never know when life is going to end.
Best bet is to split your obligations. You could attend the funeral and pay your respects while your husband fulfills his obligation of participating in the wedding. Just think of when you were a bride, a groomsmen not showing up for rehersal could really get a bride upset :)
2007-09-10 06:39:05 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I say split the difference. Your husband could go to the wedding rehearsal, since he's in the wedding. You can represent the family at the funeral.
ETA: after the funeral, you might be able to catch part of the rehersal dinner - depending on the timing.
2007-09-10 06:03:54 · answer #5 · answered by TLH 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because of the fact that your husband committed to be in the wedding, I feel like that's where he belongs. However, I also feel that you should go to the funeral to pay respects and let that side of the family know why your husband won't be attending. The next day the 2 of you will be together for the wedding and I think you'll both have peace of mind. Sorry for your loss.
2007-09-10 07:15:41 · answer #6 · answered by ishowtt4beads 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funeral definetly. If it was the wedding its'self then go to the wedding, the person that died would prefer that for you too but a funeral vs a wedding rehearsal? Nah, go to the funeral.
2007-09-10 06:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Call the people who are having the wedding. Tell them that you have to go to the funeral, but that you WILL be at the wedding itself, not to worry. And keep your word.
But before you do this, talk it all over with your husband. It's his family, and it's him who is a member of the wedding party. He should have a voice in what's to be done.
2007-09-10 06:12:34 · answer #8 · answered by kiwi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can't split duties, him at the rehearsal, you at the funeral, then I'd suggest your duty as a couple is at the funeral.
After all, half the marriages end in divorce, but death is final.
Really, the bereaved need your support and caring more than the happy couple needs you at the rehearsal and dinner.
2007-09-10 06:07:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
is it at the same time?
usually funerals are in the morning while rehearsal dinners are after 8 p.m.
do you not have time to go to both?
I'd go to the funeral and if there's time make an appearance at the rehearsal dinner. just wear something that you can wear to a funeral and a dinner.(a dark blue or black drees)
2007-09-10 06:04:22 · answer #10 · answered by Greeneyed 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋