Is my boyfriend a Mama's boy?

Question

We went to visit his mom last weekend. She called him today and said she doesn't see him much, but we live three hours away from her and its hard to get down there and away from school. He goes down and takes her to dinner once a month. It always seems like he chooses his mom over me when we argue, and his mom is always downplaying me- and it hurts when he doesn't stick up for me. What do i do?

His mother continually holds grudges against me and whenever we visit my folks, she gets mad at him for doing so. She needs to let him go.

Answer 1

You know what? Your best move is to support your boyfriend, say nothing negative or critical about his mom, don't complain when he goes once a month to take her to dinner, be cheerful and wish him a great time with her. So she criticizes you? Doesn't like you visiting your parents? Does your boyfriend then refuse to visit your parents? No, he goes with you regardless of what his mother thinks about it. So you really can't accuse him of being a "Mama's boy", can you?

She misses him. Well, he's her son, and she loves him, so naturally she misses him. He's a good son, too, seeing her regularly once a month. That's presumably one of the things that you like about him - that he is loyal. He can't cut himself off from his own mother just because you and she don't get along...and if he did, he'd have gone from being a "Mama's boy" to being under his girlfriend's thumb. He's not like that, and you're lucky he's not. You wouldn't respect a man who could be browbeaten into doing whatever you wanted even if he didn't really agree with it, now would you?

If you keep sweet, and whatever you may be thinking, appear quite happy for him to see his mother every month, encourage him to keep doing it, ignore his mother's snide comments when you visit with him and be as nice as pie in return, it's his mother who'll look bad, and your boyfriend will see it, whether or not he does anything about it. It's quite possible she's always been resentful of people he took an interest in, especially girlfriends, and you're just another one for her to snipe at. He probably already know this, and knows too that he can't alter her behaviour, so he just ignores it. You should do the same.

It's you he's living with, and you're not on her doorstep. Be thankful for that!

wimsey

Answer 2

I dont think once a month is too much at all. I think he is being a good son. Maybe she doesnt like you and if she doesnt theres nothing u can do abt that. Just let her talk. My bf mom and I dont get along either but I would still want him to be a good son to his mother. How exactly does she downplay you? And Im sure he has talked to her abt it when u werent around. He is not gonn abe able to change her opinion about you but he can say please dont talk bad abt her to me its disrespectful.

Answer 3

Only once a month? No he is not a mama's boy. You are just being a brat. Of course she is going to complain that she never sees him, he is her son and she misses him. Seeing your son once a month is hard. Maybe if you weren't being such a brat, she would have liked you.

Answer 4

I haven't heard anything that makes him sound like a mommas boy. He is a SON, son's tend to love their mothers, lol. You should be worried if one of them were abusive towards you, or he treated his mom like crap. That's a bad sign.

Answer 5

I would say that you either have to accept him, mother and all, or let him go.

Answer 6

Yes, even though he really isn't spending that much time with his mom, he isn't siding with you.
When you two complete your education, will you be moving to be near his mom? (Ewww!)

It sounds like you need to be prepared to be in a 3-way marriage with him and his mom. You are apparently an accessory for him. His mom is the main relationship in his life.