Child Abuse...Why? (part 2)?

Question

While I understand that abuse and spanking are two different things, but why are so many so soft on the spanking issue, maybe I am naive, and maybe its cuz I never hit my children. (I have three, 25,23, and 10) I just dont understand the message behind hitting, then the kid gets in trouble for hitting, then you are a hypocrite. I just know from being a mom now for over 25 years, that there are many ways to punish a child besides hitting them. (no I will not refer to it as spanking in my eyes it is hitting plain and simple). How would you feel if you boss hit you when you did bad at work? or if your spouse hit you when you were bad? or a cop for that matter? you wouldnt stand for it, cuz its not right, so why is it right to hit a small child when they do bad? explain to me please?

Keep Kelsey Briggs memory alive!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWow42TCwzg

Divalicous, the child was two years old! you couldnt tell her why it was wrong, it wasnt the spanking that saved her, you seeing her do it saved her. by the way covering those pesky wall sockets works wonders.
But either way, two years old is way to young, they dont know and dont learn right from wrong as quickly as a 3 or 4 yr old does.
I will never agree spanking is a good thing sorry. and I do not expect that anyone who does will see it my way, I just want to know why its ok. i dont see it, just dont see it.

Answer 1

IT IS NOT O.K. WHATSOEVER !!!!! I could not agree more with you. I do not have perfect kids but very good kids I can,t complain. They turned out very well without being beaten !!I think some parent hit ther kids , because they have no strenght within.It is certainly a lot easier to hit your child then to have a long talk or dicipline them by taking thing away from them.I used to screm at my kids wich was just as dumm as hitting a child you get nowhere with it .I had to break that habbit very quickly and it worked out so much better the other way around !

Answer 2

If spanking is used ONLY as a last resort AND it is not done in anger AND it is followed up correctly (getting down on the child's eye level and re-affirming that because you love them very much, you are not going to tolerate disrespectful behavior) there is NO WAY a child will be confused about why hitting is not okay but spanking is. Hitting and spanking are NOT the same thing, so it is NOT hypocritical to punish a child for hitting. Hitting is done out of anger / frustration / even rage. There is nothing productive about hitting - it is purely an uncontrolled negative emotional outburst. Spanking is a controlled form of discipline that is administered as a last resort because the parent LOVES the child enough to correct the behavior, but all other methods / attempts to do so have not been effective. Spanking does NOT involve beating the child or using anything other than a flat hand on the child's bottom more than two or three times. Spanking should NEVER be used as a form of punishment for a child under the age of two years old (although it is perfectly acceptable to lightly smack the hands of a child reaching for something that could hurt them - an electrical outlet, a hot stove, etc. Better for them to feel a sting on the hand than a fatal shock or severe burn.) A spanking does NOT leave marks, it IS legal, and while it may not be something every parent chooses to do, it is a perfectly acceptable form of discipline when done correctly. Each child is different, which means not every child responds the same to any given situation. That includes discipline. At least 90% of the time, my daughters (now 24 and 22) responded favorably to time outs/revoked privileges when they were little, so I rarely had to spank them. Same goes for my 3 year old granddaughter, and most of the nieces / nephews I've cared for. However, I have had some very undisciplined children in my care over the years that actually laughed at the idea of time outs and did not care about revoked privileges, so they DID receive spankings from me (WITH 100% APPROVAL FROM THEIR PARENTS) and lost the privilege of ever being able to accompany my family to places like amusement parks / special events (which was the only time they got to do anything like that) or even stay in my home overnight again unless they agreed to respect our house rules.

Bottom line - how a parent disciplines their child is THEIR choice because it is THEIR child, so everybody else (ESPECIALLY the government) needs to mind their own business unless there is a TRUE case of child abuse involved. Signs of child abuse might be marks/bruises on the child, extreme emotional withdrawal, aggressive / bullying tendencies, etc. I promise you this....if anybody calls the police on me for legitimately correcting a child in my care just because THEY don't like the way I'm handling it, they better have a good lawyer - they'll need one.

Answer 3

When we were younger, my brothers and I were all spanked. It stopped sometime around the age of 6 or 7, I can't remember exactly. I am 22 years old today (brothers are 21 and 15) and feel my parents did nothing wrong, in fact, I will probably spank my own children when I do have kids (which will not be for at last another 5 years).

My younger brother and I are only a year and 9 months apart. We always argued and fought are kids and never really got along. My parents tried putting us in time-out, taking away TV, videos, and toys, but nothing worked. We were still little brats. Spanking showed us that they were in fact, the law in our house. And that if we didn't straighten up, we were going to get hurt. Sometimes, time-outs and taking things away just doesn't work for some kids. It didn't for me.

And there is an obvious difference between spanking a child and spanking an adult. Most of the time, a child doesn't know better and needs to be taught. Sometimes the child doesn't listen and the lesson needs to sink in. An adult knows better.

And I believe there is a difference between spanking and abuse. An open handed, swift smack on the *** is just a remind to the child that the parent is the boss. It leaves no marks and only stings for a few moments. A belt or paddle to the backside or a punch is something completely different. That consistutes abuse to me. A spank is discipline.

I turned out just fine though. I just finished college and am moving in with my boyfriend soon. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents and talk openly with them. Now that we're older, my brother and I have a great relationship too. We go out to dinner together every so often and Christmas shopping for our family together.

Answer 4

The personality of the child is paramount in a parent's decision to spank or not.

I am not sure why this is such an emotive topic, nor why the vast majority of parents, who are somewhere in between the two extremes, are ignored. Nor do I know why a crucial factor - the personality of the child in question - is not taken into account. Some children have a clear understanding of right and wrong at an early age, and respond well to a mild spanking, understanding what it means and learning from it.

But some children are deeply offended by being spanked and become angry with their parents as a result. Some, by contrast, don't care at all, and would actually prefer to be spanked than to be sent to their rooms, or banned from the TV. Unless we first of all consider the way our child relates to the world, and to mild pain, the issue of spanking or otherwise is a red herring.

Secondly, many parents who believe in spanking have very specific self-imposed guidelines. They believe in giving plenty of positive attention and encouragement, and saying 'No' as infrequently as possible. They believe in creative solving of problems. They believe in reasoning, and cuddling, and know that children (like adults) sometimes behave badly when they are tired or ill.

They generally reserve spanking for two occasions: firstly, when a child too young to understand reasoning is about to run into danger. They point out that a quick spank can be a reminder to a child not to run into the street, or to go near a vicious dog. A small amount of pain saves a much greater, and possibly fatal amount. But this kind of spanking will be rare, and only for children under the age of about three or four who have not yet developed the kind of language and reasoning skills necessary to understand danger themselves.

The website below said it better than I ever could have said it myself. When a child is too young for reasoning, other methods may better serve the purpose. I don't know how I really feel about the subject, but I do agree that it depends solely on the child and their temperament.

Answer 5

Just a question but where u abused or spanked as a child? I understand u are for a cause and all but u seem overly obsessed with it. You said that you understood the difference b/t the two but then you said that you would acknowledge spanking as discipline but as hitting plain and simple. Well I am here to say that spanking helped save my daughters life. When she was 2, she attempted to put a fork in an electrical socket. By an act of God, nothing happened when she did it and when I found her, I explained to her that she did something very bad and I spanked her for it. To this day she will not go near a socket. Now I tried the other forms of discipline with her as in time out and taking thing from her if she doesn't behave and you know what? She goes and does the same thing that I put her in time-out for!

Answer 6

Well, think of it this way - 50 years ago and more it was common for a kid to be taken out behind the wood shed, drop his pants, and get a couple licks with a switch. Now, let's think - those kids didn't shoot eachother, their parents, didn't talk back in school, didn't kill/rape/maim people, rob stores or any of the awful things we hear of kids doing now. But, now lord forbid our kids get their hand slapped or the principal at school embarass them by taking them out to the hall for a paddle, and our kids are heathens. Makes me go, hmm...

My daughter has gotten spanked...but not for hitting, I always figured that wasn't teaching her much of a lesson. But it isn't a standard form of punishment. Time out works for some kids, taking privledges away works for others. Every kid is different. I can tell you right now, taking things away from my daughter doesn't phase her at all. But there are too many parents that strike their children out of anger, and that is when it isn't a punishment. Maybe they just don't realize what a blessing a child is, and focus more on the stresses? I don't know, but it is an issue.

Answer 7

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I was spanked as a child, as were my brother and sister, and we turned out just fine. We do not feel that we were abused in any way. I do agree that some parents take it to extremes, and that is wrong. Our spankings never really hurt...you would forget about it in five minutes, but it was the fact that we knew we disappointed our parents that really hurt us.

Answer 8

Have you seen most kids today? Most of them deserve to be hit! They talk back to their parent, yell obscenities at strangers, steal, fight, do drugs, pick fights and their parents dont even care or dont even do anything about it. just look at some kids that are like 5 years old or even younger, they tell other kids to F off or F you to their own mom or dad. In my opinion these kids deserve to have their mouth washed out with Tabasco sauce and then a good spanking. Me and my brother both were spanked when we were kids and we turned out just fine, we do not do drugs or abuse women or get into trouble. Truth is, spanking works, and i will more than likely spank my kids to.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

My nephews and nieces are all hit by their parents and they are very respectful. For some kids grounding them doesn't work. Sometime you need to hit your kid to make it respect you. I have 19 nieces and nephews and they are all hit except for my baby nepehw and my 1 year old nephew. Anyway it's perfectly legal in my husband's country for parents to hit their kids in public. If the child's going to be a brat then it's not going to listen if you just talk to it or ground it. My nephews and nieces don't fear their parents and my husband and his 6 siblings also grew up getting hit and they are very respectful. They know that if they do something their parents will hit them even though they are adults. My 16 year old nephew and my 13 year old neice who are both adults(In our religion girls are adults as soon as they get their first period and boys are adults as soon as they turn 14) know that if they do something bad they will get hit.