Should I cut off all contact with this deadbeat?

Question

I would like some opinions please. My daughter is 3 and each year since she was born her father will go for months with no type of contact then he calls whenever he feels like it and if he gives money and spends some time with her he acts as if he is such a good father. I messed up by not taking him for child support from the beginning. He works and gives my daughter nothing. Me and him always argue also his family are phonies they have my phone number and do not call for my daughter like they should or barely.I understand every child needs a father but I feel if her father really loved her he would care but he doesnt I want to try for the sake of my daughter but me and her father just dont get along and cannot reach a resoloution. I am debating whether to take him for child support now because I need the help but i really do not want anything to do with him EVER. I also want to cut the family completely off as well am i wrong? I just want to wash my hands of the situation.

Answer 1

That's kind of a tricky situation. You naturally have her best interests at heart, but you also don't want to make her resent you for not letting her father be a part of her life! She'll be just as miserable as you if you and her father fight all the time too. Your her mother and you know in your heart what is best for your little angel.

Answer 2

Having been a father in a divorce, I can relate to what's going on. Although I maintained contact with my kids, and paid child support, I know there are lots of men who don't do either.
From what you described, I think you should break all contact. Chances are, that if you try to collect child support, you will get something, but he could avoid paying by just working for cash because most states will automatically garnish his wages and his income taxes. Some will prevent him from renewing his license.
If you cut off all contact, you will probably have more peace of mind, but the financial help child support "might" give won't be there at all. It's a tough choice, but I can suggest you spend lots of thought and prayer in this decision.

Answer 3

Sweetie go and get child support off of him, NOW!.. He is just what you said. A DEADBEAT! You and your daughter don't deserve to go through that Just get the child support and tell him that if he wants to see your daughter he has to call first and then you can schedule a time. B/c obviously he isn't being a good father, or a man for that matter. So i would deffinately get him out of your life and tell him to pay up.. Thats the least he can do. YOu deserve better than that. Don't let someone like him interrupt you and your daughter's lives. Only a REAL Man would stick around and be there for his daughter and her mother. and be supportive... And it sounds like he's not.. So dump him and his phony family and get child support and you and your daughter live your life.. Good Luck

Answer 4

Call your state's child support enforcement agency tomorrow!

I have a 10yo daughter and 9yo son that I am still trying to get child support for and the order was placed 8 years ago. He calls maybe twice a year, makes them lots of promises he never keeps and has paid a total of $17 this YEAR in child support.

I was "nice" about it in the begining.. I only asked for $55 a week to cover both of them. That amount doesnt even cover a pair of shoes these days.

My advice to you.. call the child support office in your area. They can usually handle all of the legalities of it at no or almost no cost to you. You fill out the papers.. and they take it from there. He will most likely be mad, and not come around ( bonus! ) and if he doesn't pay since you went straight the child support enforcement to start with... they can garnish his wages.. take his tax refund.. suspend his licence.. revoke his passport.. all of those things if he doesnt pay.

Good Luck.. But dont wait.. Call asap and get the ball rolling.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, washing your hands is not an option. You've got a 3 yo who needs all the support she can get.

Definitely take him for child support. You should not have to struggle for necessities when her other parent struggles not at all.

Ignore his attitude that he thinks he's a great father. He's in fantasy land.

But your daughter benefits from contact with him, and later she'll look back and see the intermittant relationship positively or negatively, probably negatively. "He came to visit me once every long while, no christmas card, no birthday card. I may be his daughter biologically, but he doesn't love me." She'll figure it out eventually.

TX Mom
not an expert

Answer 6

Hiya Riss, sorry to read about your plight with your daughter's father. As I am a father myself I can tell you how important it is for a child to bond not just with the mother but with the father also. Any man can become a father but it takes someone special to become a Dad. Trust your instincts and take him for child support, that will either wake him up to his responsibilities or he will stop visiting, you make the rules depending on what he chooses to do. The law is on your side. However, be careful regarding his family as things could get ugly if they are denied access to their son's daughter. Try to keep them at arms length and continue to be civil to them. I do not have all the answers Riss but all too often we hear or read of young ladies such as yourself struggling on a pittance because their so-called partners are unable to accept responsibility for their behaviour. Finally Riss there are advice centres which can offer support and guidance or you may have family of your own to help you make the more difficult decisions. I do sincerely wish you well, just stick to your beliefs and trust your instincts and as long as your daughter is given plenty of love and affection as I'm sure she is, you will both be the stronger for it. Peace and Love to you both.

Answer 7

For what it's worth a lot of places, if you get child support, it will just be automatically deducted from his paycheque and given to you. It won't mean you have to have more contact with him. If he's not somehow a threat to the child, he could probably take you to court and get visitation rights even if you didn't want to allow him to visit. Whether he would or not is another issue.

Answer 8

If you want to wash your hands, you must cut all contact. Unfortunately, if his name is on the birth certificate you may not be able to do that. Then, of course take him for child support. NOW! He is going to mess this little girl up coming in and out of her life. I have a friend who actually sued for child support and the dad decided he didn't want to pay it so he gave her full custody without visitation. You have options...

Answer 9

Well, if he provides no support other than when he thinks of it, he's really no father. What does it say in your divorce decree? Does it say that he has contact rights? That should give you some clues. Yes, you perhaps should have gotten support and it would be taking him to court again to get it. Is it worth it now?

Answer 10

Yes, go to Court and apply for child support he in turn can apply for visitation and you may be able to set a steady schedule in which he sees your daughter. Do not talk negatively about him in front of your daughter, he is her dad and her relationship with his is separate from yours, when she is old enough she will decide for herself and if he is not involved, more than likely she will not want to see him either. Be positive enjoy your life and dont' worry about theirs, when they decide to come around it will be too late and then they will be sorry.