my cousins out of control?

Question

help needed
my cousins with a bloke who drinks really bad and hes very abusive emotionally to her ive tried to talk to her but she wont listen he even put her daughter at risk by wondering the streets with her while he was drunk and she still wont listen to reason and dump him what do you suggest

shes started drinking heavily and she doesnt seem to care what people think because hes drilled it into her head tha no one else will want her her other daughter has left home due to the constant rows i thought id got throughtto her when she dumped him last week but his family have treatened her so she taken him back im scared shes going to get hurt really bad by him and its stressing me ut having to deal with her i dont want to turn my back on her but i think i might have to

i talked to her mum about it and she said that shes at her wits end with her she has her other daughter alot and i feel sorry that she has to as shes ill herself i cant see me having a lot to do with my cousin in the future unless she changes he keeps telling her im interfrearing and that she should dump all her friends because they want to see her alone if i thought all of us turning our backs on her would make her see sense i would do it but im scared that if i dont stand by her he will end up ruining her life if nor forcing her to commit suicide or something

i cant understand before she met him her kids were the most inportant thing in her life and she would never let anyne come between her and her girls but it seems hes done just that and hes tearing her family apart

Answer 1

There are some people you just can't help. If you really feel her child is in danger, inform Social Services.

Answer 2

Unfortunate there is nothing you can do til she does hit rock bottom. You can not live someones life for them. You can care and cry and say i am here to help.
I learned this the hard way a long time ago.
She does need help but unless she is a provable bad mother you can not get the police involved. You can call social services and report her as a bad mom. they will come look and if you keep calling sooner or later something will get done. He may even get tired of the visits and leave himself. I would call ever day you will get different people when you call so give different names and use different phones, pay phones etc. Then after a week of your anonymous calls call as yourself and say you will take the kid if they need to place her somewhere cause you feel she needs to be in a better informant than with your cousin.

Answer 3

Your cousin will have to wake up on the floor (or gutter) someday and actually look up and have that drunkard's epiphany where they have to decide whether they want to continue that life.

In abusive relationships, if usually starts with the man separating the woman from her support systems (family, friends, church, car, job, etc,) then beginning with the smaller put-downs, then into verbal abuse, then it goes into physical abuse. After each beating there is a make-up honeymoon, then the subsequent beatings get worse and worse in intensity until she either bolts in fear of losing her own life or winds up in a hospital bed. Your cousin is the only one who can decide how it is going to be and how long it will take before she "gets it". Her also being an alcoholic is a wild card.

You can try to talk to your cousin and tell her about this abuse cycle and where it inevitably leads. You can't make these two people "wake up". Try taking your cousin to neutral ground (perhaps a coffee shop) for a talk.

For your own sake, after this point, you need to stay out of it all lest you get dragged into the next row. If she seeks shelter with you, he could very well show up on your doorstep... and perhaps shoot up the place.

You can inform Children's Advocates or Social Services to get the kid that is still living in that environment out of there and into foster care (unless you want to take the kid yourself).

Answer 4

Your cousin is a grown woman, if she doesn't take your concerns seriously than let her learn on her own, as for the kids call child protection services, they NEED to be in a safer environment. Too many things go wrong when people are drunk. Put your energy into those kids, not your hard headed cousin. Good Luck

Answer 5

Your cousin is in an abusive relationship.She is in danger and her daughter also.Behind closed doors there is probably a lot of physical abuse and verbal abuse going on.Her family threatening her just shows he was probably raised that way ,he will never stop.Get a hold of child services and then go to the local authorities and talk to them.If he threatens you get a restraining order.You may be the only one that can save your cousin and niece,people that don't get involved only wish they would have later.God speed

Answer 6

u can be there for her and listen it will be hard and emotionally drainning but she is in charge of her own life and if she wants to leave him she will. She will need to know that people care for her though. I went thru the same thing with my best friend and her boyfriend she finally left him for good but he got angry abt that and took her life. Her 7 year old son at the time found her dead in her room on the floor. Do not let those kids go thru what the had to. If dcfs ends up taking them away maybe that will wake her up. If she doesnt then she is not worthy of having children. Maybe u can take responsiblity for her kids and help raise them because dcfs will just put them both in sep foster homes more likely. But even then.. at least they would be out of that kind of enviorment! :( hope all works out somehow. Bless you and your family.

Answer 7

Tell her what you've told us. Write it in a letter so there's no mistake. Tell her that, for your own peace of mind you cannot watch her destroy her life, and put her child in danger. If you truly believe that the child is in danger you should contact the NSPCC or similar organisation.

Answer 8

Smack her over the head tell her to snap out of it and tell her get life back in order


thats what i do with my couzins