My Daddy...?

Question

OK long story.
when I was 12 my mum told me my dad wasnt my real dad. He raised me from birth. It was the worse feeling in the world. My Daddy. My hero. The man I looked up to. Not mine. He is my two younger brothers dad and I was raised to believe he was my dad too. It broke my heart and 5 years on it still really hurts. I speak to my "real dad" and he is quite wealthy and all that crap i have a younger sister (my life) and a 15 year old brother. I love them all so much but I will never get over the fact that my family the people I love and trusted with my life lied to me. I couldnt believe it and I will never forgive them on the inside. My "Biological dad" loves me soo much its unbelievable Ive never felt love like this because my daddy is so distant now. Hes not the same man he was 2 years ago. He ALWAYS shouts at me and has something to moan at me about. People say that he is just upset because he thinks I dont love him the same. But I love him so much I actually cry because...

I think he doesnt love me anymore. He is always cold and distant towards me and sometimes bullies me until I cry. I always end up turning to my "bio dad" cause he's the only one that listens. I feel like crying now because I just want my old daddy back. Him and my mum split up 7 years ago that still burns too.

Im 17 and I always loved spending time with my dad over my mum he was always there for me and stuck up for me. My friends were jealous of my dad and he even treated the ones without dads like his own kids. Everyone loved him.

Jees in know im 17 and im mature I didnt turn my back on him I wouldnt because I love him so much. He just doesnt like me for some reason.

Both of my dads are ok with each other. But im not going to be mean to eaither of them I cant I love them both and it is so hard.

I understand some people dont have fathers and im sorry for that. But it doesnt mean its better to have 2 dads! My stepdad is my dad and he knows it but he is so mean to me sometimes.

Im so upset right now im about to cry and I cant because im in my office right now. Thank you so much people x

I dont call them "daddy" They are both called Mark so its a bit confusing.

I love them both so much. My dad didnt love my mother anymore but they are still friends and its my parents that wouldnt let my "bio dad" near me.

Answer 1

Baby Girl
I know EXACTLEY how you feel;
But i can tell you this,
Its very hard to explain stepdad verses bio dad...bla bla bla
Alot of parents find it very hard to explain that type of situation because of all the details that surround that type of issue. . I dont think that its the actual "secret" that bothers most children as much as all the other what ifs and "little white lies" that may have transpired over the years trying to hide who your bio dad was.
So all of that being said, you should know that nothing changes his feelings towards you and its sounds as though he has been there for you regardless of your blood line. Home is where the heart is right?
i think the same could be said for love..
He IS your father, in everyway that a father could be. Alot should be said for that. In the end ask yourself this....
what matters the most : the bloodline or the commitment....

Answer 2

A family is NOT always by genetics. Sounds to me like you have a lot of love in your life.
Everyone's family has problems and secrets, but that does not make them anything less than family. Be grateful that you are blessed with both fathers. Respect the man that raised you, after all he didn't have to be there for you and yet he still was. He deserves more credit than you are giving him. You are still young, although at 17 you feel grown, one day you will look back with a better understanding.
Talk with the man that has raised you as his own. He deserves to know how you feel about the situation, and I am sure that he will be very understanding.
Dads always have an odd way of showing love. I am sure that he is just as torn up about the situation as you are.
If his intentions were to hurt you, he wouldn't have been there for the last 17 years.

Answer 3

it was wrong for them to lie to you, however, they may have done so because they knew something that made them feel it was in your best interests. As for your bio dad, if he stayed away when you were growing up you cannot blame anyone but him. If he wanted to be with you, he could have pursued visitation in the courts. So that area is a little murky and gray and I suspect there is more to that than possibly even what you are aware of.
I don't know why your stepdad is being harsh with you, but he should grow up and cut it out right now. I am a stepmom myself and I know my kids can love me and love their mom too.
I am glad your bio-dad has finally stepped up to the plate and is developing a relationship with you. In spite of what you think about the 2 dads being ok with each other, there could be some competition there in the background stirring up some emotions. Still, that is not your problem, you are the innocent bystander here and put in this position by the decisions of others.
Where is your mom in all this? She should step in here and mediate this thing on your behalf. Go to your mom and ask her to intercede and help work out some good communications. It's all very confusing and you need someone to help you sort it out.
Best wishes to you dear!

Answer 4

I was in almost the same situtation once, except my dad had died when i was a baby. The man i grew up thinking was my biological father was acutally not. I am 23 now and i understand alot better. Your parents were not trying to hurt you or lie, they wanted to protect you and were probably waiting for the right time to tell you. It is ok to have 2 dads. That just means you have more people to love and more people to love you. Talk to you "step" dad and tell him how you feel. He will understand and then you can more forward with your life. He is probably hurting too, he has helped raise you and he probably feel replaced. Good luck honey.

Answer 5

He might be going through something. I have kids and thats not something I would tell me kids either until I thought they were old enough to understand, so I do understand why your parents lied to you. However, you should probably should get so upset and just try to have the best possible relationship with both dads. Your dad probably is jealous of your bio dad or something. Men have big ego's and get really jealous and he takes it out on you. Just talk to him and tell him how you are feeling maybe things will get better, good luck.

Answer 6

my daughter is being raised b her stepfather as well. the only thing that is different is we are straight up already about him not being her biological father. but let me tell you what. daddy is who takes care of you, provides for you, and loves you. daddy isn't some guy who disappeared from your life. and if this man didn't love you he wouldn't have done everything for you and your mum since you were little bitty. now you do love him and right now you feel betrayed because they kept the truth from you and i do understand that. i hope you can come to terms and i hope you can explain to daddy that you love him very much you just don't understand why they hid the truth from you. this will get easier as time goes by, and when you are old enough to find your "real" father maybe you can. explain to him that you do love him. give him a hug and say i'm sorry i upset you its just that i'm confused because i feel like i was lied too.

Answer 7

Listen sweetheart, How will the man that you class as your Daddy know all this unless you speak to him face to face. I don't care if you're 17, 37, or 67 the feeling won't go away unless you broach the subject and get it off your chest. Sadly, things like this have a habit of sitting inside of us and they slowly chew away until all that is left is bitter resentment.

It sounds like the man that you classed as Daddy loved you and still loves you but he's putting up a barrier as he knows that something has happened to you both as it has changed things. He may also have a bit of jealousy as you have made good friends with your biological Dad and he feels that he has lost all the good years that you had together.

Speak to him and open up to him. It will do you both the world of good.

Answer 8

If you think about it sweetie,they didn't lie to you..It's never a good time to break news like that to a child,always waiting for the right time,it never comes..He loved you,raised you as his own.That must tell you something. If you feel his attitude towards you has changed,it's because yours has. You now have another dad and he's hurting just like you..I understand that it's a difficult situation for all concerned but you should try to see the other side of things. Not everything is in black and white hunny...

Answer 9

Wow, this must be really tough for you. I think that you should talk to you dad and tell him how you feel and that you love him even and look up to him. Tell him that just because he isn't you biological father doesn't mean that this changes the past or how much you care for him. Let him know how you feel and that you really miss how close you used to be. If you can't talk to him try to talk to your mother so that she might could open the conversation for you. If you let him know how you honestly feel then it could help things get back the way they were.

Answer 10

They were very wrong to lie to you but it is time for you to get over it. Your daddy is probably angry because of the separation from your mother. Maybe he blames you for it. See if you can have a serious talk with him without getting angry. Be thankful that your bio father is back in your life and loves you. He should have come forward long ago so he is as much to blame as your mother.