Where do you draw the line? 4 yo boy?

Question

Ok, so my nephew just turned 4 the other day. My sister is concerned about him. He has (as long as I can remember) been into girl things. Likes to play house and be the mommy or the daughter, he doesn't want to be like superhero's he always insists on being like wonder woman or something. Always pretending to be girl TV characters. He had a little friend (a girl) that he said he liked because they could play dress up and make over games together. His favorite color is pink; as a matter of fact he got a pink soccer ball for his birthday and said it was his favorite gift, which was done in a HS musical theme because he likes Sharpay.

But after all this he is BOY, BOY, BOY. He likes to play in the mud, wrestle, run, play sports. I tell my sister that it is just a phase, but she thinks it’s just too much and doesn't know if she should try to put an end to it or just let it go. Sooooo, what do you think? I really want to give her some more advice, but I am out....

Answer 1

This isn't a battle worth fighting. My aunt, before she had her kids, was determined to let them have both girl-oriented toys and boy-oriented toys. She thought it would make them less "stereotypical". She bought dolls for her son and cops and robbers stuff for her daughter. They are about 2 years apart. The boy never played with the "girl" stuff and the girl never played with the "boy" stuff. A kid is going to play with what he/she wants to play with. Ever seen a 1 year old birthday party? The kid is usually more interested in the box than the gift that came in it.

If your sister starts telling him certain things are only for girls, guess what his first question will be...Why? Is she ready to play into stereotypes which don't generally indicate "sissy" or "gay" tendencies? I was a tomboy. I would play football, baseball (then softball), and other games that were "boy" oriented, like jumping ramps on my dirt bike. I'm not extremely "feminine" in my clothing choices, but I'm not into women. I am 100% heterosexual. But, if my mom had told me that I couldn't do the things I enjoyed anymore, I'd want to know why. And that would have either led to a lie or to "I am worried that you might not like boys when you grow up." At that young an age, your nephew has no clue about sexuality. He's only doing what is fun for him. He's going to be who he's going to be. Is your sister ready to burn a bridge that isn't even built yet? And is she ready to have a son who sneaks around if he does decide he likes boys or being a girl? Wouldn't she rather be someone he feels he can talk to freely?

He seems to be just "experimenting" with different kinds of play. At age four, there should be no worries about his choices. He'll likely end up like me, having a sense of empathy for the other sex but not wanting to be it or act like it later. My brother used to carry my mom's purse and try on her shoes. He's in no way gay. He was just pretending to be like mommy, just like he would pretend to be daddy, too.

I'd say no line needs to be drawn. If she wants her son to have a great self-concept and not feel inferior or "different" from other kids, she really shouldn't point out anything negative about his behavior. He will likely start moving away from "girl" play once he goes to school and begins interacting with other boys. He'll be fine.

Answer 2

It does sound like a phase to me as well. I'm curious as to how she thinks she can "put a stop to it" without coming across to her son that what he thinks and feels isn't good enough or is only Okay if it follows an acceptable pattern of behavior. If she makes a big deal about changing it, she is sending the message that he really can't decide for himself and what he does decide is not okay. He's only 4 and has no clue about the way grown ups think and react to a boy liking pink, he doesn't know and probably in his little world doesn't care at this point whether it's a girl color or not. The attention you call to it, the bigger issue it will become. Wait until he starts school and see if the other boys don't change his mind about favorite colors and games to play. What type of environment is he in all day? Does he play with lots of other boys or only a few other kids? Although it was hard, I had to let my 4 year old be a Powerpuff girl for Halloween because he liked the green color of the costume and despite numerous attempts on my husbands part to get him to be a different character, he wore it trick-or-treating and we had a blast!

Answer 3

This is funny. My oldest son was pretty much the same when he was younger. Fav. color pink...only wanted to play the girl character on games. It is somewhat of a phase. As soon as they're a little older, they changed most of these things (his fav. color is purple now). But actually, I think it's just a difference in personality. He's probably just more caring and nurturing than most boys his age, and in my opinion, that's not a bad thing. I can understand his parents getting frustrated about it, you want your boy to be a so called "man". But my son is very interested in girls, he's just not the macho sports guy. But everyone who meets him loves him. Maybe you're nephew is just going to be one of the good guys that every woman wants to marry.

Answer 4

The boy is only 4 years old so he doesn't even understand there is a difference between boys and girls. This realization will begin when he starts school and has more interaction with more kids. My nephew was the same way when he was little but quickly grew out of it after starting school. Let it be for now.

Answer 5

He will out grow it. I have a daughter that was all about only boy stuff. She had a superman Birthday party, She was spider man for Halloween.

Every time we I bought her something for girls, like a doll or something pink she would throw it to the side & never play with it. I tried so hard to get he into girl things & the more I tried, the more she would like the Boy stuff, So I just gave up & after a few months she went back to girl stuff all on her own (she is about to be 6).

Answer 6

He is just fine, let him be. So he likes to play the girls role, he probably wants to mimic her. My youngest (a girl) loves Spiderman and likes to play a boy role when role playing with her sister, and she likes to play the girl role on other days she still likes girly things and dresses too. They are just kids and especially at 4 it is not a sexual preference. Relax and be glad he can be nice and kind to girls instead of feeling he has to not like them or not play with them because of gender, that will come soon enough. I have been amazed at the change in boys from kindergarten to 1st grade. The little boys were so nice to my daughters in kindergarten and over the course of a summer do not like girls anymore even to play with.

Answer 7

He's just a child, and doesn't know about what sex he is, he only knows what he likes and if he's around a lot of girls, he'll like girl stuff, but he likes boys stuff to.
Children really don't know what they are until around 6 years, so don't worry, give him time.
Besides most boys like girl things too. My grandson loves his older sisters doll stroller. It's his favorite toy, but he likes trucks and swords, and superman.
When my son was small, he loved to have his fingernails painted, and lipstick too. He had a rubber baby doll.
He turned out fine, and well adjusted but his favorite color is still orange.LOL

Answer 8

Does he have a male role model? Most times kids copy what they see. I wouldn't go labeling him just because he likes cool colours, I like pink now, and for most of my life i hated it. Let the poor kid alone, he's fine. U can't change a person just because it might not suit how U think he should be behaving. Love is the best medicine, so as long as you're giving him lots, and lots of love he'll be just great.

Answer 9

I would try to convince her to just let it go. Its more than likely just a phase. There are numerous reasons why he might be acting like this such as, maybe he just likes playing with girls better so he plays their games, or he sees mommy dressing up and putting on makeup and wants to be like her. Has she tried just talking to him about it. I realize hes young, but just ask him why he doesn't want to do boy things. Maybe you could set him up with some other little boys for a play date, ones that will include him and get him into "boy activities". Also maybe he doesn't like playing boy games bc your sister or someone else aroung him may get mad when he is loud playing with his cars or gets dirty outside. hope this helps, I really think its just a phase though, maybe he will grow out of it when he starts kindergarden

Answer 10

At four years old, it is not a cause for concern.

Before puberty, kids are kids, they're not different as "boys" or "girls."

It's possible this boy is imitating women's behavior because he is around women more. Does he have an older sister or cousin or spend a lot of time with his mom? This could be the reason he wants to play with "girl" things. If not, I still wouldn't worry. There's no need for parents to want their kids to be "feminine" or "masculine" based on their gender. They're kids! Let them be kids for at least a few years before you start putting sexual stereotypes on them.