Would you reccomend having kids right after the wedding or wait a little while?

Question

I want kids right away, but most people who are married say to wait. Are they on to something?

we have lived together for 1 year and dated for 7 years

Answer 1

If you wait until you can afford them, you will never have them. I was married at 18 & a year later I had my first daughter. I have NEVER regretted my decision. I have now been married for 31 years & my oldest will soon turn 30. My youngest is 22, so my husband & I are still young enough to go do as we want. Being blessed with children is the greatest gift between a husband & a wife. The only thing that makes it better is now we are enjoying the fruits of our harvest, our grandsons. My advise to you is to follow your own heart. None of us can tell you what to do, we can only share our own stories. Good luck to you & your husband & may God bless you with a special life.

Answer 2

I got married in July of '06 and pregnant in August '06. It was fine that we got pregnant so quick because we're 29 and 32 years old with a house, good jobs and have been living together 3 years. The only reason I would have wanted to wait a little longer was to pay off some of the wedding expenses and I was 6 weeks pregnant on our honeymoon in Italy. Being nauseous in another country isn't fun. My daughter is 4 months old and I am so glad she's here, she's the most amazing accomplishment of my life. If you're thinking about starting a family soon look at your situation. Do you have means to support a baby on 1 income, is your home a place you want to bring your baby to? Is your relationship at a place where you can deal with the stress of a new baby? If I could do it over again I wouldn't change anything!

Answer 3

First of all, it's really up to you and your husband! Whatever works best for you is what you should do. That said, I personally think a couple should wait a while. You need to get to know each other as husband and wife. Even if you lived together before the wedding, it's going to be a bit different and there will be a new dynamic there.

My friends who had kids right away say of course they wouldn't change it but they wished they had waited a while. I will probably wait five years before having kids after getting married.

Answer 4

My wife and I waited a few years (about 3) till we had our first.

You have to look at it this way.

Do you want to have some time and enjoy having time for yourselves without having the burden of children occupying your time now? Or would you prefer to have your kids now and after the kids are gone to college/living on their own, etc. have the freedom then?

You can have a little of both depending on your age.

I'm 32 now (my wife 29) and have 2 daughters (28 & 8 months respectively). We had a few years after being married and really enjoyed our time before our kids arrived. It also allowed us to work together which we really enjoyed (youth ministry).
Now my wife stays at home and mainly looks after the kids. We still get to work together occasionally.
In about 20 years, the girls will be off to college (hopefully) and we'll have an empty nest. I'll be 52 which may seem old but we'll still have enough energy to enjoy ourselves and our time together as a couple.
Of course your perspective changes by then.

And of course having kids does take a lot of energy - which you'll have when your younger.

I'd say to take a bit of time for yourselves as a newlywed couple and develop your relationship first. It will truly help when the kids come along, since it seems to be your eventual desire. Really focus on your relationship with each other - it will pay off in the long run.
(We have friends that had kids right away - almost wedding night kids. It was a struggle for them in the beginning and sometimes it's still a struggle - mainly for the guy.)

One more thing, make sure your spouse also knows your desires as well. Communicate with one another. Share your thoughts and feelings. It helps :D

Answer 5

Since we are having such a long engagement and live together, we plan on having kids right away. If you didn't live together I would say wait, but since you do live together, you don't need to wait since you already have been through the adjustment period of living together. We are not even married yet, and we have had to work through the "money" talks and getting used to each others schedules. We will have been living together about 4 years though by the time we get married, so we are pretty much as together as we can be, and have mingled the finances somewhat. We know we want kids right away, and would love a "honeymoon" baby even though it is kind of tacky.

Answer 6

It is a matter of preference, if you have lived together I think it doesn't matter because you should know each other by now. However if you have not then yes wait, give yourselves time, but use birth control so it is not a surprise. You should definitely talk about what it is you both want. See what it affects your jobs, finances, life itself. It is very nice to have a baby, but it is easier if you are able to plan it. It is easier to already have a house, car a good job, hopefully you have both finished school - this all gives you time to spend with the baby and lessens the stress - a new baby right after the wedding can create stress for the relationship if everything else is not in place. Communicate with each other without leaving any blanks unfilled.

Good luck!

Answer 7

How long have you been together? If you and your fiance are ready for kids and you are financialy stable then I don't see a problem with it. I would recomend if you have not lived together to give it a year. People change sometimes when you start to live with them.
I say that this is a very important decision that only you can make but my advice it to have one when you and your husband are ready. If that means right after your reception then go for it. If not then wait.
I will put it too you this way. If is happens it happens. Don't intentionally try for at lease 4 months. Give yourself time to get settled into the marriage. Then start trying for real. If you get pregnant before the 4 months without trying then so be it. It was meant to be. They are the joy of life you know.
good luck

Answer 8

It depends on how long you have been together. I married on my 5 year anniversary of being with him. We really didn't need time to get to know each other by then. So we waited about 45 days and started trying then. But, some people want more from careers and/or to have a really nice home first. So it could be based on what your list of priorities look like. Personally I loved having children right away.

Answer 9

You really do not know who you married until after you have been married and faced problems together. A couple years at least.

Babies are hard work and hell on a marriage. Forget together time, forget nights out and forget sleep for a while. Many times men have a real hard adjustment to make especially when they are accustomed to having you all to themselves.

My husband is a wonderful father, but can be a pretty big louse when it comes to understanding the whole baby is first thing. I have tried to explain it is only a temporary thing, but he is pretty selfish. I would have never guessed he would behave this way but had we been married a few years first, I would have known it.

Wait, I have been telling my son for years, marriage at 30, kids at 35.

Congrats on the wedding and good luck in your decision.

Answer 10

I would say wait, I do not care how long you have been together marriage WILL change things. spend a year or 2 getting to know each other as husband and wife before you leap off the bridge. Now having said that...do what feels right for you, talk to your spouse see how they feel and move from there, if they say they want to wait 5 years but that seems like to long comprimise and talk, only you 2 can decide when it is the right time.