u now find out he has been in an exclusive relationship with another woman for the last 2 yrs of which she learned of u 1 yr into it but they still continued...can couples theraphy work and the marriage still take place
2007-09-10 03:50:32 · 21 answers · asked by Patricia Ann 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow. Even your avatar looks sad. I don't think I've ever seen that before. It shows a lot about who you are, picking an avatar like that.
If the person that you're talking about is yourself, then you need to seriously think about just why you would let yourself be in a relationship like that. He's just playing you, or insecure himself. Break it off, and work on your happiness. You don't need to quantify yourself based on being with someone.
2007-09-10 04:00:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh well.. that is tough.. first of all u have to access urself.. is this man worth fighting for? after all that has been through can u just forgive and FORGET? forget in bold letters.. because most relationships go thru this process as test if and when they really love each other.. is he sorry for what he did? is he willing to end that relationship with that other girl or not? ask him who he loves the most.. i know it is tough but these questions needs answers.. it could tell u if u can move on alone or give him a chance. group theraphy and even friends help a bit. but it is still up to you to decide if u can live with that fact that he cheated on you. remember that nothing is permanent. i know this would hurt u but u have to think of all the options.. what if it is only you who is making it work.. what if there really is no love after all.. what if they were really meant for each other? moving on is a tough journey i myself once travelled.. i can never make someone stay just because he has to. but would it be better if he stays because he loves u and its not bec he pities u? people dont stay together just bec they are married or with children or they had a very long relationship.. the only reason people stay together is because they love each other.. there is respect and there is love.. wothout it living with that person would be like living in hell.. arguments and fighting would just make things worse.. i'm really sorry because i know going thru this really hurts much more if somebody tells u about it.. but give some time to talk things out with him.. if there will still be chance to make things work or not.. pray to God and let him show u the answers to all your questions.. lift it all to him cry if u have to.. it helps.. u might just be surprised one day that God made things easy for you all along.. that he helped u decide what is best for you.. u can do it! be strong.. u did not do anything bad.. never say ur not enough.. because i know u did ur best.. remember this "When you lose someone... and you think you were the one who loved most, between the two of you... he lost more. For someday you can love someone the way that you loved him...But he will never be loved again the way that you did." :)
2007-09-10 04:33:20 · answer #2 · answered by apple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the wife would have to confront the husband, does he want to continue with this other relationship or carry on with the marriage, or does he want both. If he wants the other woman or both then there is no point going on (and the wife should b***h slap the husband and other woman and take him for everything he has got).
If he wants to carry on with the marriage alone then I suggest they both sit down and talk, maybe there is some reason he turned to the other woman in the first place that the couple need to work at. The wife would also need to deicde if she can carry on knowing he has been in a relationship with another woman behind her back, if she can, she needs to make it clear to the husband she does not trust him and their relationship will need working at. I do believe therapy can help though as long as both parties are willing to share things with the therapist
2007-09-10 04:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by **sparkleprincess** 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No amount of therapy will work unless both parties have a vested interest in the process and what they are trying to accomplish. It seems to me that if he was truly sincere about you that there wouldn't be any need for anyone else. Personally it's appalling to me that another women would think it's ok for him to do the same to her but then there are people who just don't care and are out for their own means. She could very well be thinking he's dumping you at some point. You don't know what lines he's been feeding her or why they chose to continue even though you are involved.
Here's something to think about.
Do you care about yourself?
Do you want to be happy and have a trusting/honest relationship with your significant other?
What do you think makes up a healthy long term relationship that will last?
Which of the above do you have in your current relationship and which ones don't you have?
What factors in this relationship are in your control and which ones aren't?
Are you willing to accept the fact that even after you get married he will probably continue his current behavior and see other women?
Are you willing to settle?
Being in any relationship is difficult under the best of circumstances. Having been with my husband for 16 years I can a test to the fact that in order to get through the ruff times and challenges that all couples face throughout time you need to have a strong foundations of some key elements. Those include: Honesty, Faith in one another (Trust), Respect, Willingness to compromise, Communication -being able to not just talk but work through things together, Partnership, Loyalty, Team-Work, Attraction, and the list goes on. If your starting your life out together without these components in place then your relationship is in trouble from the get go. Just remember you deserve this in your relationship and you shouldn't settle for anything less. Allowing ones fears to make decisions or thinking you can change someone isn't going to give you this foundation either. Trust yourself and do what will be in your best interest instead of making excuses for him and his behavior.
2007-09-10 04:25:37 · answer #4 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HI, sorry to hear about your situation. what i have to say about this is following - it is a bit selfish of you to ask him to be a stepfather and it is responsible of him to say that he is afraid he wont manage it. at first when you were going out he didn't see this as a problem but now he knows that kids are hard work, especially teenagers. he is not ready for it and you cant ask for more. I am always surprised at how people think that their new spouse MUST accept their kids... I myself am a stepmother and I have to be honest, even though I am happy where I am, i wish i had known more about my husbands kids before we got married - maybe i would consider it twice. i would marry in the end, yes, but it is the HARDEST relationship that you can have is being a step. And it doesnt matter if tehre are no financial problems, if the kids are the sweetest ones in the world... tell me something - will your boyfriend come before kids for you when you get married? i doubt, this doesnt happen very often as people usually love their kids too much. and ask him when you get married who will be the first one for him - it will be you. So... if you two get married you will be his number one, while he has to settle down fer being the second after the kids. And it is a hard hard hard thing to accept. I dont know if this makes any sense to you - but i am sure that you have not thought of it this way because you were thinking about yourself. what i would suggest is talking to him and insuring that you are their mother and all the responsibility is on you and not him, that you dont love your kids more than him and wont put them before him, that your relationship with them is not the same thing as your relationship together, they are kids and there is nothing you can do about that and that you love him just as much as them only in a different way. I hope this helps.
2016-05-21 02:29:43 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though I would run far away and never consider therapy, that doesnt mean it cant work out for you if you are both open to it. The important thing is, get in therapy now! I would postpone the date until further notice, it is not a good idea to "rush therapy" and push yourself to forgive. That takes time, and I think you should allow yourself that time. Also be open to the fact that you might not ever forgive him and the relationship may be over. Get to therapy and dont start the marriage like this.
2007-09-10 04:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd never go into marriage like that. A one night affair is bad enough, but he's carried on a 2 year relationship with this woman. I can't imagine how many times he must have lied to you during this time.
2007-09-10 04:04:19 · answer #7 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anything is able to be worked out the main issue is going to be trust and honesty which he messed up on that when he went out and started cheating. This particular relationship will not be able to be worked out because every moment he goes out the door or says why he can not come over because he is "busy" she is going to have thoughts running in her head is he with the other woman and no ones sanity is worth that miserable feeling.
2007-09-10 03:58:19 · answer #8 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious? Would you really stay with the guy in this situation?? If you're referring to a situation you're in right now, please just dump him and move on! This is NOT going to change and you'll never be able to trust him. Why stay with someone who doesn't respect you enough to stay loyal to you? Get out now. I can't see what good things he must have that are better than the bad stuff of him cheating for two years, to make you want to stay with him.
2007-09-10 04:25:53 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult decision. I personally would not marry someone that had a relationship with another woman for 2 years during our relationship. It is one thing to forgive him for a fling. Would be hard to forgive and trust him again after this.
2007-09-10 03:58:41 · answer #10 · answered by clg1975 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋