It has been 10years, and I still dream of my ex. How the hell can I change that?

Question

She left me just before marrige 10yrs ago for another man,and she STILL pops into my head!

It's never a good situation...always her doing something wrong,saying something wrong,arriving late,standing me up,but her beauty still shines through in the dam dreams!I don't want her there!

It would be eaiser if my mind would forget her,but 5yrs together has imprinted her into my subconscious it would seem.

Day to day,I don't think of her really.Sometimes there will be situations that call for comparison or mention of her,when talking to my new girlfriend,which is rare - but it ends at that.

Now my dreams on the other hand,I have no control of.

I'm not so spiritual a person,but could there be something more to this,considering that it has been 10 yrs?

When living in Asia,a girl I was with insisted we talk to the 'fortune teller' for fun,& she came out with the whole storey of how I was sad for a long time etc,and as we were drunk,I just broke down.

Help me! I need peace!

Wow, all I can say is what great answers...'cept for the guy saying I still wanted her...yeah, like HIV.

But anyway, keep the ideas coming!

Answer 1

I don't know how you can control what pops from the subconscious into the conscious.
I was with someone for a long time and have since had other relationships, but when I dream of sex it is always with this person. I'm not in love with him anymore, I don't want to be with him. I know this because we are still on good terms, but there it is, sometimes he appears in the hot and steamy dream world.
Perhaps it is because he had a pivotal effect on the type of partner I chose after, I think he helped me mature emotionally. Maybe it is to remind me of this fact. Who knows?
We all have people we "use" in our dreams to relate a certain message or emotion. It is because we identify them with events, experiences, etc.
I think you find it is not so unusual, what you are dreaming of is the concept of her, rather than her or you as you are now.

Answer 2

I have the solution! Well what worked for me anyway. My ex betrayed me also, could stop dreaming about her for 7 years until I read something that changed everything.

Your mind will repeat situations from your past that you haven't reached a conclusion about (you might say you have but you haven't), something that is usually painful and normally represented by a specific person. Do the following:

1. Write on the top of a piece of paper the details of the relationship you had with this person.
2. Then write down all the regrets or guilt you have about the relationship, things she may of done to you or you did to her.
3. Now a new list, for each of the things you regret write 5 ways it served you, and 5 ways it served others, (so 10 POSITIVE points for each regret/feeling of guilt).

I know it sounds weird but it will lock in your memory the reason why you had this relationship in your experience, then you can move on.

By the way this works for everything from Relationships to finances. Good Luck & happy dreaming.

Answer 3

Really a partner should be there for you when you are having a difficult time. That is what relationships are all about. Its understanding he is hesitant becaus he may feel that if you through another patch then you may push him away again. Read here https://tr.im/GDCSv

I am going through something similar, but she hasnt made any contact to come back to me, and I know even though I may want her, I would be hesitant because of the possibility of going through the same thing again.

I dont know how long you have been apart, but dont pester him to get back with you, although it would be good for you to let him know your feelings, and that you are sorry for pushing him aside.

If he is willing to chat, then great, if he is reluctant, just offer to be a friend maybe, but you have to know that it does not mean he will come back to you.

He will care about you, even after what iv gone through...feelings dont just dissapear no matter what he may say. Stick in there. only time will tell.

If you get another chance, then make the most of it and never let him go awain because if you do, he will never come back. I really hope it works out for you. Its a difficult thing to go through.

Answer 4

Is there any possibility that you could contact your ex, and meet her to see where she wound up after 10 years? It seems as though you never got closure on it when she left you, and you seem to have an idealised image of her that lingers on, even though you describe her in a way that sounds as though she was rather flaky or even thoughtless or inconsiderate. If you were confronted with the reality of what sort of person she actually turned out to be, it might help to dispell the idealised image for you, and allow you to move on, just a thought....

Answer 5

According to Dreamcrowd:

To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. In particular, to see your ex-husband/wife in your dream, indicates that you are finding yourself in a situation that you do not want to be in. It suggests that you are experiencing a similar relationship or situation which makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable. To see your mate's ex in your dream, suggests that you may be comparing yourself to the ex. The dream is trying to tell you not to make the same relationship mistakes that ended that relationship. Alternatively, seeing your ex in your dream also signifies aspects of yourself that you have x'd out or neglected.
Try posting your dream on Dreamcrowd for a free interpretation.

Answer 6

Want to know how to get your ex back? Change yourself. Don't worry about changing other people, worry about changing yourself. Go to https://tr.im/TayIk

Once you do that then you can start to worry about getting back together with your ex, other wise you will find that you are fighting about all the same things and getting no where. Do what it takes and I promise things will work out in your favor.

The funny thing is I came to the realization that I had to change a little too late. After I was kicked out and after I was about to lose the only things that truly mattered to me - her love. A funny thing happens when we truly love someone and lose them. We do what ever it takes to get them back. For me I had to drop bad habits that had caused not only our relationship to sour but practically every other relationship I had had in the past. Not only with women, but with friends, co-workers, family, you name it.

Which is why I say to you as my ex at the time said to me, the only thing you can do is change yourself. Work on yourself and improve on the person that you already are. Drop the negative things in your life that don't belong there and you will see all of your relationships start to take off to new heights.

Answer 7

Invest some energy in yourself and increase your personal value.In any field you like.When you realise self-respect through a hardship of self development no shadow will interfere your life anymore.This effort cannot be triggered without being aware you are not going to live forever.
You have no time to wait.

Answer 8

The problem is not that you miss her or because she was so beautiful but because she hurt your ego. It has to do with self esteem and that is where you need help. You may have to go to a doctor or read self help material. She validated your feeling of not being worthy, so you must find a way to start feeling worthy again.

Answer 9

20 years! It took me 20 years!
After 20 years, I have retrieved my long lost daughter. She told me how "the beautiful" mother my ex was: she abandonned her.
I have since heard so much bad about my ex that dreams have gone, and the "bad" mother-in-law has proven to be the good one, in fact.
Get someone to paint a bad picture of her, get a good and faithful partner (who you may not "love" like the first one, but you will TRUST). Maybe no more "fire", but PEACE.

Answer 10

I know what you're going through. Much the same with me, possibly more complicated. Hard to talk about it. I cannot give you any helpful suggestions. Time alone will erase this for you. And I know, that sucks.....