Ok my fiance's parents are going through a (nasty) divorce. His mother cheated on her husband, lied to the family, and did some other unmentionable acts (she blames her husband for all of the terrible things she did). She is the type of person who carrys a grudge forever. My fiance doesn't want her at the wedding since she WILL cause a scene. He'd like his grandmother to stand in for her since she has been his real mother figure. He wants his mother cut off completly, he hasn't even spoken to her in months. I have no problem with this but I am concerned that his mother will flip out. Even worse, show up! I've left a spot on the list for her but didn't tell my fiance. She won't be getting an invitation though. I'm very concerned though, I know it will be bad if she comes, and bad if she doesn't. We have less than 6 months till the wedding and this is a real issue. What would you do? Any suggestions?
2007-09-10 04:34:41 · 21 answers · asked by Little One 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We already put a lot of money down for the reception site and his mother knew about it long before this happened. So she knows when and where it is. There are other complications too, like siblings in the actual wedding party. Nobody wants his mother there but I do like that suggestion of plan for the worst!!
So far so good...keep 'em coming! :)
2007-09-10 04:48:14 · update #1
Spend a little extra cash hire security and give them her picture. Works like a charm. on a serious note good luck cause that is crazy
2007-09-10 04:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kevin C 2 · 9⤊ 0⤋
Make the ceremony and reception an invitation only entry. Have a guard sit outside the door and everyone should either show and ivitation or must be on the list. The groom and bride never know when they turn someone away. The guard does it all for you.
I know that it must be hard to do this to his mother, but sometimes the truth hurts someone. She will have to learn that everything does not need to be wrecked.
This is your special day and this is what I would do. You can hire someone almost anywhere. I would think about 30 dollars an hour or something.
Hope everything works out for you.
Rachel
2007-09-10 05:03:49 · answer #2 · answered by rae 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Is there any chance you could talk with his mother? Like approach her like you are on HER side (even if you aren't) and just ask her if she will be able to set aside her differences for that one day and let any comments that ANYONE makes just roll off her back until at least the following day? Perhaps if you approach her in a way that it looks like you are looking out for her, she wll be receptive. You could tell her that you suspect that because of the sticky situation within the family, you are concerned that some of the family may want her excluded from the wedding and that you would hate to see that happen since her son will only be getting married once, etc.
No matter how strained the relationship between the parents, and no matter whose fault it is, they are still his parents. He may regret excluding her at some point later.
If she can agree to behave for the one day, then talk to your fiance and just tell him that you think he should reconsider inviting his mom. Let him know that you just don't want to see him do something he will regret.
I know the relationship is strained right now, but this is a one time event (we all hope). If there is any way these adults can put aside all differences for one day, they really should.
But let your fiance know that it is his decision in the end, but that you just wanted to throw it out there because you care about him and his family and don't want to see this cause more problems.
2007-09-10 05:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough situation to be in but you need to respect your fiance's wishes. If this is what he wants then you need to make it clear that he needs to talk with her about his decision. It's not your responsibility it's his. Make it clear that you respect his choice but don't want anything to spoil the happy moment or put anyone in a tough position because of his choice come the day of your wedding. Regardless of whether you send an invitation to her or not she's bound to find out and be extremely hurt. I know he's hurting because of her actions but he also needs to realize that there's probably more to it than he sees and this is between his parents and it's better to steer clear of the whole mess even though he's hurting. Let him know this and see if you can get him to understand that even though he's angry right now, he might regret his decision in the future. After all she is his mother and it would be devastating to her to not be included. There are ways to compromise where she would be placed but one things for sure whatever decision is made it needs to be made perfectly clear to her that under no circumstances is she to step out of line during this time. The wedding is about you two not her. Whatever decision is finally made he should also talk to his father about what to expect and ask that he too not make any scenes during this time. If she were to attend then you could sit her on the opposite side way from the father.
2007-09-10 04:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by Orion 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong. Your brother is. Don't let him push you around. If HIS gf gets to be in the wedding, why not your fiancée's groomsmen's gf/wives as well? Or your bridesmaids/maid of honor's bf/husbands? It would balloon your wedding party to be very large at that point. When she's no longer part of his life when they break up within the next few years, then what? Tell him, either he is in the wedding party &she's not, or neither are, & find someone else to take his place, or just leave a third groomsman out. Good luck, & congrats!!!
2016-05-21 03:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance has made his feelings clear and I don't blame him. He wants her completely out of his life. So, you don't need to worry about whether or not you're going to "hurt her feelings" because hey.....it doesn't sound like you'll ever have to deal with her again if your fiance has anything to do with it.
I would respect his wishes and NOT include her. If I were you, I would alert the wedding venue staff and reception staff to the situation and ask them to please escort her out if they see her. I would also think about hiring an off-duty police officer to be there to cut her off before she can even get to the door to make a scene. The venue we booked for our wedding had a police officer on retainer. He directed traffic and was there in case he was needed for any security. Don't let this woman ruin your fiance's day.
2007-09-10 05:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is as bad as you describe and you really are sure she will cause a problem if she shows.
Speak to your reception facility. Many of them are willing to run interference so-to-speak and have someone at the door accepting or rejecting people not on the guestlist. Or they can direct you to a company that will do this job for you.
And look into the same if you have a different ceremony location.
Another option would be to ask the reception facility if you could change the date or time of the reception (time it earlier).
2007-09-10 05:59:21 · answer #7 · answered by nova_queen_28 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... this is tricky. First off, if you don't want her to come, don't tell her where the wedding is or any other details that would make it possible for her to just "show up." You may also want to consider assigning a groomsman or usher to be the "door man" to make sure that only invited guests are allowed in. If you're really concerned, talk to your fiance about what he would like to have happen if she does show up. Does he want her seated in a corner removed from any potential hostile parties? Does he want her admitted at all? Would her like her kicked out forcibly if she does get in? If so, consider hiring a security guard.
Good luck!
2007-09-10 04:43:23 · answer #8 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This is her mother and going through a divorce ain't no picnic. She is in a delicate state of mind right now and, independently from her bad choices, if you nix her from the wedding it will add up to her already sad state.
This is a difficult situation. If I was you, I would still invite her to the wedding under the condition of good behavior only. Let your fiance handle his own mother and if she doesn't want to cooperate and let the differences aside, then you guys should ask her not to attend, but not before. Give her a chance.
Good luck
2007-09-10 05:10:05 · answer #9 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't let her spoil your day. If you know she'll ruin everything and cause a scene if she comes, don't invite her. Don't tell her where the ceremony will be held or the reception. Tell those who will be directing your guests to your reception area who she is and give them a picture so they can send her away if she does show up. Deal with the consequences later. Deny her calls, don't let her visit. If your fiance wants to cut his mother out of his life, it is his choice and you should respect it.
Congratulations and good luck!
2007-09-10 04:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by Meg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to honor your fiance's wishes in this regard. You might consider hiring a security guard who could remove her if she does show up (rather than having her family throw her out and creating an unpleasant scene for guests...). A woman I know did this. Fortunately the groom's mother didn't show up, but they were prepared to handle it calmly and professionally if she did. The peace of mind was worth the couple hundred dollars the extra security cost.
2007-09-10 05:27:24 · answer #11 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋