Do we equate wealth and status with good parenting?

Question

I have often heard Conservative types preaching about how some poor child has been "saved" from a life of "poverty" with a penniless single mother and adopted by a wonderful middle class couple who can provide them with all they want.

Yet here we have two ostensibly "perfect" parents - middle class doctors - doping up their children and leaving them alone while they go out with their friends!!!

I know penniless single mothers on housing estates who would never, ever do that!

So why do we assume that just because someone is rich and successful they will be a better parent than someone who is poor and disadvantaged?

My cousin and his wife are two wealthy successful career people and their 18 month old son has all the expensive toys etc you could want. Yet he spends up to 10 hours per day *every day* in daycare while his parents pursue their careers. to me thats not good parenting. I don't understand why they even had a child because they never see him!!!

We're poor as church mice - my other half is on minimum wage, working two jobs to make ends meet and I'm staying at home with our 9 month old son. He doesn't get expensive toys and designer bits n bobs but he gets loads of love attention and affection, regular trips out in the pushchair, loads of cuddles and love and he is our world.

Answer 1

I don't at all! I am a poor single mother (who has just finished her degree, before you all accuse me of being a Tricia-watcher), so I know what it's like not to have money. We survive on charity shops and bargains and stuff we find in skips. But you know, we are as happy as larry! My daughter has never gone without and she understands the importance of reusing and recycling things. We don't buy convenience foods often and so are probably healthier too...and we walk and cycle places because we don't have a car.

An example here for you - last year we went to a festival, and the majority of families there were good honest hippy types who didn't have a lot (like us, really). Every kid we met was well-behaved and cool. This year, the place was filled with horrible middle-class families with their space cruisers and ginormous camping set-ups. And you know what? It was horrible. All we heard were the whinings of spoilt kids and the nasty braying voices of their parents, who paid absolutely no attention to them. And I got hit in the head with a football more times than I care to remember, and did anyone apologise? No, they did not...

Answer 2

My parents never had two coins to rub together when I was young it all went on looking after the 5 of us and paying bills, there were no holidays abroad, if a holiday at all, we were happy with a day by the sea.

My parents might not have given me lots of material things but they always gave of themselves and taught us plenty of things to help us get by in life, like hard work, respect, trust, how to love, how to listen, it costs nothing to be polite, I could go on but I think you get the point. I in turn don't have a great deal to give my children, a little more than my parents did perhaps and sometimes even when I can give my children material things I choose not to because material things are not always needed. I have taught my children in the same way my parents taught me and because of that I have two very happy well educated and well mannered children.

I have never thought that people who are well off make better parents, it's just means they can give their children more material things nothing more. I prefer to observe how any parent behaves towards there children before I make up my mind if they are good or bad parents and what kind of parenting skills they have.

Answer 3

In general, the better off tend to be selling more of their time to third parties, so have less time for their children or for thinking about and enjoying being a parent. The culture and economy of (at least) developed countries are founded on this.

This effect might seem to disadvantage the children of the better off, but the effect is counterbalanced by the fact that the better off also tend to be those whose time is more valuable because they are more able, and because they are more able (and have more money) they can make more effective use of the more limited time they have for parenting.

Which way the balance tips depends very much on the individual. At all levels of wealth, some parents put more of their effort into having a good time themselves (at their children's expense), some more into helping their children (at their own expense).

I speculate that this variation reflects an evolutionary "mixed strategy", addressing a question that is fundamental for all living things: how much of my resources do I spend looking after myself (implicitly, my own fertility), versus how much do I look after my existing offspring?

Answer 4

This question is really offensive to me and im sure a lot of other parents out there. I work full time and my son goes to nursery 10 hours a day. On a weekend and evening me and my partner have plenty of time to love our son. How dare you put a statement like that in the same question as a reference to the mccans (who I think are guilty too) I refuse to feel guilty about the fact that I want to do well in my job for my family. My son will be able to have all avenues open to him when he is older. I have seen rough housing estates and although I appreciate some people dont choose that life (although a lot do) they are never going to have much unless they strive to better themselves and get a job, which means putting your child into daycare. You are obviously very judgemental of people so why not walk a mile in a mans shoes before laying judgement.

Answer 5

You are right, parenting has nothing to do with wealth or education - it is a fundamental desire to be a parent, love the child or children more than anything and put that child or children before anything else, until they old enough to leave home and fend for themselves - and even then you are always there with love, kindness, support and hopefully the right advice if sought. Why do people have children and then stick them in childcare 5 days a week, what is the point of having them, if you can't be there for their every need. I give you a star.

Answer 6

Kids don't come with an instruction book so parents have to do what they think is best. Of course I'm sure some of them aren't thinking of anybody but themselves and even poor people can be that way. I was raised with very little money and had a very happy childhood. Happiness doesn't come from money or things. I think the advertisers on television are feeding us a load of crap and that's why we're stupid enough to believe wealth and status equals good parenting.

Answer 7

You dont need money to be a good parent, sure it helps to buy them nice clothes and things but its not the be all and end all. we are a family on a low income. My kids are perfectly happy, I play and interact with them,I read with them, we bake buns and they know how much we love them both, as I tell them all the time. A lady who lives near me has quite a bit of money. she has all the posh toys in the garden, the kids have got all the latest clothes and toys, but you never see the mum out on the garden playing with the kids, like I do, you never see her taking her kids and her dog out for a walk, like I do with mine. Im not saying every parent with money is like this woman, just an example. Plus if the goverment raised the NMW and made it more beneficail to work rather than be on benefits, there would be less scrimping saving and poverty stricken parents. but i belive money isnt an issue, its loving them that really matters, and being prepared to do anything for them! xx

Answer 8

Unfortunately for all of us, in this country we equate wealth and status with good. Not just good parenting but, good anything. The more stuff we can get, the better we think we are. The more money we have, the smarter we think we must be. If we have money, we must be doing something right. If we have lots of money, we're probably doing everything right. What can I say other than that, "conservative types" preach an awful lot of things that are awful.

Answer 9

You sound like my idea of a great parent. Of course being wealthy doesn't make someone a good parent. It's just that the rich can afford all those therapy sessions for their kids after their emotional neglect has caused the kids to have psychological problems.

Answer 10

That question is kind of funny because you can have many different answer depending on who you ask. For me the way in which one behaves and speaks is a major indicator of ones social status. I say this because you may see someone in a nice car, but it might not even be theirs, and the same goes for most of not all material possessions.