what to do with this son of mine?

Question

my son as of late is worrying me. grant it he's only 14 but the thing's he say's now fortell's the future. he say's to me on several occasion's i think i'm just going to have a simplistic life. i'm not going to go to college i'm just going to make it working at mc donald's and just make enough to pay the bill's and stay at home and play video game's. i mean what i do now is fun and fulfilling. ya that's it. and he's straight up serious about it. i am a stay at home mom. and it i guess now is a well know fact that you are your children's roll model. he see's me staying home with the kid's ps he know's how hard this is by the way i make him help out around the house pull his own weight so he doesnt get lazy but still he's telling me what i mentioned. what do you think i can do for my son to help him see the light?i tried to get him to get a job but he wont. i tell him he will be a man and finding a spouse who will afford him to stay at home with the kid's is slim to none. what to do?

Answer 1

1. Why are you telling a 14 year old to get a job? Their job should be school. No one should have a regular job until their are at least 16

2. You can't just start telling a 14 year old what to do. If you haven't cultured that kind of relationship where they will listen to what you have to say, then they will do what they want.

3. The best approach is to just positive rewards....like extra allowance for good grades.

4. Work on your English.

Answer 2

Don't worry about it too much, he's only 14. It's hard at that age to have a realistic view on what an independent life is. I wouldn't push him hard to get a job at his age, but if he's slacking off in school because he doesn't plan on going to college than you need to take away the video games ASAP and tell him he needs to earn the pleasure of playing them by being responsible in school. If he doesn't have a job by the time he's 16 and probably will want a car and money to do things with his friends, don't give him any! In a couple years show him how much everyday expenses like a car, gas, insurance, rent, food, and tolietries are. If he still has that attitude when graduating high school then make him pay rent, his fraction of the utilities, and all of his own expenses. It took me a hard lesson after high school to realize I should have utilized my parents resources when they were willing to put me through college, and the real world was a smack in the face when I started seeing my friends graduate from college, get good jobs, and have nice things while I was stuck working a crap job. Now I'm having to put myself through college and work full time to pay my own house payments and everything else. It was a hard lesson but some people are stubborn like me and need to learn it. He will grow up a lot in the next few years though, give him some time. It's normal for him to be thinking irrepsonsibly because he's still a kid.

Answer 3

he's only 14, and i don't think he can get a job right now by law, except if he found something which paid under the table.

i remember a couple years back when my nephew got his first job, he had to have a "permit" to do it. and he was 16 at the time... i'm not sure if this is a factor in every state.

and since your son is only 14, he is going to change his mind about a thousand times in the next few years.... and perhaps when he's 16 or 17 he WILL get a job at McDonald's and find out it's not all that great...

at least he helps around the house.

also, when he is older, he will see what the other kids are going to do with their futures. i'm sure he has friends and classmates who have ambition and aspire to go to college, or learn a trade.

give him time. he's very young yet.

(i'd like to spend the rest of my existance playing games too!)...

take care.

Answer 4

I wouldn't take this serious. when he says this to you tell him, " a Teenager would think that way, thank you for shareing you thoughts with me any way." or you can say, that wouldn't work for our family, but good luck to you." May be he is tells you this to make you upset. My question to you is what kind of relationship do you have with your son? You say he wants to play video games all the time. He sounds addicted. Do you monitor how much time he spends playing video games? If you don't maybe you should start. video games are bad for the brain and learning. By the way just because your a stay home mom doesn't mean you are setting a bad example on the contrary he is lucky to have you home. I am a stay home mom and my child knows how much work I do around the house. Make sure your child keeps up with his grades and limit the video games. In fact I would take it away completely. Pull a wire or something and pretend it died. I honestly believe that tv and video games, are ruining our children. Sometimes I must admit that it easier to have them doing these things becuase it keeps them busy but in reality we should be interacting with them in every way. Good luck

Answer 5

For now, encourage him in his studies. He's still young and I would assume that most boys his age would love nothing better than to sit at home and play video games all day and see that as the ideal lifestyle. Have him get a job and start paying for his own lifestyle - video games, movies, cell phone bill even. Then he'll see just how hard it is to maintain a lifestyle working at McDonald's (or another minimum wage job). I work at an ice cream stand right now that hires 14 & 15 year olds. They are allowed to work, but very limited hours. I have a feeling he'll grow out of this mentallity though and pursue college and a decent, well-paying job.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Your husband made the correct alternative and defined to you why. I'm certain it wasn't handy for him, he knew it doesn't matter what he'd be disappointing considered one of them. He seems like a first-rate guy by means of being a father in your son, however he does have an duty to HIS son. Be grateful that your son now has a exceptional male position mannequin in his existence. Try to place your self for your husband's sneakers. You realize you'll do the specified identical factor. You love the doorstep son and desire the fine for him, however he isn't your son. I'm certain that is how he feels. Ask your husband to spend man time along with your son. Have him take him someplace that they're going to each experience and propose getting photographs taken now. You each have to provide an explanation for in your son why the determination was once made to take the photographs together with his son and your husband demands to stress that he does love him.

Answer 7

I have a 15 yr old and I had to sit down with him and show him the expense of living(bills mortgage food shopping receipts) and if he were to try and do it on his own it what it would cost him. I left that to soak in his head for a while and I cut back on supplying him with allowance and if he wanted nice clothes he had to earn it. He soon found out money doesn't go far. He is a grade 11 student this year with a part-time job and finds it hard to fund for his own(bought it with his hard earned money) cell phones air time( I will not pay for) He realizes you can't get by on minimum wage.
Soon he will be going for his license and we have a deal if he saves his money and pays for his insurance for a vehicle and for his drivers ed. we will buy him a used vehicle of his own. Prove you are responsible first and we will help! No help from us if he can't be responsible with his money. That means no license the bus for another year or until he saves it up. Tough love!
How does he get cool clothes for school? He might want to work if you don't give it to him anymore or cut him a deal if you earn this much toward those shoes we will pay half.
Make him pack a lunch do not give money unless earned!
Let him know before you start this though so he is prepared to have to deal with it.
What does he love to do ? My son loves to ride trick bikes, and is always riding around and fixing his old one. So I cut him a deal you want a new bike well lets get you a job and we will split the cost of that bike.
Does he like music? maybe a Ipod deal. Computers?
What is his passion ? Find it and use it as motivation to get him started with responsibility. If he is not going to make something productive out of himself he needs to know starting now that you will not be his money source especially when he gets older.

Answer 8

Substance of desire huh?....Sounds like you are VERY fond of yourself and if the truth be known,you are merely flattering YOURSELF...and by the way,11 others could CLEARLY understand what she was stating and asking so it looks like YOU are the one with the problem here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like someone else said mom,take away the comp.,the games etc. and let him have a taste of the real world.

If he wants these things then he can mow some yards,shovel some snow etc. because in this age of "entitlement" thinking these children will be ILL-equipped for the real world when it slaps them in the face..be stern but always with love because he needs a parent now and some had rather let them do what they want while young and visit them in jail when they're older INSTEAD of molding them while young and THEN being their friend when they're older!

Answer 9

teenagers eh?
well the first thing I would do is take a way his video games. do not let him access the PC.. forget about an allowance..
make sure he pulls his weight around the house, he can wash his own clothes.make his own lunch. do yard chores etc,.get him a part time job at Mc D's and let him buy his own clothes , movies, treats etc.... then he will see how hard it is...
good luck! remember it's your house your rules..

Answer 10

in a year he ll be 15 and u can sign papers to allow him to actually work at mc donalds he ll change his mind QUICK.
Also might want to be make sure he is not going thru some kind of depression. lack of motovation but that is also a teenager thing hopefull it will pass soon!