Kindergarten teacher wont tie my childs shoes?!?!?

Question

My 5 year old daughter told me today that when her shoelace became untied, she asked her teacher to tie her shoe for her, and the teacher said "you arent a baby anymore, every kindergartener should know how to tie thier own shoes."
My daughter asked her friends to help her, and the teacher wouldnt let anyone help my daughter. When she came home her laces were all notted and a mess. The poor girl knows how to tie her laces, she just isnt very strong with it. We live in california, and my kids wear flip flops most of the year! She also complained that the teacher wouldnt let her go to the bathroom after lunch/recess, "because they had too much work to do."
can you believe this?!? I was already going to switch my kids to another school due to low state test scores, but this makes me want to take my child out of her class right away! My daughter doesnt even want to go to school anymore. what should I do?

Also I forgot to mention, she is the ONLY kindergarten teacher at this particular school, and they have a bathroom IN the classroom, so she could have gone all by herself :o(
I really dont want my daughter treated this way. She is wearing velcro shoes until she is comfortable tying her shoes on her own, and my husband and I are going to talk to the teacher tomorrow.

Answer 1

I would withdraw my kid from that class today. I would not subject my child to a teacher with that attitude. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if you don't get any satisfaction from talking to the teacher. I would talk to the principal and the school board about getting rid of this teacher. You probably won't have much success with that though (but do it anyway!!) so I would start by removing my kid from her classroom and protecting her from that kind of "learning." Find another school or keep your kid out of kindergarten altogether. Let other parents in the class know how this teacher treats the kids because I'm sure she is the same to all of them. If you can get support from other parents, you will have an easier time about how you feel as well as getting something done about this teacher. Give your kid lots of positive strokes but try not to undermine the teacher (which would be pretty hard to do) because kids automatically offer respect to teachers and it won't help to try and change that. Good luck and don't just let this concern slip by. This teacher is not educated to teach kindergarden and should not be allowed to.

Answer 2

Tell the administration if you're worried.
The story could be true, or some of it could be overly exaggerated.
It WAS wrong for the teacher not to let her use the restroom.. who knows.
Maybe the teacher had just taken the whole class to the restroom, and was starting a lesson.. and your daughter didn't go during the designated time, and asked to go during class.. and the teacher really didn't have time because she should have gone 3 seconds earlier.
The teacher still should have let your daughter go to the restroom soon after being asked. She could have let her go as soon as the lesson was over, if that was the case. The lessons can't last more than 5 minutes. If there WAS time for your child to go, and the teacher still said that, then that was wrong, and should be reported.

As for the shoes..
Have your daugher practice tying her shoes all the time=)
Pretty soon, she'll be a natural!
about the incident reguarding the shoe tying...
She should have been able to have help from a friend though.
She was taught nothing by having untied shoes all day, and easily could have tripped and fell.
"You aren't a baby anymore, every kindergartener should know how to tie their shoes" is abusive, and should NEVER have come out of the KINDERGARTEN teacher's mouth!
A Kindergarten teacher is the child's most cherished, and memorable teacher. They will remember EVERYTHING that the k teacher says forever and ever!

If anything happens like that again, and administration does nothing about it, I would switch schools.

Answer 3

I've got to ask - why did you buy your child lace up shoes for school if she "isn't very strong with it"? Do they not have Velcro or buckle school shoes in the US? I guess I just find this question bemusing - you'd have little or no chance of even finding a pair of lace up school shoes for a child that age in the UK. I wouldn't say every kindergartener should be able to tie laces (neither of mine could), but I would say every kindergartener should go to school in shoes they can fasten themself.

But I agree, making your child miserable because of it is unacceptable, and the bathroom thing is also a potential problem. But you do need to talk to the teacher and find out whether she's really banning kids this age from using the bathroom, or if she's simply trying to cut down on repeated "me too" toilet trips. I'm guessing your daughter is new in her class. Misunderstandings do happen, and make absolutely sure that this isn't the right place for your daughter before you take her out.

Whether she stays at that school or not, I'd recommend you a) send your daughter to school in Velcro shoes for the forseeable future (I mean the next few YEARS, my 11 year old and most of her friends wear them to secondary school because they're so much quicker to take on/off for PE) and b) have a talk with her about being sure to go to the bathroom during lunch and recess, not after they've started work again. All teachers are going to be encouraging children to learn to go at break time rather than in lesson time.

Answer 4

That's horrible. That's an accident waiting to happen. In our Kinder classes, there's always a few strong shoelace people - and they are the "shoelace helpers". If a kid needs help, they go to their designated helper. I understand a teacher not wanting to tie 20+ shoe a day, several times a day - but she does NOT have to be rude about it. The "baby" comment is hurtful for those children who are late developers or those who just haven't mastered a certain skill yet.

As for the potty - as long as it's not being abused, they need to go to the bathroom when they FIRST realize they need to go. A UTI or kidney infection is no laughing matter. Neither is a child wetting their pants.

In our kinder classes, there's a chart by the door. When a child needs to go to the bathroom, they go to the door and put the clip on their name so the teacher knows who's in the potty. If she sees that a kid is abusing that (is playing, etc), THEN they restrict bathroom times. They realize that a child who is on the verge of wetting themselves isn't able to learn a darn thing.

You should schedule a meeting with the teacher, if she's receptive. Respectfully and calmly convey your issues. At the end, suggest some ways that it could be solved (like what I mentioned above). Or write a letter if that's your strongsuit.
If it doesn't get better from there, ask for a brief meeting with your principal. Do the above (meeting/letter).

Good luck! And remember - sometimes the events aren't exactly how kids convey them. I'm not saying your child is lying - but sometimes things can get twisted or miscontrued. I've seen perfectly angelic/smart/honest kids miscontrue a teacher's statement.

Answer 5

After two girls in the same school system and mostly the same teachers, I have learned to take the stories with a grain of salt. Last year the teacher of my then 4th grader said at the beginning of the year, "I won't believe everything she tells me about you...if you won't believe everything she tells you about me." This is a very good deal to make. Kids tell about what happened at school that day and I know it is a VERY big deal to them, but it might have just been an off hand comment to the teacher. She might not have intended it to sound so harsh. My advice is don't get to upset about this until you hear both sides of the story.

AND as far as the shoes.. She should be tying her own shoes. Work with her ALOT and get her up to speed.
Most of the time the kindergarden teachers here (Oklahoma) take the children in a line to the restroom 3 times in the morning and 3 times in the afternoon. Ok say class starts at 8 and ends at 11:30. In 3 1/2 hours they take them 3 times. That should be plenty. Ask about the scheaduling of potty breaks. If it seems reasonable to you, stand up for the teacher.
If your child sees she can upset you and get you to go jump on the teachers a$$ about something like this, what will she come home next time and say? Sometimes we have to allow the teacher to be in charge also. Realize that if the child/children get the idea they can keep everyone in turmoil..alot of them will. Maybe not specifically your child, but the other ones will see or hear about it too.

Answer 6

That seems very harsh! My son's teacher takes the kiddos to the bathroom at least two times a day as a group outside of lunch and recess.

As for the shoe thing...my son is bright, but not terribly dexterous. I figure that shoelace-tying will be a skill we can learn together over the next summer. Until then, he's wearing velcro to school. Even if he wore tie-shoes, I cannot imagine his teacher refusing to help him. Of course, she likes kids, and is not focused on test scores over developmentally appropriate needs.

A kindergartener should not hate school already. Try talking to her teacher first in a non-confrontational way. The developmental readiness of 5-year-olds covers a huge spectrum of normal. If talking to the teacher does not yeild results, talk to the principal about switching her to another class. No need to bad-mouth the teacher. You could just state that you think this is not a good match for your daughter and get her transfered to another class.

Kindy used to be about cutting and pasting, nap time, and meeting other children. It is sad that it has changed so dramatically. My son goes to a charter school (in Orange County, CA) becasue I was unhappy with the normal public school options in our area. I know that not every family has that option, but it is something to look into.

Answer 7

When I was in kidergarten, I remember being asked to go to the back of the room and help some kids tie their shoes because many kids didn't know how. This was mainly for time's sake so the teacher could continue with whatever she was doing, but not letting her friends help either isn't a good learning strategy. About the bathroom thing, kindergarteners should be allowed to use the bathroom whenever they need to. I would switch her out of the class personally, but I do like the idea of going to sit in on a class one day.

Answer 8

I would feel really bad and be mad if my kid faced these incidents in kindergarten. But, luckily, I had the chance to help in my kid's Kindergarten right from the 2nd day of school.

It is not the teacher's job to tie kid's laces, even once. They spend time in the classroom, on the playground, in assemblies with older kids, they walk to the forum, it is enough for the teacher to have to keep an eye on 20 kids.

I am in California too, and every preschool, school, private school, public school, camp that my kids have gone too has had a strict policy of no flip-flops, sandals, or any open-toed shoes. Only shoes with front and back covered, which means sneakers or their equivalent for girls. This is stated in the handbook, teachers remind parents. It is also common sense, why would kids wear flip-flops when they are going to be playing in the school playground, and why would they go to school in shoes they cannot tie by themselves?

The bathroom break, most likely the teacher is helping the kids to recognize that there are times when they go to the bathroom, and lunch/recess is one of them. Most kindergarten rooms have a bathroom next to their class, but that does not mean kids can go _anytime_. There are frequent bathroom breaks, and a way of telling the teacher if it is an emergency.

I am sorry to come on so strong, but I've helped out in the room, and it is no picnic. 1 kid wants to go to the bathroom, 20 more want to, 1 kid wants a tissue, 20 more want it.

And these advices that you should go to the principal, superintendent, march down and protect your child, stand up for you child, your child has a fundamental right to use the bathroom break even if there are sufficient scheduled bathroom breaks, UTI and other infection tales, the solution is homeschooling.

This is Kindergarten, not preschool.

Answer 9

It may have seemed harsh to your daughter but all children who go to kindergaten are expected to be able to dress themselves and tie their shoe laces.Can you imagine how long it would take a teacher to button or zip coats and tie laces to get ready for recess.In colder climates there are boots,hats and scarves.Have your child wear slip on shoes or velcro until she is better able to tie her laces.I'm sure the teacher was not as stern as your daughter said ( although I would talk with the teacher when you pick her up from school).Don't let your daughter feed off your emotions or you may unwittingly make it more difficult for your daughter to adjust to school.As for the washroom situation ask the teaher what the policy is concerning washroom use. The teacher is responsible for meeting the needs of al students.It is difficult enough to keep one 4-5 year old on task can you imagine the challenge of 20 + bundles of energy ? Communication between the parent and the teaching staff is key to a successful school year.Whenever possible try to be supportive of the teaching staff.

Answer 10

Many children can't tie by 5 and children of this age should be able to go to the bathroom when they need to. Set up a conference with the teacher and the principal and bring a witness with you. Sounds like another school is a good idea.